


Can't Win For Losing

by sparkinside (boomersoonerash)



Series: Dance With The Devil [1]
Category: Hanson (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Children, Alternate Universe - Not Related, Alternate Universe - Small Town, Angst, Arguing, Break Up, Children, Coffee, Community College, Dirty Talk, Dress Up, Emotional Infidelity, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fan Soundtracks, Fanmix, Flirting, Hand Jobs, Heterosexual Sex, Hurt, Ice Cream Sundae, Infidelity, Kid Fic, Kissing, Lunch, Marriage, Married Couple, Miscommunication, Nude Photos, Older Man/Younger Woman, Painting, Photographer Taylor, Photography, Pregnancy, Romance, Separations, Sexual Content, Shotgun Wedding, Sibling Incest, Sister-Sister Relationship, Sisters, Small Towns, Swingers, Unplanned Pregnancy, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-10
Updated: 2015-12-10
Packaged: 2018-05-06 01:19:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 54,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5397509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boomersoonerash/pseuds/sparkinside
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Avery and Taylor are married but all of that gets complicated when his ex Natalie comes town and Avery mishears part of a conversation between them. Now Avery is left deciding if she wants to stay with her husband or pursue the single life especially when she meets an art teacher at the local college.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story on my account dreamsinred. I am going to slowly try to move everything over so I can delete that account.
> 
> Disclaimer: This is a fictional story. None of this story is true and I am in no way associated with Hanson. I do own any original characters. Also, please do not translate this unless you ask me for permission first. Thanks!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: He was busy and didn't have the time but maybe next weekend. That's how it always went.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't Win For Losing Chapter One

Avery smiled as she sat at the park with her pregnant sister-in-law Nikki. Nikki was married to her husband's brother and in a matter of weeks Nikki would be giving birth to her and Isaac's first child a little girl. "Are you excited about having the baby?" she asked as she eyed Nikki who was now resting a hand on her swollen belly.

Nikki laughed slightly as she nodded, "Of course I am," she nodded. "Weren't you excited when you had Jonah?" she asked referring to Avery and Taylor's oldest son who was five.

At Nikki's question Avery sighed. She knew her answer should have been yes that she had been excited when she was pregnant with Jonah but she hadn't been. Finding out your pregnant at seventeen by the twenty-five year old you had been dating behind your parents back for three months hadn't been the most exciting thing nor was the whispers once their small town had found out. Some people even going as far as accusing her now husband of rape even though it hadn't been rape. Avery had consented to their sex. She had loved him.

"Maybe under different circumstances I would have been," she finally spoke being honest about her feelings. "You try being seventeen and telling your parents your twenty-five year old boyfriend knocked you up," she laughed to lighten her mood. "My daddy was literally holding a gun to Taylor's back when he married me on the day of my eighteenth birthday. Hell I think he was still holding that gun on Taylor when I was giving birth to Jonah on Christmas morning."

Nikki grimaced at Avery's words. Of course she hadn't thought of Avery's circumstances when she asked her question but then again she hadn't been here when Avery married Taylor. She had still been in Florida completely unaware of the family she would one day marry into.

"Well then what about with Charlie?" she asked referring to her sister-in-law's youngest child who was now three. "It was different then with him."

Avery smiled some as she remembered Charlie's pregnancy. It had been different experience wise. Her parents had came around to Taylor and by then accepted the fact that he was their son-in-law as well as Avery's husband. They also liked that he had stepped up to the plate and supported his family by getting a job even if his first job had been at the local supermarket bagging groceries.

"With Charlie I was happy," Avery agreed as she nodded her head before turning to look at both of her boys who were playing in the sand. Both of them clearly took after their father look wise. They even got his blue eyes that she loved. "I was so much happier."

Smiling at Avery's words now Nikki rubbed her belly some as the baby kicked. "So is Taylor going to be working late tonight?" she asked wanting to change the subject off of babies and the past. "I mean Isaac said he has been busy since he finally opened his own photography studio."

"Busy is an understatement," Avery muttered as she ran a hand through her hair. "Even after he closes for the night he usually doesn't come home until one in the morning," she shrugged. "He's just that dedicated to what he does which I guess is a good thing."

After Avery spoke Nikki chewed on her lip feeling like changing the subject to this had been a bad thing. "I feel a but coming with your words," she smiled or well forced one.

Nodding to confirm Nikki's words Avery frowned slightly, "But I kind of miss the days when he didn't have his own studio. When he hadn't accomplished his dreams. At least then he was home at a decent hour," she sighed feeling like she was sounding horrible to Nikki. What kind of wife wasn't happy for their husband?

"I guess I just feel like we are slowly drifting apart right now because of this," she continued as she looked down at her wedding band. "We rarely get time alone. He comes home and I am in bed. I wake up and he's gone to work. We just keep missing each other even on the weekends mainly because he brings his work home with him."

Nikki frowned as well hearing Avery confess all of this to her, "Have you told him how you felt?" she asked though she doubted she had.

Avery shook her head no, "I don't see the point. I'll just sound horrible and like I don't want him to have what he's always dreamed of having. Anyway maybe it'll fix itself," she nodded trying to feel hopeful.

"Maybe," Nikki replied trying to show her encouragement even if she didn't believe her words. How could things get better if Avery didn't tell Taylor? How could Taylor know what to fix if his wife kept him in the dark?

Going silent for awhile Avery just watched her boys playing for a bit longer, "I really should go," she sighed knowing that soon it would be getting dark. "I need to get the boys home and start on dinner," she said as she stood from the bench. Bidding goodbye to Nikki she walked over to her sons and bent down to their level. "You boys ready to go home?"

Jonah looked at his mom and shook his head, "No, I wanna stay and keep building my castle," he pouted as he looked at Charlie his younger brother. "So does Charlie."

Laughing Avery just shook her head, "Well you got to go home whether you like it or not," she smiled before reaching out to ruffle Jonah's hair. "We can come back this weekend if you want and you can build another castle," she told him as she stood up picking Charlie up as she did so.

"Can daddy come when we come again?" Jonah asked as he grabbed his shovel and bucket.

"I'll mention it to daddy," Avery forced a smile as she walked to her car. She knew though when she did what Taylor would say. He was busy and didn't have the time but maybe next weekend. That's how it always went.

Jonah just nodded at his mom's answer and followed her to the car.

Making it to her car Avery put Charlie in his booster seat first before helping Jonah get in his own. She was glad for Jonah's silence on Taylor coming back to the park with them this weekend. Getting in the car herself after both boys were in she started it up and drove home.  
______________________________________________________________________________________________________

After getting the boys in bed and doing the dishes from dinner Avery went outside onto her back porch where she sat down in a chair, pulling the pack of cigarettes from her pocket as well as her lighter. Pulling a cigarette out she put it between her lips and lit it up, taking a drag.

Looking out at her backyard her eyes immediately went to the house next door, her eyebrows raising some as she saw a moving van outside it. It had been up for sale for a year now and she hadn't even noticed that the house finally sold. She half guessed her new neighbors would probably be like her last ones. A small family. That was all that seemed to live on their street.

Taking another drag from her cigarette she turned her attention back to her own yard her mind drifting back to her talk with Nikki at the park. She wasn't sure why she had been so honest on her feelings about Taylor's new job or the state of her marriage. If she had learned anything in the years of being his wife it was that they always got through the bad stuff.

"And we will get through this," she whispered to herself as she took another drag from her cigarette. They would get through this and it would make them stronger in the end.

Finishing her cigarette in silence Avery flicked it out into the backyard before turning back to look at the house next door. When she did she just watched as the mover's continued to move boxes out of the van and into the house. Tomorrow if her neighbors were there she'd have to go say hi. That's how people were around here.

When she and Taylor had moved in they had met all of their neighbors in two days though Avery hated having people dropping in all the time back then especially since Jonah had been teething at the time and she had gotten little to no sleep.

Standing from the porch Avery headed inside stopping in her tracks when she saw Taylor in the kitchen helping himself to the dinner she had fixed. She hadn't even heard his car pull in the driveway. "You're home early," she said feeling a smile on her face. It was a nice change having him home before one in the morning.

Turning to look at his wife after he had fixed himself a plate of food Taylor chewed on his lip, "I closed early. I sort of met up with an old friend for coffee."

"Oh," Avery nodded not remembering him mentioning anything about meeting a friend today. "What friend?" she asked as she walked to where he had left out the containers which held the food she had made.

"Natalie," Taylor whispered as he sat down at the table. "You remember her right?" he asked his voice getting just a bit higher. He knew Avery would remember her. It was likely Avery had never forgotten the woman who used to date him before he had gotten with her.

Nearly dropping the containers in her hand Avery tried her best to keep her cool. Natalie had been the woman Taylor had dated through high school and even out of high school. Everyone had thought he would marry her but she had ended up leaving for California just two months before Taylor got with her.

"I thought she moved to California," Avery spoke as she reached the fridge. Opening the fridge she put the containers back in before turning to face Taylor.

Taylor nodded, "She did," he said in between bites of his food. "She moved back to town last week. She's been staying at a hotel for the past week. She finally bought a house yesterday," he said as he looked down. "It's kind of funny I found out it's the one beside ours," he finished as he looked at his food. He was scared to see Avery's reaction to his last words.

Hearing Taylor's last few words Avery took a breath before forcing a smile, "Well I guess I will be the nice neighbor and greet her once she gets settled," she said though she wasn't so sure she could. How could she be nice to the woman who had came before her? Natalie would be the one Taylor had married if she hadn't left.

"I think I am going to go get ready for bed," she sighed before turning and leaving the kitchen. Right now she just needed a few minutes to herself again. She needed a few minutes to process things.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Maybe you should show me how turned on it got you," he spoke again leaning in to kiss Avery after she moved closer.

Can't Win For Losing Chapter Two

After changing into her nightgown Avery climbed into bed grabbing the book she had been reading as she did so. Maybe reading could take her mind off learning that Taylor's ex was going to be living beside them. That he had even went to meet her for coffee. That he left work early for her when he hadn't even left work early for Avery or their kids period.

Avery knew she was probably overreacting by being angry. Taylor was her husband in the end even if at first the marriage had been forced upon them by her parents mainly her dad but Taylor had always insisted he would have married her anyway even if there had been no Jonah on the way. She couldn't help but wonder differently though. What twenty-five year old man would have wanted to marry an eighteen year old girl? None that she knew of now anyway.

But then again she also knew things had been different between them. They had just progressed so naturally after their first meeting when he was mowing her parents lawn for some extra cash. It was by their fourth secret date which had just been them driving to the lake in his car that she let him have sex with her. That had been in February just a month before she even conceived Jonah. At least then he had taken her back to his house. Isaac had been gone for the night and her parents were out of town. Some revival her dad was preaching at.

"He still stayed married to me though," she voiced out loud as she shut the book and let it lay in her lap. She knew right now she wouldn't get any reading done. "He stayed with me after Jonah," she muttered.

To be honest it had surprised her that he had stayed after Jonah especially when all she heard from her mother was that he would bail not long after the baby came. That he just seemed like the type especially if he had been the type to mess around with a minor. Yet Taylor proved her mother wrong. He stayed and then they eventually had Charlie though maybe he had only stayed because of Charlie too. Maybe the kids were the only thing making him stay.

Closing her eyes she ran a hand through her hair. She was sure with Natalie living next door he would spend time there. He would realize that he wanted someone his own age and he would leave her. He'd tell her they were only together for the kids and he'd bail like he should have done after Jonah.

Avery opened her eyes again and this time when she reached for her book she was determined to read it and quite her mind. She had to quite her mind down. How could she keep worrying over something that hadn't happened yet? Though she guessed it was because of the fact she felt like her and Taylor were drifting farther apart. Him leaving her for Natalie would be the next step and the final one in ending their marriage.

When she heard the door to their bedroom open she looked up from her book briefly to see Taylor shut the door behind him and start to strip down to his boxers. Looking down at her book again she tried to ignore the fact that just the simple act of seeing him take his shirt off followed by the sound of his zipper being undone had turned her on, though she was guessing anything at this rate could turn her on. It had been two months since they last had sex. That had been two weeks after he opened the studio.

Feeling him get into bed beside her she raised an eyebrow and turned to face him when he took her book out of her hands. "I was reading that," she told him as they locked eyes.

"I never pegged you as a Fifty Shades fan," Taylor teased as he looked at the book he had stolen from his wife's grasp.

Avery made a slight face, "I'm not really. I just asked Jessica for something spicy to read last week and she gave me this," she shrugged as she watched Taylor leaf through the book. "It's kind of like bad porn."

Hearing that her sister gave her the book Taylor made a face as he continued to leaf through it, "Any of those bad porn scenes gotten you off?" he asked before handing the book back to her and raising an eyebrow. "I mean fantasizing about a nearly twenty-seven year old man must be heaven for you compared to the thirty-one year old man you have in your bed every night with his massive chest hair and wrinkles on his face," he teased but some of what he said was partly true. He could imagine that by now Avery probably wished she had married someone closer to her own age. Someone who could at least be as attractive and sexy as she was.

"But heaven for me is your chest hair," Avery smirked as she turned away from Taylor briefly to lay her book down on the nightstand. "It's kind of sexy," she spoke after turning to face him again her hand coming to rest on his chest, her index finger running through his hair lightly. "I mean seeing you shirtless tonight got me turned on," she admitted as she moved closer to him.

Taylor couldn't help but blush at Avery's words. Hearing her say his chest hair was sexy and then the way her fingers lightly ran through it after she rested a hand on his chest. If he didn't know better he would say his wife was trying to seduce him and if his growing erection was the judge she was doing her job. "Is that so?" he asked seductively hearing her say that seeing him shirtless had turned her on.

Knowing he could still turn her on was an ego boost to him. That after five years of marriage and a seven year age difference that was beginning to show thanks to his wrinkles, that his wife still could be turned on by him helped his own views on his looks at least for right now.

"Maybe you should show me how turned on it got you," he spoke again leaning in to kiss Avery after she moved closer. As they kissed he let his hand slowly move over to the hem of her nightgown and he bit her lip as his hand decided to wander it's way up her nightgown a smirk forming when he finally felt the material of her underwear.

Kissing Taylor back Avery felt herself shiver as his hand slipped under her nightgown, a moan escaping her lips as his hand quickly brushed over the crotch of her panties not long after, making her wetter than she already was. At least tonight it wouldn't be her own hand providing her relief.

"I want you to touch me," Avery muttered as she broke away from the kiss and stared into his eyes, biting her lip as he rubbed her through the crotch of her panties again a smirk playing on his gorgeous lips. "Not like that," she whined as she shook her head though she knew he knew what she had meant but he was teasing her. Making her work for it.

"Then tell me how you want me to touch you," Taylor whispered as he continued to rub her through her panties. He wasn't dumb though and he knew what Avery wanted but god he loved hearing her tell him. He loved when she got dirty and said words she wouldn't even normally say.

Pouting slightly at his words Avery sighed when he kept rubbing her through the material of her panties. "I want you to touch my fucking pussy," she moaned out as his fingers pushed the material of her clothing in some and he rubbed her clit through them. "Please touch me," she whimpered wanting to feel his hand on her skin.

Smirking more as she began to whimper with her words he slowly pushed her panties to the side and let his hand start to work on her bare flesh. Flesh that was slick to the touch.

Avery smirked now too as he began to rub her bare pussy her hips arching some as he did so. Looking over at him she couldn't help but notice the erection growing in his boxers. "Looks like you have a little problem too," she muttered before leaning in to kiss him. "Or well big," she said into his mouth as her own hand found it's way to his boxers. It was there she let it slip inside and find his cock.

Beginning to pump him in the same rhythm he was stroking her she couldn't help but like the moans that were escaping his mouth. She hadn't heard these sounds from him in two months and by god she had almost forgotten just how hot they had sounded.

"Fuck," Taylor breathed out as he pulled away from the kiss his head falling back against his pillow as she continued to pump him. Her hand was doing wonders for his aching cock but he knew he'd need much more than that. He needed to be inside of her. "I need you baby," he muttered when he was finally able to move his head up to look at her. "I need you so god damn bad."

Hearing Taylor say he needed her, Avery slowly moved her hand out of his boxers before sliding her panties off and throwing them somewhere off the bed. Watching as he did the same with his boxers she then proceeded to maneuver herself on top of him. It was a position they both liked, her riding him.

"Is this better?" she asked once she had moved down on his cock a moan coming out as she spoke. She couldn't deny she liked the way he felt inside of her even after five years of marriage.

"It'd be better if you actually started moving," Taylor told her before pushing her nightgown up. "And if this was gone."

Avery just gave him a wink before discarding the last of her clothes. It was after the nightgown was off though that she started to move on him. At first it was slow but when he started to move with her she just kind of picked up speed. The fact that this hadn't happened in two months made her just want to get off so bad tonight which was probably shallow but she just missed the way it felt when she reached her eventual end with him inside of her, the way it felt when he came as well.

Moaning loudly as Avery started to move on him Taylor's head fell back again against the pillow and it stayed there even as he began to move with her. He knew it had been awhile since they had been together like this and he knew that in this moment his cock was thanking him for getting off work early.

"Fuck baby," he muttered feeling his nails digging into the flesh of skin on her hips. "I love being inside of you," he muttered finally moving his head to look up at her as she rode him. He liked the sight of it, the way she moved on him so effortlessly. The way her breasts moved. It was a beautiful sight, she was a beautiful sight.

Letting her head fall back after awhile Avery moaned louder as she felt her walls closing in around him, his name as well as a few expletives coming out of her mouth as she rode through her orgasm though even after her orgasm she kept her hips moving until he came inside of her, his body shuddering below her as he did so.

It was after he was finished that she let her head fall against his chest briefly as she caught her breath. "I love you," she smiled kissing his chest softly. She did love him and now she kind of felt guilty for her silly worries about Natalie. If tonight was any indication of things then she knew Taylor was hers to keep. He was satisfied by her and she could still get him going.

"I love you too Ave," Taylor whispered as he kissed her shoulder. He did love her and he was glad that she had helped rid him of his worries about his looks. Knowing she still found him sexy even his flaws was enough for him to feel at ease with things. He now wasn't so afraid she'd wake up one day and won't a newer model.  
_________________________________________________________________________

Waking the next morning as he heard his alarm going off Taylor groaned slightly as he turned to look at the clock. Seven-thirty had came earlier then he liked but he knew he had to leave early. He had been so swamped ever since opening his studio.

Reaching over he turned the alarm off and then turned to look at Avery who was still asleep beside him curled up in the covers. She still looked so beautiful to him even in the morning and he hated to leave her but he had too. Leaning in he kissed her cheek softly before slipping out of bed to find his boxers that he had discarded last night.

Once they had been found he left the room after finding some clean clothes. Heading down to the bathroom he quickly showered once there and soon dressed. He knew by the time he made it downstairs though that he didn't have time to eat breakfast here or even make coffee. He'd have to do that on his way to work.

Finding the notepad Avery left by the phone in the kitchen he scribbled her a quick note before leaving for work. He hadn't left a note for her in ages but today it felt kind of right to do that, especially after the night they had last night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "So no time for sex then?" Jessica asked as she too laid her menu down.

Can't Win For Losing Chapter Three

Avery sighed as she sat down at the diner where she was meeting her sister Jessica for lunch, "Sorry I am late," she muttered as she shook her head. "Both Jonah and Charlie didn't want to get ready to go this morning and then on the way to mom and dad's they threw a fit."

Jessica just laughed as she heard Avery speak, "Sounds like Hans when I drove him to Joe's mom's. Showing his lungs off for me."

"Yes but Hans is only a baby my kids are five and three respectively," Avery shrugged as she picked up her menu. "Did you order drinks already. I know I texted saying that you could if you wanted too."

Nodding Jessica picked up her own menu though she knew she'd just order what she always did, "Speaking of your kids ages you need to have another baby soon," she teased knowing Avery would glare at her through the menu. She knew that Avery had said numerous times she wasn't ready for a third child after having her first two so young. That she was making sure now she took her birth control pills religiously. "And yes I ordered the drinks. I got you a water with lemon like you asked for."

"No more babies for me right now," Avery said as she put her menu down after deciding what she wanted. "Though I'm not saying that I won't have another one some day because I would like to have another baby with my husband but I want to wait until I am at least twenty-five. By then both boys will be in school."

Jessica pursed her lips at Avery's answer, "What does Taylor think about you guys holding off on another baby?" she asked knowing Avery had never really stated what he thought of their waiting.

Avery chewed on her lip as she listened to Jessica's question, "He understands my reason for waiting and being on birth control. He would like another baby soon but then again right now he is too busy with work that making a baby is kind of not the top priority right now."

"So no time for sex then?" Jessica asked as she too laid her menu down. "I'm not sure what I would do if Joe and I went through a dry spell."

Making a face at Jessica's words Avery shook her head, "Didn't need to know about your and Joe's sex life," she teased. "But right now our sex isn't as consistent as it used to be. Though last night our dry spell had a little bit of rain," she smiled as she thought of their sex last night. It had been nice and much needed. Just like the note Taylor had left her this morning. He had told her that he hated leaving her so early especially when she looked so beautiful sleeping curled up in their blankets. Then of course he had proceeded to end the letter with his typical xoxo and a kissy face.

"Gross," Jessica teased now shaking her own head. "Didn't need to know about your and Taylor's sex life," she mocked her sister's words before laughing.

Avery stuck her tongue out at Jessica though before she could speak their waiter arrived and they each placed their order. It was after that, that their lunch seemed to go by fast. Both seemed to pass the time by talking about the rest of their plans for the week and also the plans for the rest of the day.

They had both agreed that after lunch they would pick Zoe up from their parents knowing that their mom would be done homeschooling her by then, though of course Avery wasn't sure their mom could do much with Jonah and Charlie there. It would be after they picked Zoe up that they planned to go to the community college for a summer art class thing that Jessica had signed them all up for. Jessica and Zoe both hated art but they knew Avery loved it and Jessica thought it would be a nice bonding experience for them.

By the time they were done Avery agreed to split the check with Jessica and then once they had paid she followed her sister outside, "Do you want me to pick up Zoe or you?" she asked as she checked her watch. "We have fifteen minutes until the class starts."

"I will pick her up," Jessica said as she walked to her car. "You drive too slow and would be late."

Avery just rolled her eyes, "Sorry it's the overprotective mom in me," she joked as she walked to her own car. "I will save you both seats," she said when she reached her car. Seeing Jessica just nod she smiled before getting in her car and starting it up. Driving off she headed towards the college. Luckily for her it was only five minutes away so she'd have some time to spare.

Making it to the college she parked her car in a parking spot and got out, grabbing her pocket book. As she looked around at the campus of the small community college she frowned some feeling a pang that she never got to have this experience. That she had never got to go to college. She had always wanted too.

Shaking her head she put on a happier face as she walked inside the building where the art classes would be held. Going down to the room she smiled seeing other people already there. At least she wasn't the first person to show up. Walking to a desk she sat down, putting her stuff in the two seats beside her so that Zoe and Jessica would have a place to sit when they came in.

As she heard the door open she looked up seeing a man who couldn't be much older than her walk to the board and write stuff down. She was guessing he was the teacher though from his appearance she wouldn't think so. The tight jeans he had on and the way his hair was all a mess even in the ponytail he wore. He looked more like some student himself than a teacher but who was she to judge? She was sure to some people she looked like a regular twenty some female who was care free and single instead of looking like the mother and wife she truly was.

Her attention though was taken from the man up front when she saw Jessica and Zoe come in. Waving them down she smiled when they sat down beside her. It was then they traded hushed whispers until the class started.

Once the class did eventually start Avery had found she was right in assuming that the guy with the tight jeans and messy ponytail was the teacher. He had introduced himself as Mr. Coleman though he had said he wanted the people there just to call him Zac as Mr.Coleman sounded much too formal for him.  
________________________________________________________________________________

Taylor groaned as he sat at his desk in his studio. It was getting dinner time and he still wasn't anywhere near ready to leave. He was too busy looking over the pictures he had taken today, most of which he wasn't happy with. He wasn't happy with the poses or the way anything looked. He blamed that on his perfectionist nature. Everything had to be perfect and it wasn't.

Hearing the front door of the studio open, "We're closed," Taylor called out knowing he should have turned the sign an hour ago but again he had got caught up in these damn pictures that he wasn't happy with at all.

"Even for friends?" Natalie asked as she walked farther into the studio a smile forming on her lips as she saw Taylor sitting at his computer. "I brought you food," she said handing him a bag from Chick-fil-a. "Hope you don't mind that it is take out."

Smiling as he saw Natalie, Taylor shook his head, "I really don't mind take out," he said before taking the bag from her. He might as well take it. He remembered vaguely Avery telling him something about art classes today after her weekly lunch with Jessica and that her mom was also going to be keeping the boys for the night. He doubted Avery would fix anything then. She'd probably get herself take out and usually when she did that she just let him get something on his way in.

"You are a godsend," he smiled as he opened the bag and took the food out. "Not only bringing me food but distracting me from my god awful pictures that I think look horrible."

Natalie shook her head at Taylor's words, "I doubt your stuff is horrible," she said as she watched him begin to eat the food she had brought. "I mean I remember all your pictures you took in high school turned out awesome."

"That was different," Taylor spoke in between bites of food. "They were just random shots. These are posed shots and to be honest some of the people I had to take pictures of today weren't the best," he muttered shaking his head. Most of the ones today had been bratty kids which made him glad his own boys weren't little brats. At least he and Avery were doing something right parenting wise.

Rolling her eyes Natalie sat down in a chair beside him, "Whatever, you are just too hard on yourself. It's the perfectionist in you," she teased remembering he always had to have things perfect even in high school. "The movers finally got everything moved in today. So I'm now officially your neighbor," Natalie smiled before looking down at his wedding band. That was the one downside of all of this. She had to live next door to not only him but his wife and children.

That was one of her major regrets about leaving, that he had moved on. He had moved on with someone so young and that he had been dumb enough to knock her up. "I hope you told your wife," she spoke again as she came out of her thoughts. "I mean I don't want her to be surprised by all of this."

Hearing Natalie ask if he had told Avery about her moving in next door he nodded his head, "I told her last night," he said before finishing his food. "I don't think she was too happy given the look on her face but I'm sure she'll come around especially when she sees you're not a threat," he shrugged before running a hand through his hair.

Natalie faked a smile when Taylor said she wasn't threat, "I'm sure she will come around too," she nodded feeling slightly hurt that it seemed Taylor was indeed over her. How could he have forgotten just how much they had loved each other? They had dated since freshmen year of high school and broke up when they were both twenty-four. How could he forget the feelings and plans they made? She knew she had left him but she had kind of hoped he would still be waiting in case her acting dreams fell through.

"So tell me about your wife and kids," Natalie said faking another smile. "All I know is mom said that she was pregnant when you married. I never expected you to make that big of a mistake," she admitted honestly as she crinkled her nose.

"Jonah wasn't a mistake," Taylor spoke as he shook his head. "Avery and I may not have been the best at being careful when we had sex but our son wasn't a mistake. He was a miracle in disguise."

Natalie raised an eyebrow when Taylor said that Jonah was a miracle in disguise. "How was he a miracle in disguise?" she asked not understanding how something who ruined or postponed both of Taylor and his wife's plans was a miracle in disguise.

"Because Avery and I got a wonderful family because of him," Taylor smiled before looking down at his wedding band. It was a reminder to him every day that he had something he loved and wanted to keep. "I fell in love with her Nat. The moment I saw her holding our son in her arms after she gave birth was when I knew it. She ended up giving me everything I wanted. I wouldn't redo things."

Again Natalie found herself having to force a smile, "I'm glad for you Taylor," she nodded as she ran a hand through her hair. "Glad you got everything you wanted. A family and your own studio but sometimes don't you ever wish it had been me by your side?" she asked chewing her lip. "I mean I know you said you wouldn't redo things but don't you ever wonder what if?"  
__________________________________________________________________

Avery exited the classroom after the class had ended. Following Zoe and Jessica she was vaguely aware of their conversation. Zoe was convinced that the teacher named Zac had been staring at Avery a lot during the class. Something that Avery found absurd.

"You know," Avery spoke as she interrupted Zoe once they were outside in the fresh air. "I really don't think he was looking at me that much. I think it was the same as you or Jessica or any other female in the room."

Zoe couldn't help but laugh at her sister's words, "Listen Avie I know you have been married to Taylor for forever and a day and have probably tuned out other men staring at you but that man in there he was staring and he was liking what he was seeing," she finished as they came to a stop beside Jessica's car.

Avery rolled her eyes, "Well then if you seem so convinced then maybe he was but even if he was he is out of luck because like you mentioned I've been married to Taylor for forever and a day," she smiled before shrugging. "He's the only man I want looking at me."

"You can have other men looking at you too you know," Zoe told her sister as she opened the door to Jessica's car once Jessica unlocked it. "It's not a sin."

"Whatever you say Zoey," Avery whispered before turning and heading to her own car. Getting in she saw the time. It was almost dinner time and usually on days when her mom or Taylor's watched the children she'd get take out but today she kind of felt like just making something for herself at home though getting a coffee sounded great, so instead of heading home immediately after leaving the college campus she found herself driving to the nearest Starbucks where she ordered a coffee for herself and one for Taylor as well.

Ordering one for Taylor had been kind of spontaneous but a part of her wanted to be spontaneous and surprise her husband at work. Hell he might even like the interruption she could provide for him.

Once she had both drinks she drove the short distance to downtown and found a parking space not far from his studio. Getting out she grabbed both drinks and headed inside feeling proud when the bell above the door didn't ring to giveaway her drop in. Walking towards where his desk was she came to a stop a bit away when she saw him talking to a brunette whose face she had only seen in pictures.

Moving out of their eyesight she couldn't help but listen in her eyebrows raising at the question she heard Natalie pose to Taylor. If he ever wondered what if.

"Of course I wonder what if sometimes Nat," Taylor answered as he sighed. He wouldn't redo things but a part of him did have what if moments. "I do wonder what it would be like if you were my wife and the mother of my kids."

Avery closed her eyes as she heard Taylor's words to Natalie. She couldn't help but feel like she had been slapped hard across the face. Feeling tears welling up in her eyes she turned on her heels to leave the studio quickly not even wanting to see her husband now. Not after hearing him confess that he wondered what it would be like to have his ex as a wife.

Hearing the bell on his studio door ring Taylor made a face his face only getting worse when he didn't see or even hear footsteps coming in. "I'll be right back," he said to Natalie who just nodded. Standing after she did nod he headed towards the door seeing Avery walking to her car and he sighed. He had a feeling why she was leaving. She had heard him tell Natalie about his what-ifs.

Opening the door he stepped out and headed after her. "Avery!" he called out as he got closer though she didn't come to a stop. Instead when she heard his voice she picked up her pace. "Damn it Avery will you please stop," he said letting his voice and tone change.

Avery stopped once she reached her car and she turned to face Taylor, "You know," she spat out as she opened her car door. "I wonder what it would be like if I never married you either," she yelled out in anger. "Hell I wonder what it would be like if I never met you. Then I would have accomplished half the shit I wanted too instead of being some damn house wife who spends her nights alone as you get to have your dreams," she spit out feeling guilty the moment the words had came out but she couldn't take them back now.

Taking a step back from Avery after she spoke Taylor just shook his head, "Obviously you didn't hear our entire conversation so you misconstrued what I said but your words definitely aren't misconstrued. If you really feel that way Avery then just leave me okay. God forbid I keep you trapped in such an unhappy life," he whispered before turning his back to her and heading back to his studio. He didn't feel like there wasn't much to say right now. Avery had said it all with her words.

Feeling the tears she had been holding in go down her cheek as Taylor walked away from her she hurled his coffee cup at him, watching as it just hit the ground right as he went inside the studio. Shaking her head she got in her car and buckled up, driving back to her mom's house. She couldn't go home tonight.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "That's the best I can do right now mom."

Can't Win For Losing Chapter Four

Waking up in bed the next day Avery opened her eyes and stretched some as the sun came through her window. Looking beside her in the bed at her mom's house she smiled seeing Jonah on one side and Charlie on the other. It had been awhile since she woke up like this but she wouldn't complain. She liked every bit of time she got with her boys.

Slipping out of bed unnoticed she left the room and headed downstairs where she found her mom at the stove, "Morning mama," she smiled as she went to the coffee pot where there was already coffee waiting. Of course her mother had made coffee. Her mom was like Taylor and couldn't live without it.

"Morning baby girl," Evelyn grinned as she turned to look at her daughter. "You know that husband of yours must really love you," she spoke as she watched her daughter get a cup of coffee. "I mean he's been calling the house for the last hour wanting to talk to you. The last time he called I told him that if he didn't stop I'd turn the phone off," she laughed as she shook her head. "He wants you to come see him at the studio."

Avery closed her eyes and sighed at her mom's words, "I don't know if I want to see him," she spoke honestly as she sat down at the kitchen table once she had a cup of coffee in her hands. "I am still pissed about what I heard him say last night," she frowned some. She couldn't believe he had told Natalie that he did wonder what it would be like if he had married her instead.

"I mean it hurts that he wonders what-if he hadn't married me and married Natalie instead," Avery shrugged wondering if maybe she was overreacting. Maybe she should at least let him explain things.

Evelyn turned to look at her daughter briefly, "Avery that man may wonder what-if all he wants but he is with you. He stayed with you through everything. All the stuff your dad put him through, the hard times paying bills during the first year of your marriage to having Charlie not long after having Jonah. He loves you and I think you should go see him. Work this out like adults. You know it's the Godly thing to do."

Rolling her eyes as her mom mentioned them working things out as being the Godly thing to do she drank more of her coffee remaining silent. Her father may be a preacher but that didn't mean she was religious. She had stopped caring so much about her faith the moment the whole town labeled her a whore for becoming pregnant at seventeen.

"I'll think about it," Avery finally spoke as she finished her coffee and stood up taking the empty cup to the sink. "That's the best I can do right now mom."

Evelyn sighed but knew she would just drop the subject. Her daughter could be stubborn at times and obviously right now was one of those times. "If he calls again you're answering," she spoke as she shook her head. "He's your husband not mine and I'm not going to be involved in this anymore."  
______________________________________________________

Taylor sighed to himself as he sat in his studio. It was almost noon and he had listened to Avery's mom. He hadn't called her anymore even if he was dying to call her. He just wanted to talk to Avery and tell her that she had misheard things. That she had missed him telling Natalie that he wouldn't take back being married to her.

Looking up when he heard the door open he had hope that maybe it was Avery coming to see him but that hope deflated the moment he saw his brother coming into the part where his office was.

"Don't look so sad to see me," Isaac teased as he sat down in the empty chair in the office. "I got all ten of your voice-mails though. I am pretty sure you fucked up royally with your wife."

Taylor glared at Isaac's words, "Tell me something I don't already know," he sighed as he shook his head. "I fucked up with her and now she won't even talk to me. Her mom keeps answering whenever I call her parents and I just want to speak with her. Explain that she had heard things wrong."

Isaac just shook his head, "You shouldn't have even told Natalie what you did. I mean if Marit or Kate came back into my life like hell would I tell them I did wonder what if. I'm happy with Nikki and our soon to be growing family."

"It wasn't what I said that made her leave though," Taylor frowned as he went back to Avery's words after she had misheard the conversation. "Okay maybe that was partly it but I kind of told her to leave me," he admitted knowing he had left that part out during his voice-mails to Isaac. "She said she wondered what if too and went into some rant on how her life would be better without me. It stung and it hurt and I told her if she wanted that she could leave."

Grimacing at his brother's words Isaac looked down, "Then maybe this break is a good thing Tay," he said honestly. "I mean every marriage hits a rough patch and if she was wondering that then maybe her being away from you for now is good because she can decide if she wants the life without you that she wonders about or she can realize how much she loves you and her life with you and she'll come back."

"But I don't want her to decide she likes the life without me," Taylor told his brother as he made a face trying to picture his life without Avery or the boys there every day. It was hard to do and it hurt him to consider it.  
_________________________________________________________

Avery groaned out loud as she parked her car on the busy street downtown.Once she was out of her car she went to the backseat where she got Charlie out of his booster seat and put him down on the sidewalk holding his hand as she walked over to the other side of the car and got Jonah out also putting him down and holding his hand as well. It was easier if she had both boys on either side of her as they crossed the street leading to Taylor's studio.

Taylor hadn't called since the last time he talked to her mom and now it was going on lunch time. She had taken the boys out for lunch and before she had even left the restaurant Charlie and Jonah had both piped up that they missed their daddy and wanted to see him. Avery knew she may have been mad at him but she couldn't keep his kids from him and they hadn't seen Taylor at all yesterday so she'd let the boys come see their dad.

When they made it to his studio Avery raised an eyebrow as she stopped at the doors as Isaac was coming out of the place. She hadn't expected to see anyone but Taylor here or maybe Natalie since it seemed Taylor fucking missed her and wondered about life with her.

"Ave," Isaac smiled as he let the door shut behind him. He didn't want Taylor to come rushing out here and seeming pathetic which was why he had waited to say her name until after the door shut. "I wasn't expecting to run into you today," he said as he looked down at his nephews who were on either side of Avery.

Avery shrugged as she returned Isaac's smile, "The boys and I went out for lunch and they wanted to see daddy before we went back to Nana and Paw-Paw's," she said using the terms her boys used for her mom and dad. "I couldn't let them down."

Isaac chuckled some at his sister-in-law's words and he knew in that moment he couldn't wait until his own child got here, "I am sure Taylor will love that," he said as he bent down to his nephew's levels. "How are you two doing huh? You still my buddy Charlie?" he asked as he looked at Taylor's youngest son. Both boys were spitting images of his brother. He swore if it were possible Taylor could have just carried them and birthed them himself.

Charlie looked at his uncle Isaac and nodded his head, "I your buddy," he smiled as he leaned into his mommy trying to act shy.

Isaac laughed at his nephew's shyness before turning to Jonah, "And you Mr. Jonah need to stop growing on me."

Jonah shrugged as he looked at his uncle, "Daddy says I have to grow though so I can become big like him."

"Do you really wanna be big like him?" Isaac asked Jonah as he raised an eyebrow curiously. "I mean if you are big like him you won't be able to hold your mommy's hand anymore."

Making a face Jonah frowned at that thought, "Then maybe I will stay little," he said not sure if he wanted to get too big that he had to stop holding his mommy's hand.

At that Isaac laughed before standing up and looking at Avery, "I should get going now. I have to get back to Nikki. She is in that phase where she wants the house spotless and I really don't want her doing too much heavy lifting," he said before rolling his eyes. "Hopefully I will see you soon and hopefully you and my brother will have fixed things."

When Isaac said the last thing Avery nodded giving him a fake smile as he walked off. Of course Taylor told him about their problems. He always went running to his big brother about their problems.

Shaking her head she let go of her boys hands as she opened the door to the photography studio and the moment she had it opened she had to hold back a real smile as both boys took off running inside. Jonah yelling out daddy and Charlie doing the same eventually because once Jonah did something Charlie usually had to do it as well.

Hearing his sons Taylor who had finished his lunch stood from his desk and walked out into the main area just in time to catch Jonah and then Charlie as they came running to him. Smiling as he picked them both up he looked at Avery who was following behind them.

"We missed you daddy," Jonah said as he spoke for both of them.

Taylor smiled more as he looked at his oldest son, "And I missed you too little man."

Coming to a stop in front of Taylor, Avery sighed, "The boys and I were out having lunch and they wanted to see you before I went back to my parents."

Hearing Avery, Taylor nodded feeling a bit stung that Avery hadn't come here on her own like he had wanted her to do and also because she mentioned going back to her parents house. "You and the boys could come back home," he told her as he held both of his sons closer to him.

Avery looked down when Taylor told her that she and the boys could come back home, "I don't think that would be best right now," she said honestly knowing she was still hurt over what she had heard and deep down she knew Taylor had to still be hurt from what she had said to him after as well.

"I do," Taylor admitted honestly ignoring that Isaac had said time apart could be good for them. He was scared that she'd realize she liked life better without him. "I want you back home Avie."

Looking down still Avery sighed, "Taylor I said I don't think it's best and I meant it," she said her voice coming out firm. "But I will drop by tomorrow afternoon to get some stuff for the boys and I. We can talk more then. I'll make sure not to have little ears with me."

Taylor just frowned at Avery's resistance but he didn't fight her. Instead he put both of his boys down and decided to spend some time with them. At least until he had to go back to work. He wasn't sure how long Avery would stay at her parents house and he wanted to spend these precious minutes with his boys because he wasn't sure when they'd be back home with him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "I'm here aren't I?"

Can't Win For Losing Chapter Five

Avery chewed her lip hard as she sat in her car in her own driveway. It had been a day since the studio visit and she was keeping her word about coming and getting her stuff today. Taylor had even texted her this morning to make sure she was coming, saying that he'd take the day off work just to see her and speak with her and from the looks of his truck in the driveway he had kept good on his word.

Taking a deep breath Avery slipped out of her car and walked to the door. Just as she was about to raise her hand to knock she stopped when the door opened and she was greeted by her husband's face. It was apparent from his still messy hair and the fact that he was only wearing his plaid pajama pants that he had just woken up not too long ago.

"You don't have to knock," Taylor told Avery as he moved aside so she could come in. "This is still your house too babe," he sighed hating the fact that she even thought she had to knock.

"I know," Avery nodded as she stepped inside and gave him a smile. "I just wanted to be polite I guess," she shrugged as she walked farther into the house and went to the couch sitting down. "I'm guessing you'd rather talk before I get clothes together for the boys and I."

Taylor walked to the couch and sat down beside Avery, "I would," he said knowing he'd rather her not get clothes at all. He'd rather she bring the boys back home and come back to where she belonged. "You misunderstood what I said to Natalie," he told her as he reached for her hand.

"Exactly how can I misunderstand you telling her you wonder what if she was your wife and the mother of your kids?" Avery asked as she let Taylor take her hand. She felt she could at least allow him that even in her anger towards him.

"Because you missed me telling her that I wouldn't take back marrying you," Taylor smiled as he squeezed her hand. "That I love you and don't have any regrets. That I knew I was in love with you the moment I saw you holding Jonah in your arms. I don't want to lose you Avie," he said as he tried to keep smiling but it failed, "and right now I feel like I am losing you."

Looking down at his last words Avery shook her head, "You aren't losing me," she reassured him not even sure she sounded convincing to herself. All she kept remembering was her words to Nikki days prior when she had stated she was worrying that she was losing him. Maybe they were both losing each other. "I'm here aren't I?"

"But you aren't really," Taylor shook his head at Avery's words. "You'll be gone in a few hours once you get clothes together and I'll just be here by myself for god knows how long."

Going silent Avery knew he had a point. She was here but she wasn't. She'd be gone once she had the clothes packed. "I may not be here physically but I'm here," she said once she looked back up at him. "I haven't given up on our marriage," she smiled or at least tried to smile. "But I think space is what we both need right now Tay. I said words that hurt you and while I may have missed you telling her you didn't want to take back marrying me I am still hurt that you even told her what you did tell her."

Frowning at her words Taylor let go of Avery's hand, "And what if you decide you want that life you wish you had?" he asked letting his anger about this whole situation come out in his tone. "What happens if during your time needing space that you decide you want to give up?" he asked another question his tone staying angry and bitter.

"That won't happen," Avery said as she shook her head again trying to reassure him and again she almost felt unsure of what she was saying. "I love you," she smiled knowing that she was at least sure of those words. She was in love with him and she hoped that was enough to keep her from deciding to give up on their marriage.

Taylor just rolled his eyes but he didn't see the point in arguing with her anymore. He was afraid they'd just go around in circles if they did so. "I at least want to have the kids some until you decide to come home," he told her knowing he didn't want to go too long without seeing his boys. He had to have some form of his old life.

Avery nodded knowing if he wanted to see the kids she wouldn't keep him from them, "I can bring them over Sunday after church," she told him knowing that her father would at least want them in church. It had been awhile since she had taken the boys. "Though who is going to watch them when you work?"

"My mom," Taylor smirked as he shrugged his shoulders. "You know she always complains she never sees them enough anyway."

Avery laugh knowing that what he said was true. Diana Hanson was known to complain that her parents saw the kids more than she and Walker did. It was something Avery found irritating but she kept it to herself especially when Diana confronted her about it personally. She usually tried to remain calm and just tell the woman it was untrue but deep down it wasn't. Avery knew she had a tendency to let her parents see the kids more than Taylor's did. She just had never been close to her husband's parents even if she was close to her brother-in-law and his wife.

"She'll love it," she said sincerely as she broke the silence before standing from the couch. "I should go pack my clothes and the boys clothes too," she told him before leaving and heading upstairs.

Watching Avery leave Taylor just stayed silent. He wanted to stop her and tell her this was ridiculous but this was what she thought was best and as her husband he was going to support it even if he thought differently. He would just suck this up like the man he was.

Going into the bedroom she shared with Taylor once she had made it upstairs Avery quickly packed a few of her clothes and then she went into the room the boys shared and packed a few clothes for them as well. Once she had everything packed she headed back downstairs seeing Taylor sitting on the couch though he stood up when she came down.

"I think I have everything," she told him before walking to the door as he followed behind her. When she came to a stop with him mere inches from her she reached out with a free hand and touched his cheek softly. "I do love you," she told him again as she leaned in to kiss him on the lips.

Kissing Avery back Taylor reached out and instinctively pulled her closer to him. He wasn't sure when he'd kiss her again and he wanted this one to be one she wouldn't forget so easily.

Avery let herself kiss Taylor a bit longer when he pulled her closer but eventually she broke away from the kiss, "I need to get going. I have to drop the clothes off and pick Zoe up so that we can go to that art class thing. It's the second class and I really don't want to be late."

"Right wouldn't want you to be late," Taylor nodded as he moved away soon watching her leave their house. The moment the door was shut though he picked up a vase off the counter near the front door and sent it hurling towards the nearest wall. The moment it shattered he felt himself start to cry. He hated how things were right now.  
_____________________________________________________________________________

Avery who sat in class at the community college looked up from the drawing that Mr.Coleman or as he liked to be called Zac, had them doing. She could feel eyes on her and the moment she looked up she blushed as she saw Zac staring at her. All she could think of were Zoe's words on the first day. She had dismissed them but maybe her sister had been right.

Looking away from him Avery blushed more but continued her drawing glad when the feeling of eyes on her went away. Though that didn't last long because again she soon felt eyes on her and again she looked up to see Zac watching her. She was sure in that moment that Zoe had been right about Zac staring at her on the first day. There was no maybe anymore.

Avery looked down again and went back to drawing her picture and for the rest of class that is how she stayed. It was only when class was over and they had to turn in their drawings that she found herself feeling uneasy and blushing especially when she was the one at Zac's desk. Laying the paper down she turned to leave but stopped when she heard the teacher say her name.

Turning to face Zac she raised an eyebrow, "Y..yes?" she asked stuttering slightly out of nervous habit.

"It's a shame you're married," Zac spoke as he looked down at her wedding band. "I'd love to take you out on a date sometime."

At Zac's words Avery felt her mouth drop open and she was slightly glad he had waited until everyone left the room to say anything to her. "Well you sure you are blunt," she laughed trying to ease her own nerves now.

"Or I just know what I like and want to make it known," Zac smirked as he locked eyes with the woman. He knew he was overstepping tons of boundaries but he had always went after what he liked and with Avery he had liked what he saw the moment he saw her during the first class.

"And it's known," Avery said as she felt herself blush again knowing her nerves were getting the best of her. "But like you said I am married," she said holding her hand with her wedding band up.

Zac just nodded, "Doesn't mean that won't stop me from looking," he said honestly. "And hoping something happens to make you stop wearing it."

Again Avery blushed, "Aren't you nice. Wishing my marriage trouble just so you can take me out on a date," she teased him without even thinking. "I have kids. Two sons."

"I love kids," Zac replied after hearing her saying she had kids. "My ex and I even talked about having our own but she left me before that could happen."

Just shaking her head Avery turned to leave without another word. Making it where her sisters were waiting for her in the hall she avoided their glances and questions though she figured eventually she'd tell them even if it meant Zoe rubbing it in her face that she was right.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "You are my son and anything you set your mind to you do."

Can't Win For Losing Chapter Six

Arriving home after his class Zac sighed as he opened the door and the smell of food cooking from the kitchen hit his nose. Shutting the front door behind him he slipped his shoes off and headed towards where the smell was coming from. He wasn't surprised to find his mom pulling out her famous chicken casserole from the oven.

"I love when you make that," Zac told her as he walked over and kissed her cheek softly. "I don't know what I'd do without you here feeding me," he joked though it was partly true. He wasn't the best cook even after numerous attempts by his mom and past ex's to teach him how to cook.

Jolene turned to look at her son and she laughed, "Sadly neither do I," she said as she placed the casserole down on the stove to cool off. "That's why you need to find you a wife already."

Zac just shook his head, "I almost had one you know," he told his mother as he walked away to go change clothes. "But she left me for someone else she saw more suitable."

"Seems to be our luck with love," Jolene mused as she watched her son leave. She too had once found someone suitable to marry at one point but then he had left her to go back to his wife. He had left her with a parting gift. Zachary who was her life and she wouldn't take him back even if being a single mom had been hard.

Coming out of her thoughts as Zac came back into the kitchen a short while later Jolene rolled her eyes seeing that he had already changed into his pajamas. "It's not even eight."

"And?" Zac asked as he looked at his mom before grabbing a plate and putting some of the chicken casserole on it. The moment he did he heard his stomach grumble and he knew at this rate he'd probably be going back for seconds.

"And you should go out and be meeting women," Jolene nodded as she fixed her own plate. "You do need a wife one day. You are almost twenty-nine and I would like some grand-babies soon."

Zac just shook his head, "Oh yes I can see me meeting women and offering to bring them home to the house I share with my mom," he laughed before taking a bite of his food though he found his thoughts drifting to Avery as he spoke. He knew he had overstepped boundaries and he knew that he had been bold with what he said but he meant every word he said. He'd take her on a date though she didn't seem like the type who would have sex on the first date. He'd wait for that for as long as she made him even if it broke her marriage vows. There was just something about her he wanted and when he wanted something he usually made it a habit to get it.

Jolene laughed at her son's words, "Well hopefully you will find your own place soon. I mean you just moved her two months ago from California were you decided to run off and go to college. You're lucky you found that teaching job so soon."

"That teaching job is just during the summer," Zac reminded his mom though he knew he had the option of being hired full time for main courses that would actually be worth real grades if this class did well.

Jolene shrugged, "I know you baby boy and you'll knock it out of the park and get a full time job," she nodded as she looked at him. The one thing Zac seemed to inherit from her was her want to get things. That was after all how she had landed his father for their brief time together. He had left his wife and she seized the opportunity because she could. She had just hoped he would stay.

Zac smiled hoping his mom's confidence in him was right. "I still want my own place before I get the full time job," he said knowing when Avery eventually came to him and gave in to her lusts that he wanted somewhere to take her. He didn't want to have to take her to some cheap motel. Zac wasn't the type to take women to motels even if sometimes he was the type to have one night stands.

"You will find your own place," Jolene spoke as she gave him a smile. "You are my son and anything you set your mind to you do."  
____________________________________________________________________

Taylor sat on his front porch that night after Avery had came to get her stuff. The rest of his day had went by uneventful and after crying he had eventually cleaned up the broken vase and he had even managed to fix himself dinner. He had always known how to cook even if he didn't do it often. He was thankful his mom had taught him early how to cook.

"Want some company?" a voice asked him and he looked up seeing Natalie standing in front of him. The woman who was partly to blame for his wife being gone.

Nodding Taylor moved aside so that she could sit down beside him, "I didn't even hear you walk over," he admitted knowing he had been lost in his thoughts of Avery and what she was probably doing at this moment with the boys. If she was thinking of him like he was thinking of her.

"I wanted to be quite. You almost looked lost in thought so I wanted to give you a few more minutes of that," Natalie said as she sat down beside him after he moved aside.

"I was lost in thought," Taylor answered as he blushed and he was glad that she couldn't see it thanks to it being dark out. "I was thinking of Avery and the kids."

Natalie forced a smile when Taylor told her he was thinking of his wife and kids, "Where are they?" she asked surprised at the lack of a second car in the driveway.

"Not here," Taylor replied back his words harsher than he had meant and when he saw her jump at them he made a face feeling bad. "Sorry," he apologized as he shook his head. "Avery and the kids are at her parents. Avery's going to be there until god knows when but at least I get my kids on Sunday and get to keep them for a few days."

At this information Natalie went silent as her smile fell. She knew if she smiled again it would be real. She hadn't expected Avery not to be home but a part of her had a feeling his precious wife wasn't here because of what she had overheard. "Is she gone because of the conversation we had the other night?" she asked deciding to play dumb.

Taylor nodded at Natalie's question, "Partly and partly because of what she said after as well. She just thinks we need space and that it will do us good," he told her his voice giving away that he didn't agree with this situation.

"And you don't think it is good?" Natalie asked again playing dumb.

"No," Taylor frowned as he laughed bitterly. "I am afraid she may decide she likes life without me and she'll never come back."

Natalie shook her head at his words, "Any woman would be a fool to leave you," she said trying to reassure him though deep down she was hoping that Avery would stay gone.

"You left me," Taylor frowned again as he thought of that. He may have loved Avery now but it had hurt him when she left even if her leaving had lead him to Avery. At the time though he hadn't realized that there was better to come for his life.

"And I was a fool," Natalie replied honestly as she reached over and patted Taylor's leg softly. "I was a fool and I regret it because I lost the man I love," she said before standing up. She hadn't used past tense on purpose. She hoped he got the hint from her words that she still loved him.

Without speaking another words she turned and headed back to her house wanting to leave him with her admission of love.

As Natalie walked away Taylor raised an eyebrow at her words and he couldn't help the horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach at Natalie saying she had lost the man she loved. Of course he knew that meant she still loved him. Though he could only hope she meant a friendly love because that's all he could give her now.  
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Avery yawned as she laid on her bed that night at her parents house. Turning to look at her sister who had joined her she sighed and rested her head on Zoe's arm. "You were right," she spoke before smirking some. "I mean about the art teacher Zac. He does like me and I guess he was indeed staring at me during the first class."

"Oh?" Zoe asked as she looked over at her sister. "How do you know I was right?"

"Because today after class he told me if I wasn't married that he'd take me out on a date," Avery blushed as she told Zoe what Zac had said. As she recounted his words she couldn't help the butterflies in her stomach or the nervous feeling she got every time she found out someone liked her. "I of course rebuffed him."

Zoe laughed at Avery before looked at the ceiling, "But it flatters you that he likes you," she said not even questioning it. "That he wants to take you out on a date."

Avery blushed more but nodded her head, "It does flatter me," she said honestly as she yawned again. "I mean no one's taken me out on a date since I got pregnant with Jonah."

"Taylor stopped?" Zoe asked curiously as she yawned herself now.

"We just never had time anymore," Avery answered knowing that they had just stopped having time for anything that normal couples would do. "It got worse once he got the studio," she said as she sighed and felt herself moving away from Zoe. "I just want to go out on a date again."

Zoe laughed before closing her eyes, "Then let Zac take you out," she suggested teasingly knowing her sister wouldn't and that it also wouldn't be right since she was married to Taylor.

At Zoe's words Avery couldn't help but contemplate them to herself as she drifted off to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "She is looking for trouble," she muttered to herself before also leaving her room and heading downstairs.

Can't Win For Losing Chapter Seven

Avery groaned to herself as she stood in front of the mirror in her bedroom the next day. The art class started in an hour and she hadn't even decided on a damn thing to wear. Everything she had was just too bland. Too bland and too momish. Shaking her head she turned and left the room heading down to Zoe's room.

Knocking on the door as she opened it she looked at her sister who turned around on the bed, giving her a look. Blushing Avery looked down unable to meet Zoe's gaze. "C..can I borrow one of your outfits?" she asked stuttering slightly on her first word.

"You want to borrow one of my outfits?" Zoe asked as she stood from her bed and pulled Avery into the room closing the door behind her older sister. "You really want to borrow one of my outfits?" she asked wanting to make sure for certain that she had heard Avery right.

"I do," Avery confirmed as she felt her cheeks heat up more.

Zoe shook her head before walking to her closet and throwing it open. "What kind of outfit? Laid back or flirty?" she asked as she turned to face her sister and raised an eyebrow. "I am going to go with flirty because I think you want to impress a certain someone named Zac Coleman."

Avery looked away from Zoe at her accusation of her wanting to impress him, "I don't want to impress him," she lied. A part of her did want to impress him and have him looking at her again. It kind of did still flatter her that she could turn guy's heads beside her husband.

"Don't lie to me," Zoe replied before pulling out a pink little sundress that had ruffles at the bottom. "This will get him to look at all the right places," she said before handing her sister the dress. "And here are some cute shoes to match," she said before bending down and grabbing a pair of white flip flips with rhinestones on them. "Maybe put up your hair too and put on some make-up."

Listening to Zoe, Avery felt her heart hammer in her chest. Put her hair up and make-up on. She hadn't put her hair up in any fancy way since marrying Taylor and she swore the last time she had worn make up had been the night she had gotten pregnant with Charlie. She half suspected that was the reason Taylor hadn't been able to keep his hands off her.

"Right hair up and make-up on," Avery nodded as she turned to open the door and leave the room. Heading to the room she now occupied she knew she'd have to do all of this quickly. But she was good at quick that was how it felt she had been her whole life. She was quick and she wasn't new to this. She could do this. She could turn Zac's head the same way she had turned heads before Taylor. It would just take her some time to get back on the bicycle again and remember how to ride it.

Watching Avery leave Zoe just shook her head before laughing softly, "She is looking for trouble," she muttered to herself before also leaving her room and heading downstairs.

"Aunt Zoey," Jonah exclaimed as he ran over to his aunt when she came downstairs. "Is mommy ready to leave? I have something I want her to give to daddy," he said before producing a drawing from behind his back.

Zoe gave her nephew a smile before taking the drawing from him, "Not yet buddy but once she gets dressed she will be," she told him before looking over the drawing. "What is this buddy?"

"Our family," Jonah answered as he pointed to the figures, "That's daddy and mommy and that's me and Charlie."

"But whose the other person?" Zoe asked pointing to the figure beside Charlie.

Jonah grinned when his Aunt Zoey asked about that, "That's the baby sister I want mommy to have," he said as he locked eyes with his aunt. "Do you think mommy and daddy will give me a baby sister soon?"

Zoe forced a smile at Jonah's words, "I think your mommy and daddy will give you a baby sister when the time is right," she nodded before looking up as she heard footsteps coming down the stairs. Seeing her sister when she reached the bottom her mouth dropped open. Avery looked stunning.

"Mommy," Jonah said as he eyed his mother. "You look different."

Blushing again Avery laughed as she walked over to her oldest son, "A good different or a bad different?" she asked him as she bent down to his level.

"Good," Jonah smiled as he put his hands on her cheek. "You look pretty."

"I am glad you think that," Avery told him as she pulled him into a hug and smiled. If her son thought she was pretty then maybe Zac would think so as well.

Standing up she looked at Zoe who also stood up, "You ready?" she asked her before raising an eyebrow.

Zoe nodded, "Yeah I am ready," she said as she handed Avery the drawing from Jonah. "Your son wants you to give that to his daddy," she spoke as she walked towards the door.

Looking down at the drawing in her hands Avery kept her eyebrow raised before following Zoe, "What is it?" she asked curiously as she sighed to herself. She didn't really want to see Taylor today but she guessed she could run the picture to him after class.

"Your family," Zoe replied back as if Avery should know. "You, Taylor,Jonah, Charlie and the baby sister Jonah wants you and Taylor to give him."

At Zoe's last words Avery stopped in her tracks and examined the picture again looking at the figure beside who she assumed was Charlie. Jonah wanted another sibiling. He wanted a sister. A sister that she couldn't guarantee that he would get especially anytime soon.

But it wasn't that part that made her stop. It was the reality that Avery wanted another man besides her husband to look at her with lust. Avery wanted Zac to want her and it was her son's innocent drawing that brought home the fact that she was a horrible wife for wanting that.  
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Zac sighed to himself as the art class ended and he watched his students leave. Seeing Avery at the door he called her name out again much like he had yesterday and watching as she said something to the girls with her he watched as they left and she turned to face him. When she did he just let his eyes roam over her body.

She was wearing a dress today. A cute little sundress that hugged her curves in the right places and also stopped at just the right length on her legs. Legs that he had found himself staring at for far too long as she had been doing the work he had assigned.

"You know you are making this tempting on me," he finally spoke as he walked closer to where she was. Her hair was up in a ponytail except for her bangs which flattered her face just right. "I couldn't keep my eyes off you during class."

Avery felt herself blush and at his words any guilt she had with Jonah's drawing had left her. She liked knowing she could make Zac so tempted. She liked knowing she still had what it took to get a man to want her. "Is it bad that you couldn't keep your eyes off of me?" she asked trying to play innocent.

Zac just shook his head no, "Not for me," he replied. "Maybe for your husband though," he said as he looked down at the ring still on her finger.

"My husband?" Avery asked as she too looked down at her wedding band.

"I'm going to end up kissing his wife if she keeps doing things to tempt me," Zac told her honestly as he walked around her and shut the door. "I want to kiss you now but I don't know if you kiss before the first date."

Laughing Avery just shook her head but she didn't protest when he shut the door, "Who said there was even going to be a first date?" she teased as he walked back to where she stood once the door was shut.

"I did," Zac nodded as he stopped in front of her. "Yesterday I said I wanted to take you on a date and I meant it."

At his words Avery chewed on her lip as she found herself locking eyes with him. It was funny what could happen once you knew someone liked you. Once the can of worms had been opened. "Then take me out on a date," she said remembering Zoe's words from last night. "Take me out on Sunday night," she nodded knowing she wouldn't have the kids then. She would be free to be with him without burdening her parents with her kids.

"Where?" Zac asked her as he locked eyes with her. "I'll take you anywhere you want to go."

"There's this place not far from here. It's a bar but it's one of my favorites," Avery spoke as she remembered the place well. It was somewhere Taylor used to take her when they were dating. She had to sneak in then but each time had been worth it. "I can give you the address via a text and we can meet there," she said as she took her phone out of her purse and pulled up her contacts. "Just type your name and number in," she smiled before handing him her phone.

Taking the phone from Avery, Zac typed his name as well as his number in before handing the phone to her, "And your husband won't wonder where you are sneaking off too?"

"My husband and I are separated at the moment," Avery answered knowing it was partly a lie. She and Taylor may not be in the same house at the moment but they hadn't decided on ending their marriage. In fact she had told him the other day that they'd be fine but that was before she knew Zac liked her. That was before she found that she liked having a man who wasn't her husband interested in her.

Putting her phone away again she leaned into Zac and kissed him on the cheek ever so softly before turning and opening the door to leave the classroom. As she walked outside she could feel her heart pounding in her chest again. She knew what she was doing was wrong. She had, had that reality check earlier tonight but that didn't mean she wanted to stop even if she was a horrible wife.

"Fuck," she whispered to herself as she made it to her car and got in. She was thankful that Jessica had agreed to take Zoe home. She knew Zoe would wonder what Zac had wanted and a part of her didn't want to tell Zoe that she had done like she said. She was letting Zac take her on a date.

Starting her car up she pulled out of the parking space and eventually she left the community college, heading to the photography studio where she was sure Taylor still was. She was going to give him the drawing like Jonah wanted her too. Avery just hoped she could face him with a straight face knowing that on Sunday she'd be letting another man take her out on a date.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Babe you never look too momish," he reassured her not sure why she would care how she looked at some art class.

Can't Win For Losing Chapter Eight

Avery parked her car beside the sidewalk downtown. Grabbing the picture Jonah drew she stepped out of her car and headed to Taylor's studio. Seeing the light still on even though the sign said closed she tried the door a smile appearing on her lips as she opened it and the bell rang.

"It's closed," Taylor called out from the back room where he sat in his seat doing some last minute work on a few of the pictures he had taken today.

"I know," Avery answered as she walked to where his office was and stopped in the door. "Though you should really start locking your doors once you close," she teased him as he turned to face her. "I mean god forbid someone come in and kidnap you or something."

Looking at his wife Taylor raised an eyebrow at her appearance, "Well if my kidnappers looked as beautiful as you I may not put up a fight," he smirked as he stood from his chair and walked over to her. "You always get this dressed up to come downtown?"

Avery felt herself blush at her husband's words, "I wanted to look good," she said telling part of the truth again. "I mean I had art class today and I guess I just didn't want to look too momish," she shrugged as she kept a hold of Jonah's picture in her hand. "Speaking of momish though Jonah wanted me to give this to you," she spoke holding the picture out to him.

At Avery's words Taylor kept his eyebrow raised, "Babe you never look too momish," he reassured her not sure why she would care how she looked at some art class. Hearing her mention that Jonah wanted her to give him something he looked down at the piece of paper in her hands and took it from her looking it over.

"It's our family," Avery told him ignoring his comment on her never looking too momish. "You and me and Jonah and Charlie along with the baby sister that Jonah wants us to give him."

Taylor felt his eyes widen at the baby sister comment, "So that's the person after Charlie?" he asked as he tried not to laugh.

"Indeed it is," Avery nodded her head. "That's a baby sister that we are expected to give him."

Taylor finally did laugh as he shook his head, "I swear our children are crazy."

Playing offended Avery fake glared at her husband, "They are not. They are just a tad bit special," she smirked before laughing herself. It felt good that at least they weren't arguing nor was he trying to change her mind about coming home. "I do find it amusing though that he wants a baby sister."

"You would," Taylor said to her as he shook his head. "I mean you are the one who wants to wait until Charlie is five to have another baby."

"I thought you were okay with waiting too?" Avery asked as she raised an eyebrow.

Shrugging Taylor ran a hand through his hair, "I wouldn't mind having another little one running around before Charlie is five," he said as he gave her a smile. "Even if it isn't a baby sister like Jonah wants."

Avery just sighed not sure how she felt about this information. She wasn't sure she was ready for another child. She loved the two she had but sometimes they could be a handful and with Taylor never there as much since he was always busy here she just wasn't sure she could raise three children on her own right now.

"I just don't think I am ready for a third right now," Avery spoke finally as she looked at him. "I mean you are busy here and whenever I do go back home it'll just be me and the boys and I don't know if I can handle raising three children mostly by myself. Especially two very hyper boys and a baby who would need a lot of my time."

Taylor frowned some as he listened to Avery's concerns, "I am sorry. I mean about being busy here all the time," he apologized as he laid the drawing Jonah made for him on the table before pulling Avery into him by her arm. "I wish I could be home with you and the kids more though."

"I wish that too," Avery admitted unable to meet his gaze once she was basically against his chest now thanks to him pulling her closer.

Giving Avery a smile Taylor leaned down to kiss her forehead, "You know you really do look beautiful tonight," he whispered as his arms moved around her waist.

Blushing again Avery just looked up at him especially when she felt his hands moving down to her ass, "I think you have already said that once," she smiled before moving up to kiss him on the lips softly. She was glad to see that this dressing up had not only impressed Zac but that it had impressed her husband too.

Kissing Avery back for a bit Taylor pulled away from the kiss to look down at her. He had an idea in his head and god he hoped that Avery ran with it. "So this is crazy but I kind of have an idea," he told her as he blushed now too. They hadn't done something this erotic before but he didn't see the use in at least bringing it up and hoping she was game.

"And what idea do you have?" Avery asked as she looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

"I kind of want to take pictures of you," Taylor answered as his blush got worse. "And as I do I kind of want you to undress for me until you are naked."

At Taylor's answer Avery felt her eyes widen and she stood there in shock for what felt like forever. "You are serious?" she asked finally able to find her voice.

Taylor nodded his head letting her know he was serious. "I am very serious. You are just too beautiful and I want pictures to document that."

Feeling herself blush yet again Avery just smiled, "O..okay," she agreed before walking back to the main part of his studio. "But lock the damn doors cause I don't want someone walking in on this."  
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Zac sat on the porch of the house he shared with his mom. A cigarette was between his lips and he held a lighter to it as he lit it. He had came out here to think about the events of today. Avery had agreed to go out on a date with him and while he should have been happy he couldn't help but feel nervous and scared now. He knew she was married or well separated but couples could always get back together.

Hearing the door open as he took his first drag off his cigarette he watched as his mom came to sit down beside him. He figured she'd get on to him for smoking mainly cause she hated it.

"You know usually I'd get on to you for sucking on that cancer stick," Jolene told Zac as she laughed some before looking out at their neighborhood. Most of the houses were dark by now. "But I know something is bothering you. You weren't your usual self at dinner tonight. Teasing me for trying something new and burning it like I always do all the new food I fix."

"I have a date this Sunday," Zac admitted before taking another drag off his cigarette. "Some woman in my art class."

Hearing that Zac had a date Jolene grinned, "That's wonderful but why is that bothering you?"

Zac laughed some before taking a deep breath, "Because she is married," he revealed knowing his mother had always warned him not to date someone married. "Well she claims she is separated but couples can always get back together and what if I end up falling for her and she decides to go back to her husband?"

"Oh," Jolene muttered as she fell silent at her son's admission. "You know what I always said about dating married people," she said knowing she hadn't wanted Zac to end up like her. She hadn't wanted her son to date someone who was married and then get hurt when they chose to stay with their spouse. Of course though Jolene had never told Zac about her past or that his father had been married. That she had dated him when he and his wife were separated.

"I know," Zac nodded at his mom's words. Going silent for awhile he took a few more drags off the cigarette before speaking again. "But there is just something about Avery Hanson that makes me want her."

Hearing the girls name Jolene paled slightly but hoped that Zac couldn't see. "Hanson is her married name?" she asked curiously a tiny part of her hoping so.

"Yeah," Zac answered. "I believe Reed is her maiden name. She sits beside two girls who I think are her sister. One is married as well cause she wears a wedding band too but the other doesn't and her last name is Reed."

Jolene smiled feeling as if the color was returning to her face now, "I remember pastor Reed from when I used to go to church," she said knowing that was how she had met Zac's dad. "Your dad and I met at one of his services," she laughed wondering how much of a slut that made her for meeting Walker and his family at church. The moment she saw him holding that little blue eyed baby of his she knew he was going to be hers one day and he had been once he had left his wife for a bit.

Walker had swore up and down that he left Diana because of her nagging and the times when they had been together and made love he had always told her he wouldn't go back to Diana. That he would stay with her but he eventually left. He left her before she had even known about his parting gift in the form of Zac but even after she had found out no one suspected except for Diana who had paid her a visit once when Zac had been three months old. Diana had warned her not to say anything and she hadn't. She kept her word to the woman that Walker had obviously always been in love with.

"My dad was from here?" Zac asked knowing his mom refused to talk about his dad much. "I mean I just figured he was kind of a drifter and was visiting."

Jolene who had came out of her thoughts just stood from the porch, "He was a drifter," she lied. "All I can tell you though son is to guard your heart. Don't let this Avery woman in too deep," she told him before walking inside.  
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Taylor just smirked to himself as he snapped the last shot of Avery who was now completely naked. "I think that's the last one," he said as he left the camera up and walked over to where she had been sitting. Her legs were spread and during the pictures he had gotten her to take her hair down. "I mean unless you want me to take more," he said as he bent down between her legs, his hands resting on both of her thighs.

"No that's all," Avery told him as she looked down at him between her legs. He too was as undressed as she was. That was her one stipulation of letting him take the pictures. That he had to undress as well. "I mean I wouldn't want the issue you have with your cock getting any worse," she winked letting him know she had seen his erection. "I kind of wanted to take care of it for you."

Groaning at her words Taylor looked up at her before leaning up to kiss her on the lips. "Just how do you plan on taking care of it?" he asked in between kisses.

Pulling away from the kisses Avery moved from the chair, straddling his waist as she did so, "Like this," she whispered before sliding down on his cock. A whimper coming out as that action caused him to fall back onto the floor in a seated position and she fell with him, feeling his cock deeper inside of her.

Taylor couldn't help but moan as he felt his cock go deeper inside of her once he was all the way on the floor in a seated position. "I think I like this way of taking care of my problem," he told her before kissing her again.

Kissing him back Avery bit down on his lip as she started to move on him. She knew in this position she was the one with complete control and that was why this time she chose to go slow in her movements as she rode his cock. She liked going slow sometimes mainly because it made it feel different then just some fuck for them both to get off. Going slow felt more like they were actually making love to one another.

Digging his nails into Avery's skin as she went slow on his already aching cock Taylor kissed her harder on the lips as he let himself move with her some every now and then. He was fine with letting her set the pace. He had always liked her in control during sex anyway. It was different than his past sexual experiences where he always had to be the one in control. Sometimes he just liked to submit to his woman.

"Fuck," Avery whimpered out as she pulled away from the kiss and her head fell back as her orgasm set in. "Fuck Taylor," she muttered feeling her walls closing in around his cock. It was during her own orgasm that she felt his cock twitch inside of her before feeling him come and she smirked as she rested her head against his shoulder afterwards. She always liked when they could orgasm at the same time though usually it was rare when it did happen.

After catching her breath Avery moved her head up slightly kissing Taylor's neck, "Do we have to move?" she asked before laughing. "I don't think I have the energy."

"Unless you want to sleep on this cold floor then yeah we should move," Taylor smirked as he kissed her again briefly as he turned his head to face her. "But my dick has no problem with you staying on it all night."

"Pervert," Avery teased before finally moving off him and looking around for her clothes as she stood up. Once she had them she got dressed watching as Taylor did the same. "I should get going," she said as she fixed her hair again this time just putting it up in a messy bun.

Taylor nodded hearing her, "Back to your parents?" he asked as he adjusted his jeans. He had hoped that maybe she'd come back home now, especially after the sex they had just had.

"Yeah," Avery answered as she gave him a smile though she could see the disappointment on his face. "Tonight was good for us Tay but I don't think it means our problems are solved," she reasoned as she shook her head. Going to him she kissed his cheek before walking to the door which she unlocked before stepping outside and walking to her car.

Getting in she reached for her phone checking to make sure she had no messages from her parents or sisters. Not seeing anyway she was about to turn her phone off as she saw the date and time. "Shit," she whispered to herself knowing she hadn't taken her birth control for today and Taylor had just..."Fuck," she cursed again as she started her car. She was pretty certain she was ovulating right now and she knew this meant one more trip before going home even if she was tired. She had to get to the Plan-B pill. There was no way she was going to have another oops baby.

After Avery left Taylor walked over to the camera and took it down. He was going to send these pictures to himself before going home. It may have been a delaying tactic to keep him from going home to an empty house but he didn't care. He hated going home to an empty house.  
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An hour later Avery looked at herself in the mirror as she stood in the bathroom at her parents house. She had finally gotten home and showered before putting her pajamas on. Now though she was standing her and look down at the pill in her hand as a glass of water sat on the sink.

As she looked at the pill she couldn't help but think of Jonah saying he wanted a baby sister and also Taylor saying he wouldn't mind another child. This pill could possibly stop that and a part of her felt guilty but she didn't want another baby yet. She wasn't ready for a third child though she couldn't help but wonder what if she did have one more baby now. Taylor holding that baby. Her round belly as she was pregnant with that baby. The endless nights of no sleep because of the crying.

Shaking her head she put the pill in her mouth and reached for the water soon washing the pill down her throat. After she had swallowed it she took a few more drinks of the water before breaking down in tears and moving to the floor where she sat as she cried.

She hated that again she felt bad for something but she knew this she had control over. She was tired of fate fucking with her life and at least she had control on whether she got pregnant again or not. She also had control over things with Zac. She could choose to go out with him and she was going to do that still too. A part of her just wanted control on her life. Something she felt like she had lost when she got pregnant with Jonah. She just wanted to be like every other woman her age instead of the wife and mother that she had been since she was eighteen.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "And you ran to my house?" Zac asked.

Can't Win For Losing Chapter Nine

Avery sat on her parents back porch that weekend and smiled as she watched both boys play in the kiddie pool her mom had went out and bought yesterday which had flown by uneventful mainly because she hadn't had an art class nor had she went to go see Taylor.

Hearing someone sit down in the chair beside her she turned her head to see her dad. She hadn't seen much of him since coming to stay with them.

"Are you planning on moving back in?" Keith asked his daughter harshly his eyes coming to land on her. "Because the last time I checked you had a husband that loved you and a home of your own."

Being taken aback by her father's harshness Avery's smile fell and she chewed her lip, "I'm just staying here until Taylor and I work things out," she told him as she looked away from him and back out at her boys. "I don't have any intentions of moving back in."

"You and Taylor have nothing to work out," Keith said once Avery looked away from him. "I went to see him yesterday. Apparently this whole thing was just a misunderstanding on your part Avery. You need to go back home. That's where your place is now."

"My place?" Avery asked trying to keep her emotions in check.

Keith nodded his head at her question, "Your place is being a good wife and mother. Submitting to your husband and letting him lead your family. Being the wife God would want you to be not letting Satan get in and ruin your marriage by leaving because of some silly misunderstanding."

"No," Avery corrected him. "You mean my place is being his servant. Letting him get what he wants while I do like mom and just sit around and raise the children and fix the dinners and be a doormat."

"If you see it that way then yes," Keith said as he knew he should just be honest with his daughter on how he felt. "You knew what you were stepping into when you married him. You give up your life so your husband can lead his family," he told her as he shook his head. "I am only going to allow you to stay here another week Avery Laurel, after that you are either going to go home or find your own place because I am not going to let you stay here and let Satan destroy your marriage."

Hearing her dad Avery laughed bitterly before standing from the chair, "Of course you won't," she spat before heading inside. Seeing her mom who just gave her a frown it was then that she knew her mother was aware of what her dad was going to tell her and of course her mother was okay with it. Her mother never stood up to her father.

Shaking her head at her mom she walked out of the kitchen and went to the table by the door where her car keys were. Grabbing them she went outside and got in her car. She needed to go for a drive and clear her mind. She needed to get away from her asshole father and forget what he had said.  
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Zac who had been up in his bedroom painting groaned to himself as he heard a knock on the door downstairs. He would have hollered at his mom to get it but he knew she was at the hospital where she worked the day shift. Putting the paint brush down he left the room and wiped his hands on the pair of jeans he had. He didn't care that paint was now on them. They were an old pair that he never wore out anymore so he could get them as dirty as he wanted.

Opening the door when he made it downstairs he raised an eyebrow at the sight of Avery on his doorstep, "Avery?" he asked feeling confused at how she had even found out where he lived.

Avery pushed her way inside after Zac had said her name, "I may or may not have had my sister text me every Coleman in the phone book," she said knowing that he was probably wondering how she had found him and this probably made her seem like even more of a creeper than her randomly showing up on his doorstep had done.

Laughing at her words Zac shut the door behind her, "And my mom's the last one under Coleman," he said knowing that meant she had probably went to every other Coleman's house.

"She is," Avery nodded as she too laughed. "You wouldn't believe the weird stares I got from everyone else. I was so glad when I knocked on this door and you answered. I probably would have been scared if your mom had answered."

"I'm sure I could believe them," Zac said as he smiled and just shook his head. "What are you doing here though? I mean I may be wrong but our date isn't until tomorrow."

When Zac asked her what she was doing her Avery shrugged, "I needed to get away from my parents house," she admitted. "It's where I have been staying since I left my husband. My father said some things and it ticked me off and I just needed to get away."

"And you ran to my house?" Zac asked. "Well my mom's house I mean," he corrected himself knowing he didn't really consider this his place. He was only staying here until he got his own place.

"It's not like I could go to my husband and my one sister that I could go too is probably too busy doing something with her husband's family," Avery answered as she felt herself blush. "I didn't think you'd complain about seeing me since you seem to like me."

Zac smiled again as he looked at Avery, "I never said I was complaining," he told her as he turned to head back upstairs to his room where he had left his painting unfinished. "I just was wondering what lead you here is all."

Following behind him Avery couldn't help but grin at the fact that he wasn't complaining about her being there. "You don't think I am creepy either do you? I mean for literally stalking to find where you live?"

"Oh no, I definitely think you are creepy," Zac teased her as he walked into his room and picked up the paintbrush he had laid on top of his painting. Sitting down in the floor he dipped the paintbrush into the little container of blue paint and went back to what he had been doing before Avery had gotten here.

Avery came to a stop in what was obviously Zac's room and she watched him as he sat back down on the floor and began to paint, her cheeks heating up when she realized what he was painting. "Is..is that?" she asked almost not able to find her voice to even ask that question. The unspoken one on the tip of her tongue.

"Is that an orgy?" Zac asked finishing her question for her as he looked up at her and from the painting he was doing. "It is a group of people involved in an orgy," he confirmed as he nodded his head before going back to his painting.

When Zac confirmed her question Avery blushed more as she stood there in silence watching as he finished up his painting. The details were so realistic and just the thought of him painting something so erotic made her blush even more again. She was surprised mainly because minus his hitting on her while knowing she was married he seemed so innocent. Not the type to draw something like that.

"Does my dirty painting bother you?" Zac asked once the painting was done and he stood up. Closing up the bottles of paint he put them away along with his paintbrush. "If so I would apologize but why apologize for how I am right," he smirked seeing the blush on her cheeks.

"It doesn't bother me," Avery said watching as he smirked. "I just wasn't expecting such a painting from you. You seem so innocent. I mean besides having a slight crush on a married woman and making it known."

At her words Zac smirked even more as he stepped closer to her, "There is a lot of things about me that aren't so innocent," he told her once he was directly in front of her.

"L..like what?" Avery asked stuttering at how close he was. She wasn't sure why being this close to him made her so nervous.

"I don't know if you are ready to know that stuff yet," Zac whispered as he inched his face closer to hers. "Preacher's daughter and all. I might corrupt you and god knows I'll go to hell for it."

Avery again felt nervous as his face inched closer to hers, "You know my dad's preacher?" she asked as she raised an eyebrow curiously.

Zac nodded as he locked eyes with her, "Apparently my mom went to his church for a bit. That's how she met my dad. He was some drifter and I guess he came to your dad's church and it was insta attraction for both of them," he laughed as he kept his eye contact with her.

"Oh," Avery squeaked out as she stepped away from him some. "Yeah wouldn't want to corrupt me," she teased as she shook her head breaking their eye contact.

"Nope." Zac said as he shook his head too. "So what did your dad say to make you want to get away?" he asked as he moved away from her and exited the room.

Avery looked down at the floor as she found herself following Zac again, "He said I need to go back home or find my own place," she told him feeling angry at her fathers words. "Said I knew what my place was when I married my husband. He meant I should be a good wife and be a doormat. Fix his dinners and let him have his life while I just became a step-ford wife," she sighed still pissed at that. "Then said he wasn't going to let Satan destroy my marriage because of a misunderstanding between my husband and I."

Zac reached the bottom stairs and turned to look at Avery, "He really said that?" he asked astounded that her dad would be that religious. It was almost insane.

"Yeah pretty much," Avery nodded as she looked back at him. "He's the reason I married my husband in the first place. I got pregnant before marriage. God forbid that worked out too well with him. So I got married on my eighteenth birthday while being eight months pregnant," she said as she shrugged. "My father rules with an iron fist."

Hearing her speak Zac turned and finished walking down the last remaining stairs, "He seems like it," he admitted before cringing inside because he wasn't sure if he should agree or not. "But you married really young. I couldn't imagine getting married at eighteen."

"I don't think I ever saw myself marrying that young or even starting a family that young but then I had Jonah and things changed," Avery smiled as she thought of her oldest son. "I had dreams to go to college. Study art actually but then I got pregnant and things changed. Instead I became a wife and mother and I lost anything I wanted to do," she shrugged as she made it to the bottom of the stairs as well and stopped beside Zac. "I think sometimes I wish I could do the things I want or just be like every adult woman my age and have experiences but I can't do that because I have family."

"And that's bullshit," Zac spoke as he looked at her. "Just because you have kids and a husband doesn't mean you can't have experiences," he told her as he gave her a smile. "I think I want to show you that if you'll let me," he whispered before moving in to kiss her softly on the lips. Every boundary now had been broken and he was kissing a married woman..a married woman who was separated from her husband.

When Zac kissed her Avery froze briefly before finding herself kissing him back. The kiss was different than any she had shared with Taylor recently. It was new and raw and passionate. It was things she had missed and things she had craved and she allowed it to continue for awhile longer before eventually pulling away to catch her breath.

"I think I want you to show me that," she finally spoke as she gave him a smile. "I want experiences."

Nodding at her words Zac leaned into her again, "Then I think I'll take you out tonight instead of waiting until tomorrow," he whispered before kissing her again.

Kissing Zac back again, Avery just let her hands go around his neck as she moved into him. She was sure where ever he took her she'd like it. She'd get to do something fun. She'd get to just be free, something she hadn't been in so long.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "You know Avery once considered having an abortion with Jonah," Taylor spoke up as he came out of his thoughts.

Can't Win For Losing Chapter Ten

Taylor hummed to himself as he sat at the hospital in the waiting room. Nikki's water had broken this morning and Isaac of course had called him first thing when they got to the hospital. Isaac had needed the support and now almost ten hours into labor Isaac was doing well and able to handle everything though he had threatened Taylor on leaving. He had said if Taylor left he'd cut his balls off and make sure he and Avery had no more children thus making Charlie the baby.

Usually Taylor would call his brother's bluff but today Isaac just sounded so serious and so Taylor now sat in the waiting room bored out of his mind. He had texted Avery numerous times and he had even called her once but she hadn't answered. The text had went unreplied too and the call had went straight to voice-mail.

It was after that, that Taylor resorted to final measures and thirty minutes ago he had called Natalie asking her to come and keep him company. He hadn't seen her since their talk on the porch where she had basically admitted to still liking him and he had kind of distanced himself in fear that she'd try something but now he was just desperate for some human contact since Isaac was busy with Nikki and his parents refused to show up until there was a baby here to actually see.

"Taylor," Natalie spoke as she entered the waiting room of the hospital and walked over to him. "Sorry it took me so long. You kind of called me in the middle of cleaning," she said as she shook her head.

"Are you still anal about finishing the cleaning before leaving the house?" Taylor asked her as he looked up at her and smiled. He was teasing her and he figured she'd know it. He was also glad to see someone else and have someone to talk too and keep him company even if he had preferred his wife being here but it seemed like she was ignoring him which made him scared that she was slowly slipping away.

Laughing at Taylor's words Natalie fake glared but nodded to confirm his question, "Still am," she said knowing that when they had been dating she'd usually refuse to leave the house if she had started cleaning her room when she lived at home with her mom and then once she got her own place she'd refuse to leave the house until it was clean. "I find it funny you remember that."

"How could I forget?" Taylor asked as he raised an eyebrow. "Do you know how many of the times I wanted you to come over just because I was horny and you wouldn't until you finished cleaning," he laughed before blushing. "My hand and I became good friends then."

Natalie rolled her eyes at that before feeling her cheeks warm some, "But I did eventually come over," she said as if to defend herself. "After you and your hand had became friends."

Taylor nodded, "That is true," he smiled as he looked at her. "And I was still able to get it up again for a round of what I actually wanted."

"You always did like sex," Natalie muttered as she blushed more at her own words and the memories that came with them. How it had felt to make love to him and just be in his arms. It was a shame she had ever let that go. "I bet you still do which makes your wife one lucky woman."

At Natalie's words Taylor felt himself blush, "Our sex life has seen better days," he said knowing they had, had more sex before having two children and before he got his own studio. They had, had more sex when it was just Jonah because somehow it was easier and he was around more.

"Guess that happens when you get married and have kids. Things just change," Natalie nodded as she looked down. A part of her wondered what it'd be like to be married with children. She had thought she would have that chance. Hell she had thought she'd have that chance with Taylor but then Avery had came in and ruined every darn plan she had made for herself if her dreams of acting had failed.

Frowning at Natalie mentioning things changing Taylor thought of their marriage lately and the fact that it had changed. It had changed and somehow in that change it seemed they had lost what they once had been and he had to believe they had been something. Yeah they may have married because of Jonah but in some ways he knew he probably would have married her eventually anyway. She was the person who made him complete and their life together was what he lived for some days. It had been what had gotten him through his years of his failed dreams until he finally made it.

Maybe he had neglected her after he had made it though and for that he was sorry. He was also sorry that because of him she hadn't got to experience her what-if's she had mentioned in her rant to him. He could remember still during the time before she had gotten pregnant that she had dreams of going off and going to school. She had wanted to be a painter and live in some fancy apartment in France. But then he had gotten her pregnant and those dreams had been squashed though Taylor had to admit he was kind of happy they had been because he wouldn't have the life he lead now if she hadn't gotten pregnant. If her father hadn't insisted they get married before Jonah was born. If she hadn't decided to keep Jonah in the first place.

"You know Avery once considered having an abortion with Jonah," Taylor spoke up as he came out of his thoughts. "She found out she was pregnant and she never told me at first. I had to find out through a pamphlet about abortion accidentally falling out of her purse. She confessed everything then and said she had even went to a clinic but then she chickened out and left."

When Taylor confessed what he did randomly Natalie just went silent knowing he probably just needed to talk. She knew Avery was still gone as she still hadn't seen her car in the driveway nor was Avery here in the hospital as her sister-in-law gave birth. "Do you wish she had went through with it?" she asked him as she raised an eyebrow.

Taylor shook his head no at Natalie's question, "No but I don't think I would have faulted her if she had. She was only a child compared to me being in my mid-twenties," he said before scrunching up his face. "She had to give up everything by keeping Jonah and I think over time I have somehow forgotten that. I took for granted that she'd be happy while I did my own thing."

"And you think her unhappiness is why she hasn't came back yet?" Natalie asked keeping her eyebrow raised. "Excuse me if I am overstepping myself but I think your wife is just being selfish," she admitted honestly as she locked eyes with him. "There are a number of women who would kill for a happy family. A husband who is loyal and two beautiful babies on top of that," she said knowing she had seen pictures of Jonah and Charlie on Taylor's desk at his studio. "She's being selfish and it isn't fair to you or those boys."

"Partly maybe," Taylor confessed as he listened to Natalie call Avery selfish. "She isn't selfish," he defended as he looked away from Natalie's stare. "I think she's just reacting the way anyone in her situation would react."

Natalie just shrugged as she heard Taylor defend Avery. "And what if she decides to date someone else during her not being selfish moment Taylor?" she asked her tone coming out almost stern. "I mean it's happened. People during times like these end up turning to someone else."

Going silent at Natalie's question Taylor couldn't help but feel sick at the thought of his wife with someone else. Of his wife turning to another man for all the things he could give her still. "I think I'd be hurt that she didn't respect our marriage but Ave...she respects our marriage and she respects me enough not to do that."

"If she respected you and your marriage she'd be home already Tay," Natalie told him as she frowned slightly wishing he could see that his wife seemed not to care. "She'd be here right now instead of me. She'd be doing things to make stuff better not just creating more space between you."  
__________________________________________________________________________

Avery chewed on her lip as she pulled into a parking space at the hospital. She hated to admit the fact that she had just gotten Taylor's texts and voice-mails now..hours after he had sent both but when she had arrived at Zac's she had cut her cellphone off and left it in the car. She had only cut it on after leaving his house to go get ready for their night out. That of course had been after they had made out for most of the day only to be interrupted when his mother had returned home.

Avery had left his house red-faced and nervous that his mother would think horribly of her since his mother knew she was a preacher's kid but maybe his mother didn't know she was married. Maybe she had no idea. Though even if she did she was sure that his mother knowing she was married couldn't make her feel more guilty than she already felt now as she sat in her parked car.

She almost wasn't sure she could go in and face Taylor. How could she look at her husband after knowing another man had kissed her. That another man's hands had went places that only Taylor's had ever been. That she had allowed Zac to get her off through her panties.

"I can do this," Avery told herself as she opened the door of her car. "I can face Taylor and not feel too guilty," she nodded as she unbuckled and then stepped out. Shutting the door she pocketed her keys and took a deep breath before heading inside of the hospital.

Making her way towards the maternity floor she eventually came to a stop when she reached the waiting room there and saw Taylor sitting in a chair next to Natalie. They were both reading a magazine and she knew it was wrong but the sight of Natalie by her husband made her mad and jealous and she knew that had mad her a hypocrite given the fact that she had just gotten semi-fingered by masturbated by another man not too long ago.

Clearing her throat Avery watched as Taylor looked up from his magazine and she smiled as he laid it down and walked towards her. "Sorry I'm late," she apologized when he reached her. "I didn't have my phone on today," she lied feeling more guilty for her lie on top of the transgressions she had committed.

"I didn't think you'd come at all," Taylor said honestly as he pulled Avery into a hug squeezing her some as he did so. He was happy she was here at least even if a part of him didn't believe her words on not having her phone on. She usually always had her phone on except at night when they were in bed or if they had wanted privacy to do other things. There had been numerous times during the early days of their marriage that she'd cut off the phone just so they could have sex and not be interrupted by calls or texts from her sisters. Though even then it was a chance on not getting interrupted as Jonah had still been a baby and sometimes his crying would ruin any chance of their sex plans happening.

"Well I did," Avery smiled as Taylor hugged her. It was during their hug that she looked over at Natalie to see the woman glaring at her. Doing her best not to glare back she pulled away from the hug and looked at Taylor. "How long has Nikki been in labor?" she asked him as she raised an eyebrow. She knew Nikki was a week away from her due date but Avery also knew from experiences that babies came when they wanted to come.

Pulling away from the hug Taylor shrugged, "Since sometime this morning," he nodded as he looked her over, his eyes landing to a spot on her neck which made him cringe slightly. "C..can we go somewhere else for a minute?" he asked as he turned to look at Natalie before looking back at her.

Avery nodded but felt confused. After she had nodded she felt Taylor grab a hold of her neck and lead her off. It was when he had taken her into the bathroom off the waiting room that she raised an eyebrow watching as he looked the door. "What's the matter?" she asked not sure why he wanted to take her somewhere else.

"What's the matter?" Taylor asked his voice coming out harsh. "What's the matter is the fact that you have a hickey on your neck. A hickey that I know I didn't leave on you Thursday night."

Swallowing hard Avery turned to look in the mirror, her eyes widening in horror as she saw the mark on her neck. She knew she had lost herself in the things Zac was doing to her but she had thought she had been aware enough to know if he was leaving a hickey but in the end she guessed she wasn't.

Looking down after Avery looked in the mirror Taylor knew from the look on her face that she had been caught in a situation she hadn't wanted to be caught in. The shock in her eyes was apparent to him. "So," he spoke up as he finally gathered the strength to look back up at her. "Who left you that hickey? Whose the man you cheated on me with?"


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "You weren't thinking of me at all during that were you?" he finally spoke his voice again raising some. He was angry and he couldn't help but show it.

Can't Win For Losing Chapter Eleven

"W..who said anyone left me this?" Avery asked as she stuttered over her words slightly. "I mean it's a bruise and you know how much of a klutz I am."

Glaring at Avery as she spoke Taylor shook his head, "Don't lie to me," he said as he raised his voice some and walked closer to her. "You're a klutz sometimes yes but a damn mark on your neck," he spat out as he shook his head again. "I'm not stupid and I know a hickey when I see one."

Avery took a deep breath as she looked away from Taylor, "My art teacher he kind of likes me," she began as she felt herself unable to meet her husband's gaze. "He likes me and I like that he likes me," she said nodding. "I like it so much that I let him kiss me after I went to his house today. I let him kiss me and do other things and I guess I got so lost in the moment that I didn't know he had left a mark on me," she frowned as she finally forced herself to look at Taylor. "I was even going to go out with him tonight if I hadn't got your texts and voice-mails after leaving his house. I had to call him and cancel the plans."

At her confession Taylor almost felt like he had been punched in the gut or slapped in the face. He had just told Natalie she wouldn't have done this and now, now he had found out she had or had started too. "Other things?" he asked finally able to find his voice. "You mean like sex?" he asked scared that she had, had sex with a man who wasn't him though kissing and letting him give her a hickey was just as bad in his book.

"No," Avery shook her head though she couldn't help but wonder if Zac's mom hadn't shown up if it would have went there. Because he may have gotten her off through her panties she had still been turned on and she had still wanted to keep messing around with him. "He sort of rubbed me through my underwear," she confessed as she felt her cheeks get hot. She was scared of Taylor's reaction now. Scared of what was going to happen to her marriage.

Swallowing hard Taylor had to bite his lip to keep his anger in check because right now he really wanted to go off on Avery. He wanted to yell at her, he wanted to throw things, he wanted to shake her and ask her if she had been thinking of him at all before allowing this man her damn teacher to do these things to her but in the end because of her actions he figured he had her answer. She hadn't been thinking of him because if she had it wouldn't have even happened in the first place.

"You weren't thinking of me at all during that were you?" he finally spoke his voice again raising some. He was angry and he couldn't help but show it.

Avery again shook her head as she frowned some. She had never heard Taylor this angry and it scared her. "I wasn't thinking of you," she spoke her voice coming out soft in contrast with his harsh and angry tone. "I know I should have been but things were different with him and I just wanted that different experience. I just wanted him in that moment."

Taylor couldn't help but glare as he backed away from Avery before he did something he regretted, "You wanted him?" he asked feeling his voice crack. He knew even with his anger that he was on the verge of tears. "Do you still want him?"

"I still want the experiences he can give me," Avery confessed as she looked away from Taylor. "I'm just..I want to experience stuff I never got too and he said he could help me with that and I want him too," she said as she shrugged not sure what her words would mean for her marriage. She wasn't sure she wanted it to end but she wasn't sure she was ready to give Zac up. She liked what he made her feel. She liked that he offered to give her stuff that Taylor couldn't.

"So you are willing to throw away our marriage for some experiences?" Taylor asked as his voice cracked again and he felt tears going down his cheeks. "You are willing to throw five years down the fucking drain?"

Sighing Avery finally looked at Taylor again, "I never said I wanted to throw our marriage down the drain but I don't want to give up what Zac offered me," she said as she shook her head. "I've been a wife and a mom since I was eighteen. I never got a chance to just be young and free and I want that."

"Then you're throwing our marriage down the drain," Taylor told her not able to understand how she could do that. "If you don't want to give up what he can offer you then that means you're willing to screw up every vow we made to each other," he said as he shook his head, "and I refuse to stand by and be cheated on and taken for some fool."

Avery nodded as she tried to reach out to comfort him but she watched as he moved away from her grasp, "I'm sorry," she finally spoke as she chewed her lip.

Taylor wiped his eyes before answering her, "So am I," he started as he looked down. "I'm sorry for believing you when you said I wasn't losing you and that you still loved me. I'm sorry for being a fucking idiot these last few days. You never had any intention of coming back home. I think you wanted to stay gone. This gave you that opprotunity for your what ifs and now you get to fucking live some of them," he spat as he kept his gaze away from her. "Well you go off and live your what ifs but I'll be damned if the kids have to see you mess shit up. When I file for divorce Monday I plan on also filing for sole custody."

"Divorce?" Avery asked feeling like her world was falling apart. This wasn't what she wanted but then again in this exact moment she wasn't sure of what she wanted. "You are really going to file for divorce?"

"Why the hell not?" Taylor asked as he locked eyes with her. "It's apparent you don't want to fix things. You just want to make them worse by experiencing things with this teacher of yours named Zac."

Avery just shook her head knowing she had no right to cry right now but that's what she wanted to do. "Then I guess file for divorce," she told him before pushing past him and heading out of the bathroom after she unlocked the door. Making her way out of the waiting room she walked quickly soon going back outside to her car.

Getting in she slammed the door shut and leaned her head against the wheel as she broke down in tears finally. Her marriage was ending and it was her fault. She had hurt Taylor and that wasn't what she had meant to do but then again she should have known letting herself get this far in with Zac as fast as she had would cause problems. Avery had just never expected them to occur so soon.

After sitting in her car crying for awhile Avery finally lifted her head and wiped her eyes. Getting her keys out of her pocket she put them in the ignition and started the car, driving back to her parents house. At least now she could tell her dad there would be no going home. That her marriage was over and come Monday her husband would be filing for divorce.  
__________________________________________________________________________

The rest of the night had passed by for Avery in a blur. She had came back from the hospital and told her dad what had happened and of course like she had expected he had, had a fit but she let him because for once she felt like she semi deserved him lashing out.

Though he had relented on her staying now that Taylor was going to file for divorce. She could stay until she found a job and a place for herself to live. After that she was to be gone and she was to not set foot in the house if she continued seeing the man who had ruined her marriage. According to her father he remembered Zac's mother and she had been a no good whore who shouldn't have even been sitting in his pews.

Her father's words made Avery sick but she didn't argue with them. Instead she just slipped upstairs where she eventually got her and her kids both ready for bed and now here it was Sunday and she had just left church with both boys.

"I can't believe you want me to take them to your house," Zoe said as she walked to the car she drove. It had been one she had gotten only two months ago and she liked having it until it came time for her to do errands for other people or play go between with Avery and Taylor.

"Yeah well I figured it's best if you go and drop them off," Avery said as she held both of her son's hands and walked towards Zoe's car. "I mean if I drop them off there will probably be an argument between Taylor and I and I really don't want the boys to see us argue. They are already going to wonder soon enough why mommy and daddy are no longer together and then they are gonna wonder why they keep having to go between us every weekend or every other weekend."

Zoe rolled her eyes but opened the back door to her car, "Go get there booster seats from your car," she relented as she looked at her sister. "I guess I will do this for you but only because I don't want them seeing their parents argue."

Smiling Avery dropped her sons hands and left them both with Zoe as she walked a few parking spaces over to her car. Getting the first booster seat she took it to Zoe for her sister to put in before going back and getting the second. Coming back with it she went around to the other side of the car and started to put it in.

After she was done she went to grab Charlie and put him in, buckling him up. As she did so she smiled at him as he gave her a smile. "Are you going to be a good boy for daddy?" she asked him once she had finished buckling him in.

"Yes," Charlie answered as he continued to smile. "But why you not go too?"

"Because I have other things to do Charlie buddy," Avery said as she nodded. "You'll see me again in a few days but right now you get to go see daddy and then you'll also get to see Grandma and Grandpa Hanson a lot this week too."

Jonah made a face hearing he'd see his other grandparents, "But Nana Didi isn't as fun as Grama Reed."

"I know baby," Avery laughed as she looked over at her oldest son. "But your daddy thinks it would be neat if you guys stayed with her while he worked. You don't want to hurt daddy's feelings do you?" she asked him as she turned her face into a serious one?

Sighing Jonah made a face before shaking his head no.

"Then don't complain about seeing your Grandma Hanson," Avery told him as she gave him a smile before moving out of the car. "Both of you boys be good for your daddy," she said before shutting the door.

Zoe shut the door on Jonah's side as well and looked at her sister from across the car, "Funny you asked him about hurting his daddy's feelings," she said as she rolled her eyes.

Blushing at her sister's words Avery sighed, "Are you going to give me a piece of your mind too like dad did last night?"

"No," Zoe said as she shook her head. "But I will say I never expected you to almost cheat on Taylor and then to decide to continue whatever the hell it is Zac wants to make you experience."

"I know," Avery nodded as she walked away from her sister's car. "I never expected it either but it's happening and I don't want to stop things. I'm not sure how things will end up or even what's in store for Zac and I. I just know that right now I like how he makes me feel and I like the idea of him helping me experience new things."

Zoe again rolled her eyes, "You like it enough that you decided to let it ruin your marriage?"

Swallowing hard Avery stopped as she reached her car, "I didn't decide to do that. Taylor decided for me and I don't see the us in fighting him when right now I'm not sure if staying with him is what I want or if not being with him is what I want. The only thing I know I want is to experience new things I haven't got too."

After saying what she did to her sister Avery got in her car and eventually started it up. When she pulled out of the church parking lot though she didn't head home. Instead she headed to Zac's. Zac had texted her this morning telling her to meet him at his house. That he wanted to spend the day with her. She had told him she couldn't that morning because of church but that she could drop by after church.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "You always eat grilled cheese without the crust?"

Can't Win For Losing Chapter Twelve

Taylor chewed his lip hard as he watched both of his boys sitting at the table. It had been an hour now since Zoe had dropped them off and he had just fixed them lunch. Grilled cheese sandwiches with the crust cut off of the sandwiches because that was how he knew the boys liked him. He could at least remember that even if he wasn't sure about other details like which toy was Jonah's favorite or if Charlie still had accidents while he slept. No that was things Avery knew and as he realized this the reality of his situation began to sink in.

Now thanks to what Avery was choosing he'd be a single parent and he'd have to learn these things about his sons and god he'd have to watch his boys by himself and there would no longer be family dinners or outings together though in a way those hadn't happened in awhile mainly because of his busy schedule.

"This isn't how mommy makes it daddy," Jonah said as he turned to look at his dad and frowned. "Mommy puts more cheese on it than this."

At Jonah's words Taylor felt like he had been slapped in the face but instead of showing it outwardly he put on a grin and walked to the table where he bent down to his son's level, "You miss mommy cooking huh?" he asked as he raised an eyebrow.

Jonah nodded his head, "I miss mommy being here too," he said as he frowned and looked into his father's eyes. "Why can't she be here?"

"Well Jonah sometimes things happen and mommy and daddies can't always live together anymore," Taylor spoke not sure how to explain things to his oldest child. "But I miss your mommy being here too," he nodded being honest. He did miss Avery being here and he knew it would kill him when he went to file for divorce tomorrow but he was sure he'd find a way to move on. He'd find a way to get over his wife even if it happened very slowly.

Feeling confused by his daddy's words Jonah kept eye contact with his dad, "So you and mommy are no longer going to live together?" he asked curiously.

"I'm afraid not buddy," Taylor answered honestly knowing it was better to tell the truth than to lie. He knew if he didn't tell the truth Jonah was just get confused eventually when he was shuttled between both him and Avery though in the end Taylor hoped it was him who get the primary custody even if it was just to stick it to Avery which he knew was childish.

Jonah frowned at his daddy's answer, "But you miss her being here."

"I do but things are a little more complicated than missing her," Taylor said knowing that just because he missed her didn't mean he was going to change his mind. Avery was clearly abandoning their marriage and he had to do what he had to do. "Now go back to eating okay."

"Fine," Jonah huffed as he turned away from his dad and picked up his grilled cheese.

Laughing Taylor turned to look at Charlie his laugh getting louder as he saw his youngest son had somehow gotten some of the cheese all over him and his shirt. "Charlie buddy I think after you eat it's going to be bath time."

"No bath," Charlie muttered as he shook his head no.

"Yes bath," Taylor laughed as he reached over and ruffled his son's hair. "Then after you get a bath I think I am going to take you boys to go see your cousin. Aunt Nikki had her baby yesterday. You guys have a cousin named Violet."  
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Sitting at the small diner where Zac had taken her for lunch Avery raised an eyebrow as she sat across from him in the booth. The diner was an hour away from their town and she half wondered how Zac had found this place. "How did you find this diner?" she asked speaking her thoughts.

"In high school," Zac answered as he put his menu down and looked over at Avery. "I used to come here a lot especially when my mom worked nights. Back then it was more often that she worked nights and since I couldn't really cook I needed some place to come and eat."

Avery couldn't help but laugh, "So you chose some fifties diner?" she asked looking around. The staff was dressed just like they had stepped back in time and the music playing was a bunch of oldies music while the walls were lined of pictures from that time and era along with some old looking fake vinyls.

Zac smirked some before shrugging his shoulders, "I like odd places okay and I sorta like the fifties. Would have been a fun time to grow up back then..except maybe some things in my life wouldn't have fit so well in the fifties."

"Like your hair?" Avery asked curiously as she raised an eyebrow. "I don't think men let their hair get long until the sixties and the hippie movement. All that free love junk."

"Yeah my hair," Zac nodded as he thought of the other stuff in his life. The side he wasn't ready to show her just yet. "And other things besides my hair. They probably would have fit better in the sixties too."

Avery kept her eyebrow raised at his words, "What other things?"

"I'd rather not tell you just yet. Like I said wouldn't want to corrupt the preachers daughter," Zac said as he smirked again and watched as the waitress came to their table. Ordering his food first he then watched as Avery ordered hers and he had to keep from laughing. "You always eat grilled cheese without the crust?"

Blushing at Zac's question Avery shook her head, "I didn't used to until I had kids then I guess I started eating how they ate."

"That's cute I guess," Zac said as he nodded. "So tell me about your kids. I mean all I really know is you were young when you had your first child."

"My oldest is Jonah. He'll be starting school this fall which is hard to believe," Avery smiled sadly as she thought about it. It was hard to believe her oldest son was old enough to start school and it was a reminder as well just how much of her own freedom she had lost. She had lost five years..six this December. "He loves superheros and he usually can't go to sleep unless he has a stuffed Spiderman that my...that Taylor bought him for his last birthday," she said as she caught herself before calling Taylor her husband. She figured she may as well get used to the change since soon he wouldn't be her husband.

Zac couldn't help but laugh at the last thing Avery said. He was glad that his question about her children got them off the topics of his past because he wasn't sure he was ready to tell or show her every dirty skeleton in his closest. At least not yet. He wanted to warm her up to those ideas and then, then he'd show her.

"And what about your youngest child?" Zac asked as he raised an eyebrow coming out of his thoughts. "Does he too have a stuffed Spiderman that he can't sleep without?"

At his question's regarding Charlie, Avery answered them again and it was during that, that the waitress brought their food to them and the topic over their lunch stayed on her kids. Something that did seem to interest Zac which Avery found odd. Could he really be interested in her children? Would he really be okay with being tied to someone who came with two kids as part of the deal?

She wasn't so sure he would be but in the end she guessed time would tell. She guessed she'd be proven right or wrong and a part of her hoped it was wrong because then she was ruining her marriage for nothing.

"I am so stuffed," Avery sighed changing the subject from her kids finally after she finished eating. "I mean who knew their grilled cheese sandwiches were so big and god don't even get me started on their fries."

Zac shook his head at Avery's words, "So no room for dessert then?" he asked raising an eyebrow. "They have a really awesome ice cream sundae here and we could split it."

Making a face Avery thought over his words before finally nodding her head, "I think I have room for dessert," she told him as she looked up just in time to see their waitress come to check on them. When she did she listened as Zac ordered the sundae for them and she stayed silent as the waitress walked away again. She knew it was wrong but she couldn't help but feel like things were too good to be true. She was waiting for the bottom to drop out.

When the ice cream arrived Avery watched as Zac beckoned her to come sit beside him instead of across from him and she did as he wanted. The moment she had sat down she couldn't help but laugh as he held the spoon to her mouth and she opened her mouth allowing the spoon entrance and letting out a tiny moan as the chocolate syrup from the sundae invaded her mouth as she took a bite.

"Best chocolate syrup I have ever tasted," Zac said as he heard Avery moan. "That's one reason I wanted you to try it."

"And the other?" Avery asked after she swallowed her bite and grabbed the spoon from him. Getting some ice cream on the spoon she held it up to his mouth and smiled when he took a bite.

At her question Zac just smirked, "So I can do this," he said as his hand went under the table and soon connected with her thigh. Slowly and deliberately he creeped his hand up and under the dress she had on until he came into contact with her underwear. "I just wanted an excuse to get you beside me," he said honestly as he picked up the spoon with his free hand and got more ice cream on it.

Swallowing hard at Zac's actions Avery just sat there and watched as he got the ice cream on the spoon. The moment he held it to her mouth she opened her mouth and took a bite another moan coming out as she did so, though this time it wasn't because of the syrup. It was because he had started to rub her through her underwear much like he had done the day before. The fucking bastard was going to get her off in public and she kind of almost liked the thrill of it.  
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Arriving back home after taking his boys to the hospital to see Nikki and Isaac's baby, Taylor got them both out and watched as they ran to their toys outside. It was still afternoon so he'd let them play outside for a bit before taking them in and getting dinner ready.

Looking over as he saw someone coming towards them he gave a sad smile to Natalie when she came to a stop beside him. He had told her all about what had went down with Avery. He felt he had no choice mainly because she was curious as to why Avery had left the hospital like she had.

"Don't look so sad," Natalie smiled at Taylor as she crossed her arms.

"I can't help it," Taylor sighed as he looked away from Natalie. "Just today with the boys is making me realize that this is going to be my life soon. I'm going to be a single father with two boys and I'm not sure how much I like that idea."

Natalie just shook her head as Taylor spoke, "You'll do fine and you'll adjust like you have adjusted to other stuff life threw your way," she reassured him. "But I came over to ask if you and the boys would want to join me for dinner? I mean I'd really like to get to meet your sons when they aren't busy playing with their boys and maybe getting out of the house will help you and make you stop moping."

Taylor chewed his lip hard as thought of Natalie's offer, "I think we can do that," he nodded knowing she could be right. It could help him to get out of the house. "The boys and I will have dinner with you."


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "I mean when Jonah was complaining about his mommy knowing everything I thought for sure that I had lost him and he'd never like me ever."

Can't Win For Losing Chapter Thirteen

Avery smiled to herself as she laid in the back of Zac's truck. They had left the diner hours ago and had just road around until it got dark. Then Zac had taken them to some lake not far from the edge of town. It was nice and quite out here and he said since he didn't have to teach a class until Tuesday that they could stay out as late as she had wanted so here they were just laying in the back of his truck looking at the stars.

"You always keep a blanket in your truck?" Avery asked as she turned to look over at him curiously. "Or did you just have plans on getting laid tonight in the back of your truck?"

Zac laughed as he turned to face Avery, "I always keep a blanket in the back," he winked as he inched his face closer. "In hopes that I do get laid in my truck," he teased before putting his hand on her cheek and leaning in to kiss her. What he said was partly true. He did keep a blanket in the back of his truck but not because he had hopes of getting laid. He had just found with his ex in California that sometimes when she'd kick him out of the house randomly that he'd have to sleep in his truck. Better than getting a motel and he really never had taken the blankets out not even when he came back to Kentucky.

Avery laughed as well as she kissed him back. She knew his words were teasing but the thought of having sex in the back of a truck was appealing to her especially since she and Taylor had always talked about doing it but never having done it. Kissing him harder at thoughts of Taylor she moved closer. This wasn't the time to be thinking of her soon to be ex-husband and she felt wrong for even letting him cross her mind as she laid here kissing another man.

Pulling away from the kiss after awhile she sighed and looked back up at the stars, "Why did you come back here?" she asked curiously. "I mean I don't think I'd ever come back if I got the chance to leave."

"Because I got my heart broken," Zac sighed as he thought about his ex. "My ex found someone else and it hurt me because I was willing to give everything up for her but in the end she found someone more suitable...someone who lived like us and I guess in the end she would have been fine if I never gave everything up," he spoke without really even thinking. In this moment it just seemed like his words were coming out easy and opening up to her was something that he just felt comfortable with.

Avery listened to Zac and she scrunched up her nose, "Lived like you?" she asked confused by his word choice. "What did you guys have some kind of weird lifestyle or something?" she asked though her words were light and meant to be taken as a joke.

At Avery's question Zac swallowed realizing he had probably said too much, "No..at least it wasn't weird to me," he said knowing that when Brenda had gotten him hooked on their kind of life he had fallen into it easy and fast and he had liked it but then Brenda had talked about settling down and getting married and he had reconsidered. He had reconsidered for her but then she dumped him for someone who was in their lifestyle had even been their friend and she had told him he was just too young and she needed someone more mature. Someone closer to her thirty-six then what he'd had been.

"But it's different?" Avery asked again feeling curious now.

"In a way yes," Zac nodded as he sighed. "I just..I'll tell you when I'm ready," he said knowing he did plan telling her. He was just scared of how she'd react. He was scared she'd go running for the hills and he wasn't sure he wanted that because he was sure he was falling for her. He had never fell for someone so hard and so fast but god damn it he was sure he was falling for her and to hell with the fact that she was separated from her husband. He'd just have to hope she didn't break his heart like Brenda did.

Smiling when he said he'd tell her in his own time Avery looked at him again, "You promise?" she asked as she reached for his hand and took it in her own. She hoped Zac would open up to her mainly because in some ways she was opening up to him as well. Even if she still hadn't been entirely honest about the state of her marriage when this whole thing started.

Zac nodded again as he turned to look at her, "I promise babe," he smiled before leaning in to kiss her again this time squeezing her hand as he did so.

Kissing Zac back Avery squeezed his hand too before slowly climbing onto him as she deepened the kiss between them. She wasn't sure exactly what she felt for him but she knew this was dangerous letting him in this close especially as her marriage crumbled. She was scared of what the outcome would be in the end and a part of her didn't want him to get hurt and she also didn't want to get hurt either but someone was going to get hurt though maybe the person who was going to get hurt had already been hurt. Maybe the person to get hurt by all of this was Taylor.

Moaning as Avery deepened the kiss Zac felt her hips eventually roll down into his and he groaned as he felt his reaction to that grow apparent in his jeans. Something he was sure she could feel and he pulled away to look up at her, "M...maybe we should stop," he said as he looked up at her. He knew he had gotten her off twice now with his hand but he wasn't sure if they should go farther or if she was ready for that. He almost wanted to leave the pacing of things up to her.

Avery smiled as she looked down at Zac, "Oh but I wanna repay you for getting me off earlier," she winked before kissing him again her hands going to his jeans as she did so. Slipping them inside she smirked as she rubbed him through his boxers for a bit before finally slipping her hand inside and circling his entire length. It was farther than he had ever gone touching her since his touching had always been through the clothes.

Zac moaned again as Avery's hand wrapped around him and he closed his eyes tight as she began to pump him his hips lifting every so often with the rythm she was making. She was good at this and he was beginning to feel like putty in her hands so to speak. He knew the next time he got her off he'd finally have to touch her directly instead of through her panties.

"You like this?" Avery whispered as she pulled away from the kiss. All she could do was watch his face and the way it would contort a certain way when she'd pump his cock a certain way or when she'd slow down deliberately just to tease him.

All Zac was able to do at her question was nod his head. He knew if he tried to talk no words would come or all that came out would be curse words so instead he just opted to silently answer her question the only way he knew how.

When he nodded Avery just smirked and continued to move her hand faster wanting to bring him to release. Wanting to make him feel as good as he had made her feel twice now.  
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Standing in Natalie's kitchen after dinner Taylor looked over at her as they did the dishes, "You were amazing with the boys tonight," he said knowing she had done good especially when Charlie had thrown a fit because his favorite kind of juice wasn't here and then Jonah again complained that his mommy wasn't here and this time he had to throw in that she would have known to have Charlie's favorite kind of juice because she was mommy and mommy just knew everything.

"I was afraid there for a second I wouldn't be," Natalie laughed as she looked up at Taylor. "I mean when Jonah was complaining about his mommy knowing everything I thought for sure that I had lost him and he'd never like me ever."

"But you won him over by having the Aladdin movie," Taylor smiled as he turned briefly to look into the living room where both of his sons were now seated on the couch watching the old Disney movie. A movie that had been a favorite of Jonah's thanks to the countless times he had watched it at Avery's parents house.

Natalie nodded, "I may be glad Aladdin salvaged my relationship with a boy," she joked as she turned away from him and went back to washing the dishes. "So how are you today? I mean I am guessing from earlier today wasn't a good day."

Shaking his head Taylor sighed, "I'm not sure any day will be good from here on out. At least not for awhile Nat. I'm losing the person who completes me. I'm losing my other half and it hurts to know I am losing her because she refuses to give up on some feeling another man gives her."

"I'm sorry she's so blind to see what she has," Natalie said honestly again just feeling like Avery was being selfish in her decisions. "I'm sorry that she seems to be just thinking solely of herself right now."

"So am I," Taylor spoke being honest for once. "I hate that she's doing this and it kills me that I can't change her mind but I don't think anything except me begging could keep her from destroying everything and I refuse to beg. I refuse to look like more of a fool than I already am for even thinking she'd respect the vows we made to each other."

Frowning Natalie finished up the dishes and put her hand on Taylor's back after drying her hands on a dish towel. "At least you are doing the right thing then. Getting out before she hurts you more."

Taylor swallowed a lump in his throat though as Natalie spoke, "That's the thing Nat," he frowned feeling tears go down his cheek. "Even though I am divorcing her I think she'll always still have the ability to hurt me because I'm always going to be in love with her. I can leave her but I can't cut off how I feel for her."

When Natalie saw Taylor crying she couldn't help but pull him into a hug and the moment she did she felt him break down in her arms. His crying getting louder and his body moving against her. Natalie hadn't ever seen Taylor this torn up not even when they broke up and this just broke her heart so much. This broke her heart and it made her hate the woman he called a wife. The woman he claimed to still be in love with.  
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Zac stood on his front porch watching as Avery drove off and their night or well day of fun had officially ended. Smiling he turned around and headed inside but came to a stop as he was met by his mother who stood at the bottom of the staircase giving him a disapproving look.

"What?" he asked feeling his voice squeak some as his cheeks heated up. Even at twenty-eight he was sure he hated getting this look from his mom.

Jolene crossed her arms but kept her eyes on Zac, "Don't what me Zachary," she said her voice coming out stern. "You spent all day with that woman. You know she's married."

"She's separated," Zac corrected his mother as he felt himself blushing more at her gaze. "She's separated and there is nothing wrong with spending all day with her."

"There is when she could hurt you," Jolene reminded him knowing being separated meant nothing. "She could always go back to her husband and she could hurt you."

Zac shook his head at his mom's words, "She can't hurt me when I don't love her," he lied as he walked closer to her and kissed her cheek before walking upstairs. He needed to shower and then well he wanted to go to sleep and hopefully maybe he could dream of the girl who was slowly making him fall in love again.

"Anyway," he called out as he walked up the stairs. "I don't think she'll be going back to her husband," he said trying to sound confident. "I think she likes me too much," he nodded and he hoped he was right. He hoped she did like him enough to not go back to her husband even if that made him a bad person for wanting her marriage to fail. "I really think she likes me," Zac repeated.

Jolene just watched Zac walk off and she shook her head. She was afraid Zac was going to make the same mistakes she had. She was afraid that Zac was going to fall in love with this woman and just get hurt when she went back to her husband and she couldn't help but pray that Zac didn't leave this woman a parting gift in the form of a baby. She could only hope that if Zac was having sex with this woman that he was using protection or that he would when they did have sex.

If this woman got pregnant by Zac, Jolene knew her situation would be a lot different than Jolene's had been. That Hanson boy whichever one it was that was her husband could claim the baby and then her son not only would be hurt by losing this woman but he'd be hurt that he couldn't have his baby and Jolene just didn't want that. She didn't want her son getting hurt.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "And you don't want me to take back my husband if we had a heart to heart?"

Can't Win For Losing Chapter Fourteen

Avery smiled slightly as she finished unpacking the last box in her apartment. It had been three weeks now since Taylor had mentioned divorce and he indeed had filed for one. A divorce that she hadn't contest and signed the papers too because even if she did have her doubts about this maybe being wrong since she still wasn't one hundred percent on what she wanted, she didn't want to hurt Taylor anymore by cheating on him and ruining what was left of the vows they had made.

Instead she had signed the papers and turned them into her lawyer. One her father insisted on her having especially since Taylor seemed hell bent on still having physical custody of the boys though she hoped the family in transitions thing they attended the other day had helped some. Maybe he could see like the woman who had talked to her and Taylor as well as Jonah, had said. Taking the boys away from her fully would hurt them. Especially since Jonah had insisted that he didn't want to be gone from mommy for too long.

Besides the divorce stuff though she had gotten a job. The first she had, had since being married or having kids. It happened to be at that diner Zac had taken her too, a fact it seemed that Zac liked though Avery teased him that it was only because he liked seeing her in her outfit and with her hair all pulled back.

It was at the thought of Zac though that she stopped smiling as she thought about their three weeks together. They still had only ever just masturbated each other though that had stopped last week when her period came. He couldn't get her off but she still sometimes got him off last week. But in the end Avery was confused as to why he hadn't tried more with her. Why he hadn't mentioned her going down on him or even alluded to the possibility of having sex with her whenever they could. It almost made her feel that maybe he didn't find her as attractive as he said. Maybe she was just too momish for him.

When she heard a knock at the door Avery came out of her thoughts and looked at the watch on her wrist. It was no where near time for Taylor to bring the boys by so that she could have them for the weekend and the coming week. She hadn't physically had custody of them since she had let Zoe drop them off after church and she was missing them badly. She may not have been sure how she felt being tied down as a wife right now but one thing she was certain of after three weeks of this new life was the fact that she loved being a mother. She loved her kids and she was sure she wouldn't trade them even if they had partly caused her to miss out on stuff.

Going to the door Avery opened it and raised an eyebrow as she came face to face with Jolene who was holding a container of some food. "I wasn't expecting to see you hear Jo," she said as she eventually smiled and moved aside so that Zac's mom could come in. An upside to these past three weeks was that she had gotten to know Zac's mom though his mom still seemed reserved around her.

"Zac said he thought you'd finish moving in today," Jolene shrugged as she stepped inside. "I decided to bring you a dish of my baked macaroni and cheese. Zac always loved it as a kid and gave it rave reviews."

Avery laughed as she shut the door behind Jolene, "I think Zac gives any food rave reviews," she said knowing that Zac seemed to love food. He almost reminded her of her own sons and their appetites. "Though I am surprised he never learned to cook if you can make such amazing food."

"I tried to teach him," Jolene nodded as she walked through Avery's apartment until she made her way into the kitchen. "It turned out horrible. I think I was lucky the only thing he burnt was the food."

Laughing again after she made it to the kitchen behind Jolene she just shook her head. "Then I will remember not to try to teach him how to cook," she said writing herself a mental note. "Don't need him burning down my apartment complex by accident."

Jolene shook her head, "No that wouldn't be good," she said as she sat the container down on Avery's stove. "I can say bringing you food isn't the only other reason I came here though," she said as she turned to face the younger woman whose place she was visiting.

"Oh?" Avery asked when Jolene said that bringing the food by wasn't the only reason she had came.

"I wanted to tell you not to hurt my son," Jolene sighed as she looked away from Avery and down at the floor. "Zac claims he doesn't love you but he does. I know my son well enough to know he loves you and I also know you are married or well going through a divorce now," she said as she finally looked back up. "I know from experience what it's like to get burned by someone whose marriage is supposedly rocky and then they decide to have a change of heart. I don't want that to happen to my son."

When Avery heard Jolene say that she was sure Zac loved her she couldn't help but feel her heart stop beating for a few seconds. Here she had been doubting her attractiveness to him and now his mom was standing in front of her saying she thought Zac loved her. She thought Zac loved her and she didn't want Avery to hurt him.

At Avery's silence Jolene decided to keep talking, "I see you still wear your wedding band," she nodded towards Avery's hands. "I bet you right now if your husband walked through that door and the two of you had a good heart to heart you'd go back to him without a second thought towards my son."

"And you don't want me to take back my husband if we had a heart to heart?" Avery asked as she felt herself swallow hard. She wasn't sure it would be that easy for Taylor to want her back even if they ever did have a heart to heart but then again it was like Zac's mom said she probably would at this rate go back to Taylor if it did ever come down to that. Like Jolene had pointed out she still wore her ring and a part of her wasn't ready to remove it or and she didn't even know when she would be ready.

"I'm not saying that," Jolene said as she shook her head. "I'm just saying I'd want you to consider Zac before just jumping to make a decision or if you know that what I said could even be a possibility then let my son down. Don't let him get hurt because he already had his heart broken several months ago and that's why he is home again."

Nodding Avery gave Jolene a smile, "I won't hurt Zac," she said honestly knowing she would do her best to try not to hurt him. "I promise you Jo."

Jolene gave Avery a smile before nodding as well, "I should go then," she spoke before leaving the kitchen. "I said what I needed to say and I trust what you said," she said as she heard Avery following behind her.

Stopping when both she and Jolene reached her door Avery just gave the woman a smile again before reaching out to open her door. The moment she pulled her door open she froze as she saw Diana standing in her doorway. A container of food in her hands as well. What was with both of the men in her life's moms bringing her food and on the same day?

Diana who had looked up when she heard the door open felt herself freeze as she saw Avery standing behind a woman who she had hoped would have stayed in her past. A woman who had almost ruined her family and marriage.

When Diana remained silent and frozen and her face looking like she was about to faint Avery raised an eyebrow before turning to look at Jolene whose one reaction was almost the same. "I..is everything okay?" she asked softly as she looked between both women a few times.

Hearing Avery speak Jolene was brought back to reality and she looked away from Diana. She hadn't seen the woman since the day she had came to her when Zac had been a baby. "Why don't you ask Diana all about it," Jolene said before slipping past Diana and leaving. Apparently it seemed the Hanson's were still in the dark about Walker's past and hell maybe Walker was in the dark that he even had a son. Diana had said she had only found out Jolene was pregnant thanks to seeing her at the doctors when she had taken one of her own boys.

Diana glared at Jolene's words but watched the woman leave, "Jolene and I are just old acquaintances," she sighed as she shook her head and barged her way inside the house after the redhead had left. "I didn't even known you knew the Coleman family."

"Jo's son is umm...he is a friend," Avery nodded as she shut the door behind Diana. "I mean I'm sure Taylor has told you why he are getting a divorce," she said as she took the container of food from Diana's hand and headed into the kitchen with it. "Taylor always tells you stuff more so than he tells his own father."

Diana stopped in her tracks as she followed Avery to the kitchen, "Jolene's son is the one you are cheating on Taylor with?" she asked her voice turning to one of displeasure and anger. Anger that another Coleman was going to mess up her family in some way. All she could hope was that Avery and Taylor were able to work things out like she and Walker had done. Jolene's bastard child could be like his mom for all she cared and be left in the cold. Though she really hoped the man didn't knock Avery up. She wasn't sure she could live with knowing her son could be tied to the Coleman family, that she in someway would have to be tied to them. She had never even told Walker about his baby because of the fear that he'd leave her for the woman again.

"I'm not..I mean I guess I am but I mean we haven't even had sex so I'm not even sure that's really cheating," Avery said feeling uncomfortable even telling Diana what she had but she at least wanted to clear up that she wasn't that horrible. That she hadn't had sex with Zac even though she did kind of want too.

Sighing in relief Diana smiled some, "Trust me you don't want to have sex with him Avery," she said shaking her head. "Or any other man for that matter. I think this whole thing with you and Taylor is ridiculous anyway and you two should just sit down calmly and fix your marriage. Stop this sham of a divorce," she said as she watched Avery set the container of the food she had brought on the stove next to another container.

Diana had a feeling the other was from Jolene and it made her angry again that the woman was even getting close to her daughter-in-law. Diana herself wasn't particularly close to Avery and she didn't want Walker's ex and the mother of the child he didn't know about to get close to her.

"Walker and I almost divorced too once," Diana said finally coming out of her thoughts as she gave Avery a smile. "All it took was me talking to him and us agreeing to go to counseling to fix things."

Listening to Diana, Avery swallowed hard as she sighed. Of course Diana would force the idea of reconciliation upon her, "Trust me I'm sure your and Walker's issues aren't the same as mine and Taylor's. Just because your marriage was that easily fixable doesn't mean ours is. Maybe it's best if we divorce."

Diana shook her head, "It was very similar actually," she nodded. "He left me for another woman," she said bitterly as her mind flashed to Jolene. "Luckily he realized he never really loved her though and I'm confident you'll realize that with Jolene's son."

"This has nothing to do with whether I love Zac or not," Avery spoke as she raised her voice slightly. "It has to do with me wanting to experience things and yes Zac can help but it has nothing to do with me loving him or not or even me leaving Taylor for him. Taylor's the one that left me," she said as she locked eyes with Diana. "Now I am asking you to please go Diana. I have to get my house ready before Taylor brings the boys by and I can't do that if we stand here having a conversation on your supposed theories on why my marriage is ending or even what I may or may not realize."

Taken aback at Avery's outburst Diana just sighed before turning and walking away to leave like her daughter-in-law wanted from her.

Watching as Diana left Avery ran a hand through her hair as she stayed in the kitchen. She hadn't meant to go off on Diana but the talks with both women were just making things more confusing for her than she had already felt. Diana wanted her to just jump back and fix things with Taylor while Jolene wanted her to consider Zac maybe even let Zac go if she realized reconciliation was what she wanted with her husband.

It was the thought of letting Zac go that scared her, though right now, she was sure she didn't love him. She did feel something for him though but she wasn't sure what but it wasn't love. She couldn't love him when she had willingly admitted to herself if she and Taylor had a heart to heart and he wanted to patch things up she'd go running. She couldn't love him when she still wore her wedding band to another man.

But there was something, something there that had made her scared of letting him go. Avery knew she did have some feelings for him or it'd be easier to handle thoughts of letting him go. It'd be easier to want to ditch him and go back to her husband. There was something that just made her unable to quit Zac or whatever this thing was they had between them regardless of loving her husband.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "What else do you need my approval on?" he asked as he raised an eyebrow.

Can't Win For Losing Chapter Fifteen

Taylor pulled into the space at the apartment complex just thirty minutes from his house. He was dropping his boys off for a few weeks with their mom. They had spent three weeks with him and now he knew it was time they came back to Avery. They missed her and he was sure she missed them even if she didn't miss him he could at least be sure of her missing the boys.

Getting out of the truck he went to the back door behind his seat and got Charlie out first before going around to the other side and getting Jonah out. Once he held both boys headed towards the building walking up the flights of stairs in the building Avery had said she lived in.

As he came to a stop at her room he put Jonah down so he could knock though he still held Charlie too him. He was half dreading when she opened the door. When she ushered the boys inside because he'd be alone. He hadn't really been alone much during their divorce so far except for what had been left of Saturday after he had left the hospital. Other than that he had, had his boys at home and they had kept him from really dealing with reality much even though at times it would sometimes hit him. Usually at night.

"Daddy?" Charlie questioned as he raised his head up from his daddy's shoulder. "You knock?"

At Charlie's question Taylor just blushed as he realized he hadn't knocked. He had just been standing outside in front of the door getting lost in his thoughts. "I am going to knock now Charlie buddy," he nodded as he raised his hand and knocked three times before putting his hand down and waiting for Avery to answer.

He didn't have to wait long though because no sooner had he put his hand down did the door open and for the first time since their meeting for that transition thing he was face to face with his soon to be ex-wife.

"You are early," Avery spoke as she opened her door to reveal Taylor and both of her sons. "I mean I was expecting you guys in twenty more minutes," she said before bending down to where Jonah stood at the door. "I missed you little man," she whispered before pulling him close to her as she looked up where Taylor stood holding Charlie. "And I missed you too Charlie buddy."

Charlie grinned down at his mom and tried to wiggle free of his daddy's grasp, "Mommy," he whined before just reaching down for her when his wiggling free had proved unsuccessful.

Taylor heard Charlie whine for Avery after he had tried to get free from his arms. Smiling sadly he put Charlie down and watched as his youngest child went to Avery and soon she was hugging both boys. It was a nice sight to see but it hurt him to know that she hadn't missed him also. It hurt him to not hear her add him in to the list of people she had missed.

But in the end he hadn't expected her to miss him. He knew she had Zac now. She had a man who he didn't even know anything about and that kept her from missing him.

Pulling away from the hug with both her sons Avery stayed on their level, "Are you boys excited to see mommy's new house?" she asked them as she smiled. "You both got new beds here," she said knowing the beds had been courtesy of her parents. She had tried to persuade her dad not to buy them but he had anyway and now a bunk bed had been assembled in her second bedroom. A bunk bed that she was sure the boys would love.

"And I have some of your toys from home too," she told them as she looked at Taylor after saying that. He had brought the toys to Zoe a few days ago and said she could use them for the boys room at her apartment. It was then that she had some hope that maybe he'd let go of his wanting physical custody. It was then she hoped what they had been told had gotten through to him. That he couldn't just rip their kids away from what they were used too and that was her and had been her thanks to his busy schedule in life.

Jonah nodded and ran inside before even waiting on his mommy.

"I should probably go after him before he runs to the wrong room," Avery laughed as she stood up after picking Charlie up. "You can come in too," she told Taylor. "I mean I guess it's only fair you see were your sons will be living when they are with me. You can tell me if you like the place or not."

Taylor was surprised when Avery said he could come in too. He had thought for sure she'd make him leave but he figured she had a point. It was only fair he saw where his boys lived and maybe he'd feel better about leaving them with her once he knew this place passed his standards.

Going inside he shut the door behind him, "Would it matter if I don't like the place?" Taylor asked not meaning to sound harsh but he had. "I don't see you deciding to move out if I don't."

"Well it might kill my ego if you don't like it," Avery said brushing off the sting of his harshness as she finally found Jonah and grabbed his hand before he could walk into the bathroom. Leading him down the hallway she stopped when she reached the room that had been set up for the boys and she opened the door before putting Charlie down.

Taylor watched as Avery opened the door to the boys room and he had to smile seeing that the boys now had a bunk bed something Jonah had been wanting for Christmas. He guessed for his eldest son that Christmas now came early today. "You guys have bunk beds," he said as he looked down at them seeing Jonah look up at him with a huge grin on his face. "How neat is that huh? I guess Santa decided to visit you boys early for this one."

Jonah laughed at his daddy's words, "Does Santa make early visits?" he asked before grabbing Charlie's hand and walking to the toy box he had spotted next to the beds.

"Of course he does," Taylor nodded at his son's question. "Very rare but he does," he said as he crossed his arms watching both of his sons as they started taking toys out of the box that had been set up.

As the boys began to play with their toys Avery looked up at Taylor, "Come on, I'll show you the rest of the apartment," she said before backing out of the room and when he did the same she gave him a quick tour before coming to a stop in her living room. It was when she stopped that she became nervous for his thoughts on her place. She knew it was nothing fancy but it was enough for her and the boys.

When they came to a stop in her living room after her tour of the place Taylor sighed as he looked at Avery, "The place is nice enough I guess. Bathroom could be bigger but then again so could the one at home," he started before catching himself. "I mean the one at my house," he nodded.

"I know what you meant," Avery said as she smiled hearing him say it was nice enough. It was close enough to him approving the place and it made her happy. "I'm glad to know it meets your approval and there is one more thing I want your approval on," she said as she chewed her lip.

At Avery's last words Taylor braced himself especially when he saw her chewing her lip, "What else do you need my approval on?" he asked as he raised an eyebrow.

Continuing to chew her lip Avery had to think of the best way to say this and a part of saying this made her nervous. It made her nervous how he would react or what would be said. "Z...Zac wants to meet the boys," she finally told him as she looked down. "I told him I'd ask you first. That I'd feel better if I had your opinion but I think it would be best if he did," she said knowing that she had gotten used to seeing Zac almost every other day even after art classes he made a habit to spend a few hours with her and he had been a big part of how she had moved into this apartment in under four days.

Taylor ran a hand through his hair at what she had needed his approval on. He hadn't wanted to even think about this man meeting their kids. He hadn't wanted to think it could ever get this serious between him and Avery but of course like everything else he was wrong.

"He's your boyfriend," Taylor finally spoke as he nodded. "I guess it's fair that the boys get to meet the man you are dating."

Avery shook her head at Taylor's words, "He isn't..I mean I'm not...we aren't dating," she finally said as she looked at Taylor. "We never really put a lable on what we are. It's just something," she defended as she made a face. "But he isn't my boyfriend and we aren't dating. I don't even love him," she spoke not sure why she felt guilt when she said she didn't love him. Her words were true.

"So you are having sex with someone you don't even love?" Taylor asked feeling like the woman standing in front of him was not the same woman he had married five years ago. That woman wouldn't have done something with someone unless she felt something for them. Heck she had always said she had knew deep down she loved him the moment she saw him.

Avery blushed and again she shook her head, "We aren't having sex. We've just only ever done the same stuff I said we did at the hospital," she said referring to him getting her off with his hands.

Smiling slightly at this information Taylor chewed on his lip. He knew he should leave now. He had seen her house and they had made small talk. There was nothing else left for him to do here because this wasn't his house and soon she wouldn't even be his wife anymore.

"I umm..I should go," Taylor nodded as he walked towards her door. "Tell the boys I love them when you tell them goodnight. I'd go in there now and say it but I'm afraid I wouldn't get out the door," he laughed trying to play off his sadness at having to leave his sons.

Avery frowned but walked with Taylor to the door, "I'll tell them," she nodded as she stopped in front of her door. "Take care of yourself and I'll see you when I drop the boys off at the house for you in a week or two."

Nodding Taylor just paused as he looked at Avery who stood in front of him. Again he had the urge like he did in the hospital just to shake her. To yell or break things because in this moment he was angry at the situation they were in and he wanted to tell her to just drop this guy and come back home to him. They could call this divorce off. She hadn't had sex with this Zac yet and he could probably forgive her for the things she had done.

Before he could stop himself Taylor leaned in closing the gap between them as he kissed Avery. He kissed her with everything he had in him and he was pleasantly surprised to feel her kissing him back. That action was enough for him to back her against the wall in her doorway as his arms went around her waist.

Avery who had been frozen as she watched Taylor lean in knew she was probably wrong in allowing him to kiss her. She was probably even more wrong when she kissed him back but all sense of wrong left her the moment her back hit the wall and she moaned out into his mouth as she kissed him harder.

The kisses weren't the same as they were with Zac. Zac was much more rough and his lips more chapped and they also lacked the thing she craved. The thing she couldn't put a name too but that only Zac seemed to stir inside of her. Yet she still wanted these kisses all the same right now. She just knew she couldn't allow this to go past kissing. She couldn't give Taylor false hope that this meant she was one hundred percent sure she wanted to come home or that she was going to ditch Zac.

A knock on the door though made her pull away from Taylor and she saw his face as they pulled away. He was disappointed their kissing had came to a screeching halt.

"Ignore the door," Taylor spoke as he looked at Avery. "Just ignore it and maybe the person will go away."

Avery shook her head, "It could be my parents or one of my sisters," she said knowing she couldn't ignore it. "I can't just ignore it if it's them," she told him as another much louder knock came on her door.

Taylor just rolled his eyes but didn't say anything else. Instead he watched as she opened her door and he felt his stomach drop to his chest as he saw the person on the other side. The person who had interrupted their kiss. It was a man who had his hair thrown up in some messy bun like up do and he had flowers in his hand. Not roses but sunflowers Avery's favorite kind of flowers.

How in the hell could he ever hope that Avery would leave this man? This man who was standing on her doorstep now looking like a deer caught in headlights as he took in both Avery and him. It was apparent he hadn't expected Taylor to be here.

"Shit," Zac finally spoke as he looked at the man standing beside Avery. "Tonight's the night you get the kids," he said as he remembered her saying now that she was getting them tonight. "I kind of totally forgot," he laughed trying to play off the awkwardness he felt to be staring at Avery's husband well soon to be ex. "How awkward is this?" he asked as he offered the man a smile. It was the least he could do right? Be nice to the man whose wife he wanted to wife up himself one day.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "What makes you think I'm not over my husband yet?"

Can't Win For Losing Chapter Sixteen

"Yeah how awkward," Taylor agreed his tone dry as he nodded towards Zac. Looking at Avery he could see her nervously biting her lip as she kept looking between the two men but the look in her eyes every time she looked at Zac. There was something there and she may claim not to be in love but the way her eyes lit up said another story.

"I should go," he said his voice harsh again as he walked past Zac soon heading to his truck. Getting in he slammed the door looking up at Avery's apartment in time to see Zac going inside and the door shutting behind him. In a matter of minutes that man would be meeting his children and that thought made him sick. It made him sick but he couldn't change his mind now.

Shaking his head Taylor started his car and pulled out of the parking space. Soon heading back home alone. The silence in the car was almost unbearable so as he drove he turned the radio up to the loudest it would go in hopes that he could just drown out the silence and his thoughts. His thoughts just wanted to go to Avery and Zac. He wanted to keep thinking of what they could be doing..what they'd do later once the boys were in bed.

"He brought her flowers," Taylor voiced out loud to himself. "He wants to get laid if he is bringing her damn flowers."

It was after he talked to himself that he turned onto the street he lived and eventually into his drive way. Turning the car off he got out and watched as Natalie walked over from her yard. He wasn't sure what she wanted but he was almost afraid to find out.

"So," Natalie smiled as she came to a stop in front of Taylor. "I was wondering if you wanted to go out tonight. It's a Friday and your boys are gone and I just figured you might want to get out of the house. I don't want you moping about now that the boys are gone."

Taylor just shook his head, "Trust me Natalie if we went out I'd just want to go somewhere with some strong alcohol," he said knowing he wanted something that would make him forget that he had met Zac. Something that could erase the image of the way Avery had looked at Zac from his mind.

Natalie raised an eyebrow at his words, "That much of a bad day already after dropping off the boys?"

"It is when Zac showed up at Avery's door bearing flowers," Taylor muttered sarcastically as he rolled his eyes. "And god you should have seen her face every time she looked at him. It's like she was looking at the man she was in love with," he said thinking that should have been him but her eyes didn't light up near as much when they always landed on him. "Zac's her leading man and I'm just the co-star in whatever movie Avery is in right now."

"Oh..." Natalie muttered cringing inside when she heard him say that Zac had shown up. "I'm sorry," she said honestly as she looked at him. "But we could just go to a bar. Get drunk or well you can get drunk and I can stay sober so I can drive us both home," she nodded as she gave him a smile. "Come on it will be like old times."

"Yeah and in old times you usually did drink even though you drove us home," Taylor reminded her as he crossed his arms. The idea of getting drunk sounded appealing though. It would for the time being maybe numb what he felt inside. "Let me go get dressed and we can go," he told her before smiling some letting her know that he had finally given into what she wanted. He'd go out with her tonight.  
____________________________________________________________________

Later that night after she had gotten the boys to bed and had changed into her own pajamas Avery walked into the bedroom that was hers and fake pouted as she saw Zac still fully clothed, "You know it's usually easier to get you off if you are part way naked like in your boxers or something," she teased as she climbed into the bed beside him. For the past few days during her moving in process he had been spending the night with her and she kind of hoped he would tonight as well.

"Your boys are down the hall," Zac defended as he looked at Avery after she joined him in her bed. "I really don't think we should do anything tonight with them here," he said as he blushed slightly.

Laughing at Zac's words Avery just shook her head, "Are you afraid to mess around with me because my kids are here?"

"Maybe," Zac admitted as he blushed. "What if they hear us or walk in to find my hand in their mommy's panties?" he asked knowing he was probably redder than a tomato right now. "I mean I just met them tonight and I swear I think I won them over by conning you into giving them ice cream before bed but they could hate me for life if they walk in on something like that."

Avery couldn't help but laugh more as she buried her head into the side of her pillow, "Zac I've been married for five years. For almost all of them I've had children at home. I've had sex with them at home and they haven't walked in yet and trust me when I say once their out they most usually stay out."

Making a face at her words Zac sighed but stood from her bed, relenting to what she apparently wanted and stripped down to his boxers before getting back in bed with her. "Happy?" he asked as he smirked slightly before locking eyes with her.

"A bit yes," Avery nodded as she smirked as well and leaned in to peck Zac's lips. "Though there is something else I wanted to say."

"What else do you want to say?" Zac asked as he raised an eyebrow. She had a serious look on her face and it almost scared him.

Swallowing hard Avery bit her lip deciding to bite the bullet and just ask him, "How come you don't want to have sex with me?"

Feeling his cheeks heat up again Zac just gave Avery a confused look, "What makes you think I don't want to have sex with you?" he asked not sure where she even got that idea from.

"Well I mean you didn't mention it yet. Hell you haven't really mentioned wanting to do more than we already do," Avery shrugged as she too felt her cheeks got hot and she was sure she was blushing just like him. "I just figured if you wanted to have sex with me that you'd say something by now."

Zac shook his head at her words, "I...I do want to have sex with you Ave," he said honestly as he looked at her. "But I don't think we should have sex until you know you are over your husband for good. I...I don't want to be just some guy whose a rebound for you."

As Zac spoke Avery again swallowed hard. If he didn't want to be some rebound guy then that meant he wanted to be more and maybe just maybe that meant his mom had been right when she said Zac loved her. But..no he couldn't love her. It was too soon for that and well even if he did she didn't want to know. She'd feel awful especially knowing that she didn't love him back.

"What makes you think I'm not over my husband yet?" she asked wanting to know his reasons for that. She knew she wasn't but she wanted his words. She wanted to hear his thoughts.

"For starters you still wear your wedding band," Zac told Avery as he looked down at the wedding band and engagement ring still on her finger. "That's how I know you still aren't over him. If you were you'd feel comfortable enough to take that off," he said as he looked away from her finger. "I..I can't have sex or make love to you knowing that, that ring is there. Knowing your promise to another man is on your finger while you're engaging in something like that with me," he spoke knowing even with his lifestyle he had never slept with a married woman or one who at least wore her rings. He had refused too.

Looking down at her rings Avery sighed, "Just because I have them on doesn't mean I'm not over him," she told him though she knew he was right. That was partly the reason she hadn't taken her rings off. She still wasn't over Taylor and she couldn't bear to take off the rings he had given her as a symbol of their life long commitment. Whenever she did take them off then she knew that would be the final nail in the coffin. It was something she wasn't ready for.

"Maybe not for some people but for you I think it means that," Zac nodded as Avery looked down at her rings. "And then today when I showed up and he was here. The way you looked at him like you were hurting because he had to see me."

"I wasn't..." Avery started but stopped herself because she knew that was a lie too. She had been hurt for Taylor because he had seen Zac and she knew that had to have killed him especially since moments before seeing Zac they had been kissing or well making out rather intently.

When Avery stopped herself Zac forced a smile, "It's okay if you were. You still love him," he told her feeling his heartbreak as he said his last words. He just wanted Avery to love him but he knew she had been with Taylor for years. You didn't just fall out of love with someone so quick. It had taken him all of five months to know he was over Brenda for good.

Avery smiled sadly at Zac saying it was okay, "B..but you love me," she said going back to what his mother had told her. "You love me and it has to hurt you that I can't return how you feel yet."

Being taken aback at her words Zac shook his head, "I don't..." he started but stopped much like she had. He couldn't lie to her. He couldn't do it even if he had wanted too. "How did you know?"

"When your mom came by she told me," Avery admitted as she shrugged. "She said you denied it to her but she knew and then she told me to let you go if I ever decided I wanted my husband back. She told me to let you go instead of just going to my husband while still being with you," she said knowing those weren't Jolene's true words at the end but they were the gist of what she had been saying.

Zac laughed some figuring he should have known his mom would give him away, "Next time I will have to make her sign a confidentiality agreement," he joked before biting his lip. "A..are you going to let me go? I mean is this your way of saying you want Taylor back."

Avery shook her head no, "I can't let you go," she said honestly. "Regardless of loving my husband there is something that makes me scared to lose you. I can't just let you go."

Hearing her answer Zac just smiled before leaning in to kiss her on the lips softly. He knew now there was more of a chance for him to get his heartbroken but yet he didn't and wasn't going to walk away. How could he walk away from someone he was falling in love with?

Kissing Zac back Avery moved closer to him before laying on her back and somehow maneuvering him over her. She knew it was different but with him she liked for him to take the lead. She liked him being the one in control where as with Taylor she liked being in control.

As they kissed she moaned out slightly into his mouth as his hands found their way under the shirt she had on and she shivered as his hand made its way towards her breast which he soon began to rub softly as his tongue slipped inside of her mouth. The more he played with her breast the more she moaned especially as his hips began to move into hers and she could feel his erection through his boxers and she almost wished he'd just rip her pajama pants off along with his damn boxers and fuck her into next week, but she understood his reasons for not wanting to go there. She understood them and who knew maybe one day down the road she'd be able to take her ring off and then maybe they could finally go all the way.

When Zac pulled away from the kiss he smiled as he looked down at her before taking her shirt off of her, "You really want to have sex with me?" he asked her before leaning down to kiss her neck. He knew what he had said previously about her wearing her wedding bands and not being a rebound and all of that but if she wanted him then maybe he could give her what she wanted. Maybe he could bend his personal rules for her. Rules he had made way before even meeting her. He'd sleep with a still sort of married woman and he'd do it while she wore her wedding band.

Moaning louder as he kissed her neck Avery nodded her head feeling his kisses trail to the other side and she let her nails dig into the skin on his back, "I do really want to have sex with you," she said honestly as she shivered again when he let his tongue run out across the skin on her neck licking it.

All it took was her saying that he moved his lips from her neck before looking down at her again, "Then we'll have sex," he told her before kissing her on the lips again. This time as he did so his hands moved towards her pajama bottoms and in one swift move he slid them off of her along with her panties, letting them join her shirt in the floor.

The moment she was fully naked he had to pull away to look her over. Though they may have been getting each other off they had never fully seen each other naked. He had seen her topless but now here she was below him fully naked and she was beautiful.

When Zac looked her over Avery blushed slightly knowing this was the first time he'd seen her naked, "I'm not much to look at," she said shaking her head. "Two kids can really change the body."

"You're beautiful," Zac told her as he smiled down at her before kissing her again briefly, "I just wish you thought as much."

Blushing more as Zac called her beautiful Avery shook her head, "If you say so," she said not wanting to argue with him. Instead she moved her hands up and slid his boxers off his hips soon throwing them to the floor with the rest of their clothes. After she did so she took in his body and felt her heartbeat skip a beat almost. He wasn't as big as her husband but he was thick..god was he thick.

"You're handsome," she finally spoke before letting her hands go up to cup his cheeks before pulling him into a kiss. "And I really fucking need you," she whispered into his mouth.

At her saying she needed him Zac kissed her harder before lining himself up just right and slowly moving inside of her. It was then that he moaned as he felt her around him. She was warm and so fucking tight even after having two kids. She was tighter than some of the women he had, had sex with who had no kids.

"Oh..." Avery whimpered out as she felt Zac slide inside of her. The intrusion was one she had been expecting but yet it had still taken her by surprise some. It had taken her by surprise and it had felt good too. It had felt good to have someone inside her again after so many weeks of not actually having real sex with someone.

Kissing him back just as hard as he kissed her she found her hands moving their way down his back as she felt him begin to move inside her. His movements were slow and deliberate and Avery was certain he was skilled with having sex. Maybe this ex of his had taught him well or hell maybe he had been experienced way before her too.

Zac grunted some as he picked up his pace slightly, his lips moving away from Avery's as they went back down her neck and to the skin there which he kisssed and sucked on. He knew he was breaking every rule of his but right now he was glad he was. He was glad that he had given her what she wanted.

When Zac picked up his pace Avery moaned louder and again she dug her nails into his back as she began to move with him, finding it easy to match his movements eventually. "You...ugh.." she muttered out as she closed her eyes as he went farther inside of her an action that caused her to press him closer to her.

"I what?" Zac asked on her skin his breath hitting her neck as he did so. He was breathing was getting labored now and he was starting to sweat just a bit.

"You feel really fucking good," Avery muttered as her head fell back farther into the pillow as he continued his movements inside of her. She swore with each movement he made went deeper and god if he kept this up she was going to reach her end much quicker than she wanted too.

Smirking at Avery's words Zac bit down on her skin a bit too rough as he picked up his pace. He liked knowing that even though she was still in love with her husband that she could enjoy sex with him. That she thought he felt good inside of her.

After he bit her neck Avery closed her eyes tight as he began to move faster now, actions that caused her breathing to get hard but she still held him to her and when she felt her walls clenching around him after a bit she could barely whimper out his name.

It wasn't long after she had reached her peak that she felt him bite her again roughly as he came inside of her. She had never been bitten before during sex but a part of her did kind of like it just like she had liked letting him lead. She had liked submitting to him which she had rarely done with Taylor.

Collapsing on top of Avery, Zac buried his head in her neck as he caught his breath. "I..fuck that was good," he whispered once he could finally speak.

Laughing at Zac's words Avery nodded, "It was good," she said knowing that she actually didn't regret what had happened. She didn't regret it and if she was being honest with herself she had been scared she would. "It was good and I...I liked it."

Zac moved his head enough to look at her, "Enough to have another round before we go to sleep?" he asked as he winked at her.

Again Avery laughed before rolling her eyes, "Maybe," she replied as she winked back. "If you get me turned on just right."

"I think I can do that," Zac said before smirking and leaning in to kiss her. It was when they kissed he heard her phone vibrate on her nightstand and he pulled away.

Looking up at Zac and then over at her phone Avery shook her head, "Whoever it is can leave a voice-mail," she told him before giving him a smile. She didn't want to answer her phone. She just wanted to have sex with Zac again.  
___________________________________________________________

Taylor groaned as he sat on the bathroom floor at his house as he got Avery's voice-mail. Throwing his phone across the room he cringed when it fell to the floor and he was sure the screen had shattered.

"Damn her," he growled to himself knowing the alcohol was part of his rage and also part of the reason he had called her at almost one in the morning. The other reason was because Taylor had wanted to tell her he loved her. He loved her and missed her and wanted her home...even if he had just got done having sex with Natalie in the bed he normally shared with his wife.

The sex with Natalie was again something he blamed on the alcohol. She had been helping him to bed when he had just kissed her and things had went from there. Sex along with the alcohol had numbed his feelings but it was after the sex that he soon realized that he regretted what he had done and so he had snuck out of bed and called the only person he wanted to talk too. The only woman who mattered.

But obviously he didn't matter to her because she couldn't answer and his wife usually answered the phone no matter how late it was when someone called her cell or even if it woke her up. Feeling sick Taylor turned around towards the toilet which he had been leaning against and he lost the contents of his stomach. He wasn't sure if it was the alcohol that made him sick or just the events of everything that had happened in the last few hours.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "It was a mistake Nat," Taylor said in between bites of his cereal before turning to look at Natalie who now sat beside him.

Can't Win For Losing Chapter Seventeen

Waking the next morning to the smell of food cooking Avery sat up in bed and looked around not seeing Zac beside her and she slowly slipped out of bed. Grabbing her panties she slipped them back on before grabbing Zac's t-shirt that he had taken off last night. Luckily for her it went past her panties and stopped well enough down her legs that her kids wouldn't see anything.

Going out of her bedroom she walked into the kitchen and laughed as she saw Zac standing at her stove, "If you burn my apartment down I am going to have to murder you," she teased before walking over to him.

Zac laughed as he turned his head to look at Avery who had came to a stop beside him, "You're kids woke up and were hungry. I decided to fix them eggs. It's the only simple thing I can actually fix," he said as he looked at her. "They didn't seem to mind them actually. In fact Charlie wants more."

Avery raised an eyebrow and looked out from her kitchen entry way to see the kids sitting on the floor watching some sort of Saturday cartoon. "And your fixing him more eggs?"

"Yes," Zac nodded as he raised an eyebrow too. "Is that okay with you?"

Avery smiled, "That's fine with me just try not set my apartment on fire," she teased him again before leaving to head into the living room where her kids where. Sitting down beside Charlie she smiled at him as she ruffled his hair.

"Zac makes eggs mommy," Charlie piped up as he turned his head to look at his mommy. "They better than daddies."

Laughing some Avery just shook her head, "Well let's not tell daddy they are better than his," she said not sure how well Taylor would handle knowing Zac could make eggs better than him. Hell she wasn't sure how well Taylor was handling everything with Zac to begin with.

"I won't," Charlie smiled as he moved in closer to his mommy and soon climbed onto her lap. "I miss daddy though."

"I bet you do Charlie buddy," Avery sighed as she looked down at the child in her lap. Charlie had always been more of a daddy's boy while Jonah was the typical mommy's boy that most boys tended to be. "How about later today I call daddy and you can talk to him?" she asked curiously. She figured both Charlie and Taylor would like that.

Grinning at his mommy's words Charlie nodded, "Talk to daddy," he said knowing he wanted to talk to his daddy. "Please."

When Charlie said please Avery just smiled and leaned down to kiss the top of his head, "After breakfast okay," she said to him as she heard footsteps coming into the room and she looked up seeing Zac coming into the room with two plates which made her look at him with curiosity.

"I figured you may be hungry too," Zac said as he reached where Avery was sitting in the floor with Charlie on her lap. "So I fixed you some eggs as well," he smiled handing one plate to Charlie and the other to Avery.

Avery gave Zac a smile as she took the plate from him, "Thank you," she said before leaning over slightly to kiss his cheek. She would have kissed him on the lips but she wasn't sure if she was ready to do that in front of her kids, even if she could wear his shirt in front of them.

Zac felt Avery kiss his cheek and he smiled some, "I should go shower," he told her before running a hand through his hair. "I have some errands to run today. The first being to take my mom back her container she brought the macaroni and cheese in."

At Zac mentioning getting a shower Avery looked down at the shirt she had on, "I will take this off after I eat," she said knowing he'd need it before he left. "After you get out I'll probably just get in the shower myself and see what the boys and I can get into before I have to work tonight. Are you still coming over after I get off from work?" she asked him curiously.

"I should be unless something major happens like my trusty old truck getting into an accident," Zac smirked before heading down the hall towards her bathroom. He knew they hadn't had much time to talk about last night and having sex but he was curious if she had regretted it. Yeah she had said she liked it and yes they had even went for a second round but that didn't mean Avery didn't regret what they had done.

Shaking his head he just shut the door to her bathroom and stripped out of his boxers before starting the water for the shower and stepping in once it was just right.  
______________________________________________________________________

Natalie groaned some as she moved in the bed she had been sleeping peacefully in. Waking up when her arm landed on the pillow beside her she opened her eyes and frowned as she saw Taylor was gone from the bed. Standing up after she got out of bed she walked to the closet and opened the door a smile on her face as she saw some of Avery's clothes were still there including a bathrobe.

Slipping the bathrobe on she headed downstairs where she soon found Taylor in the kitchen where he sat at the table eating a bowl of cereal and drinking a cup of coffee. Going in she smiled as she looked at him. "I think I slept the best I have in ages," she told him before going to his cabinets and getting a cup down before pouring herself a cup of coffee then joining Taylor at the table. "It was nice being in your arms again," she smiled for once feeling like maybe she could finally get what they had back. Maybe she could actually finally be his wife and step-mom to his kids. Then one day they could have their own.

"It was a mistake Nat," Taylor said in between bites of his cereal before turning to look at Natalie who now sat beside him. "It was a mistake," he repeated as his eyes looked her over. She was wearing one of Avery's bathrobes and he made a face. It was one Avery hated and to be honest he could see why. It was floral and looked like something his mom would wear which was funny because she was the one who had given it to Avery.

Hearing Taylor say what had happened last night was a mistake Natalie felt like she had been slapped in the face, "You may have been drunk but it wasn't a mistake."

"Yes it was," Taylor nodded as he looked away from her. "I still love my wife and I shouldn't have let myself even kiss you. Having sex while my marriage crumbles isn't fixing anything."

Natalie frowned as she listened to him, "Neither is getting a divorce without really talking to your wife," she said before finishing her coffee. "But you're doing that and don't seem to think it is a mistake."

Taylor closed his eyes briefly at Natalie's words, "I know that," he snapped once he had opened his eyes and he looked back at her. "I know it's a mistake Natalie and I don't really need to be reminded of that and made to feel worse when I already feel fucking awful for what happened last night."

When Taylor snapped at her Natalie jumped slightly but stood from the chair, "Well I'm sorry that sex with me made you feel so awful," she told him as she tried to keep herself composed. "I'm sorry that I was just trying to make you feel better," she said as she shook her head. "I think I'm going to go get dressed and go. It's obvious you need some time alone to deal or whatever the fuck you have to do."

"Yeah I think you leaving is a good idea," Taylor agreed as he looked away from her again. "And I'm not sure when or if I want to see you again so don't come over in a few hours or a few days."

Nodding her head Natalie left the kitchen and headed upstairs. Getting to the bedroom she slipped the robe off and put her clothes back on quickly before leaving the room and eventually the house. Walking to her own house she raised an eyebrow at the person sitting on her front porch. It was a friend of hers she hadn't seen since leaving California though she had kept in constant contact with the person.

"B..Brenda?" she asked wanting to make sure she wasn't seeing things. "I didn't expect to see you here."

Brenda laughed at Natalie's shock, "I didn't expect to be here," she said as she stood up and wiped her pants off before pulling Natalie into a hug. She and Natalie had been neighbors at her apartment complex in California. They had somehow though became close during their times as neighbors. "I came because Steve ended things," she frowned before pulling away from the hug. "He seems to think I'm still in love with Zac."

"And are you?" Natalie asked curiously as she raised an eyebrow. She knew from the times she had seen Zac and Brenda together they had always seemed so in love. More so compared to the short time she saw Brenda with Steve before moving back home to Kentucky.

Brenda smiled as she thought of Natalie's answer, "Of course I still love him. I think I was just trying to replace Zac because I wasn't sure he could handle the kind of commitement I need now."

Natalie just shook her head as she listened to Brenda talk, "And now you think the boy is ready for marriage and kids?"

"Yes," Brenda laughed though it was almost a giggle. "I think he is and I feel so awful for even ending things with him to begin with."

"If you feel that way then why are you here on my doorstep?" Natalie asked walking to her door. "Why don't you get on the next plane out of this place and go find Zac whereever he ran off too?"

Brenda looked down at Natalie's words, "Because this is where Zac is as well," she said before looking back up. "Zac's from here too and he came here. According to his facebook he's doing some teaching at the local community college. Some art classes."

As Natalie took in what Brenda said she had barely just stepped into her house when she came to a stop. Brenda's Zac was from Kentucky. He was from this town and teaching art classes. Shaking her head as she thought of the man Avery was with, her teacher who Taylor had said was named Zac she sighed. She had came to the only possible conclusion there was.

The same man Brenda had came back to win was the man who was involved with Taylor's wife. Natalie knew if Zac went back to Brenda then Avery would come running back to Taylor and she didn't want that but then again she didn't want her friend not to be happy and if Zac made her happy...but no she had just slept with Taylor and even though he was angry she had hopes he would come around.

"So what are you plans to get Zac back?" Natalie asked as her voice cracked some though she hoped Brenda didn't notice. In the end it seemed fate really didn't want Natalie to get her happy ending with Taylor. No Avery would get hers with Taylor the moment she came back to him after Zac had went back to Brenda.

Brenda went inside her friends house, "Finding him and explaining things. Telling him I made a huge mistake and that I hope we can work on our issues. Though I was kind of hoping I could stay at your place. I mean until I get the man I love back and we both more than likely go back to California."

Nodding Natalie just forced a smile, "Of course you can stay here," she said as she tried to show she was okay even if inside she felt as if she was anything but okay.  
____________________________________________________________________________

That afternoon Avery sighed as she cleaned her kitchen up some. Zac was gone now and it was just her and the boys. She had tried calling Taylor like she had told Charlie she would but he hadn't answered his phone. At the time she had thought maybe he had just been asleep but she had called two more times since then and she still hadn't gotten an answer. She knew she was probably paranoid but she was beginning to worry about him especially after last night and him seeing Zac.

Hearing a knock at her door she was brought out of her thoughts as she glanced at her wrist watch. It wasn't time for Zoe to get here and watch the boys while she went to work. That was still a few more hours off. "Hopefully it's not Jolene," she said to herself as she left the kitchen. "Or Diana," she muttered under her breath after that. She had,had enough of both of them yesterday to last a lifetime.

Opening the door finally she felt herself grin as she saw Taylor all worry about him leaving her. "I've been trying to call you all day," she spoke as she moved in to pull him into a hug. "I was worried," she said as she felt his arms go around her too and his head bury in her neck where last night Zac's head had been.

As Avery pulled him into her arms Taylor buried his face into her neck as he broke down crying. He hadn't meant too but since sleeping with Natalie he had been doing everything to hold himself together. Hell sleeping with Natalie was why he was here. He was here to confess that to Avery even though he knew he didn't have too but she had been honest with him yesterday about Zac even though she didn't have too and so he was going to do the same even if he was slightly pissed that she had ignored his call last night.

"I made a mistake," Taylor whispered into her neck his breath hitting her skin as more tears came down his cheeks. "I made a really huge mistake."

When Taylor broke down crying on her and then said he had made a mistake Avery pulled away and looked at him, "What kind of mistake did you make?" she asked feeling confused.

"I should probably come inside," Taylor said not wanting to have this conversation outside.

Nodding Avery moved aside so he could come in and the minute he did she shut the door, "What mistake did you make?" she asked again still confused and now curious. What could have him this upset?

Hearing her ask that question again Taylor ran a hand through his hair. It was messy and he hadn't felt like even fixing it to come see her, "Sit down before I tell you."

Avery rolled her eyes at him ignoring her question again but she sat down, looking at him expectantly after she had.

Taylor swallowed hard at the way Avery looked at him after she had sat down and he knew now he couldn't hold off his confession. He had to tell her and he was dreading it. "I...I had sex with Natalie last night," he confessed his voice cracking up some when he had first started to talk.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Why did you come here?"

Can't Win For Losing Chapter Eighteen

Avery sat on her couch in shock at what Taylor had confessed to her. He had sex with Natalie. He had finally went there and while she knew she shouldn't be angry because last night she too had sex with someone with someone else she was angry and she was hurt. She was hurt that of all people he had slept with Natalie the woman who had been part of the reason she had even really left Taylor in the other place. The other person responsible had been herself because she had wanted to try life without him.

"Why did you have sex with her?" she asked her voice not even rising an inch though she felt tears in her eyes. Not the sad kind of tears either. They were angry tears and she knew this made her a hypocrite. She really had no right to be angry but she was.

Taylor frowned slightly at Avery's reaction. It made the guilt he felt even worse, "I was drunk," he said knowing that didn't excuse why he had done it. "I was drunk and she was helping to get me in bed and it just happened."

"Oh so helping you to bed means fucking you?" Avery asked as she stood up from the couch and shook her head. "It means sleeping with you when you are going through a divorce?" she asked as she had to look away from him. "Being drunk is no damn excuse for messing up," she told him before looking back at him.

Avery had to say she was amazed at the things she was saying especially since it was apparent that Taylor did feel guilty. He had broke down before even telling her this and yet here she was not feeling guilty for even having sex with Zac and maybe that was why she was angry. She was angry because she was supposedly in love with her husband and yet she didn't feel guilty that she had sex with Zac last night. She didn't even have an ounce of regret.

When Taylor didn't answer her questions Avery crossed her arms, "You regret it don't you?" she asked him though she was sure she knew the answer.

"Of course I regret it," Taylor told her as he looked at her almost pleading with her to forgive him. He knew he was pathetic standing here wanting her forgiveness. They were getting a divorce and it's not like it should matter to her who he had sex with. "I regret it so much Ave," he spoke as he walked closer to her and put his hands on both of her cheeks making her look at him. "I love you and only you. That hasn't stopped just because of everything that's happened and damn it I could probably forgive you for the things you've done with Zac."

Avery swallowed hard when Taylor said he could probably forgive her for the things she had done with Zac. He still had no clue she had sex with Zac and to be honest she wasn't sure she wanted to tell him. Then he probably couldn't forgive her and that would just make her feel worse for not even regretting or feeling awful for what she had done.

"You can't forgive me," she finally spoke her words coming out in sobs as her emotions took over. "You are divorcing me because I can't give Zac up," she said as she uncrossed her arms and shook her head. "You can't even give me time to sort things out so I know you couldn't forgive me for what I have done with Zac."

Taylor let Avery talk and after she had he looked into her eyes, "I love you Avie and I could forgive you. It's not like you had sex with him. I'm the one who messed up there but maybe we can fix things," he nodded as he again almost looked at her like he was pleading. "We can fix things and we can work things out. I don't want Natalie and I'm sorry I messed up and I'm sorry I filed for divorce," he sighed just wanting things back to how they had been before their argument in the street after she had misheard his conversation with Natalie.

"Come home to me Avery," he said wanting her back home. "I need you there and I need the boys."

Closing her eyes at his words Avery felt her heart come to a stop as she thought of what she should do and again Jolene's words rang in her ears. For her to think of Zac before just making a decision and she knew she owed it to Zac to think of him. He loved her too and they had just made love last night. If things with Zac weren't this deep then maybe she could just give him her words right away but things with Zac were deep and she knew she refused to hurt Zac again like his ex had.

"I...I can't," Avery finally said as she opened her eyes and looked at Taylor. "I can't do that to Zac," she told him as she shook her head. "He'll be hurt and I don't want to hurt him."

Taylor looked at Avery feeling confused but he let his hands fall from her cheeks, "You love him don't you?" he asked knowing that yesterday she had said she hadn't but if she didn't want to hurt him she had to feel something for him.

Shaking her head no Avery felt tears in her eyes, "I love you," she said knowing her actions probably didn't show that. "I don't love him but I care enough about Zac to not want to hurt him and if I just ditch him it will hurt him," she nodded. "And I'm not ready to end whatever I have with him."

Feeling hurt by Avery's words Taylor nodded before laughing slightly, "I should go," he said before walking towards the door. "I'm sorry I even came here."

"Why did you come here?" Avery asked him as she watched him walk to the door. "What made you want to tell me that you slept with Natalie?"

Taylor stopped at the door as he heard Avery's questions, "Because I had hope in us," he said sadly. "I had hope that maybe this would be what helped us fix what was wrong but I was wrong," he frowned before opening the door and walking out.

Watching Taylor leave Avery felt tears come to her eyes before she fell down to the floor. She wasn't sure how long she was there but she did become aware of Jonah coming into the room and eventually coming to her and sitting down beside her. He had told her not to cry and that he hated seeing his mommy upset.

Not even saying anything to him she just pulled him into a hug and cried harder. She knew she was a fool for not going back to Taylor when he had given her that option. She was a fool for letting her marriage die but she had more than Taylor to think about. More than just Taylor's heart was at stake in whatever choice she made.  
__________________________________________________________________

After the talk with Taylor the days eventually passed. Days in which she had spent more time with Zac and her kids as well as working and also still attending his art classes. It was hectic maybe more so then when she had been with Taylor though nothing could beat the hecticness of her and Taylor's early years.

It was the fifth day after her talk with Taylor though that she had finally had a moment of peace. She was off of work and Zac had no classes that day so instead they had decided to spend the day together. They had taken the boys to the zoo an idea that had been Zac's and afterwards they had all went to eat at some pizza place. After they had gotten settled with the boys though was when she and Zac had decided to have some time alone to their selves.

Somehow Avery had conned Jessica into baby-sitting mainly cause she knew Joe had taken Hans on some trip with all the men in his family and she knew that Jessica missed having a kid to watch after. She had said as much the last time they had talked on the phone two days prior.

"Are you sure I am going to like this place?" Zac asked as Avery pulled her car into the parking space of some bar in town. Apparently one that she and Taylor had came to a few times. It was some country bar and he really wasn't sure he'd like it much. Especially since most of the people here were wearing cowboy boots and damn cowboy hats. After a few years in California he had just gotten used to hipsters.

Avery laughed as Zac's question brought her out of her thoughts, "They have beer," she told him as she shrugged. "If you don't like it just get shitfaced drunk," she nodded before getting out of her car. Once Zac too had gotten out she took his hand and lead him inside. Tonight was the first night that she had really went out with Zac downtown. It was a place she knew she could run into someone she knew or someone who happened to go to her dad's church. It was a big step for her but one she was ready to take.

"I guess the beer part sounds appealing," Zac smirked after he got out of the car and Avery had taken his hand. Truthfully the only kind of clubs he was used to where ones he went too with Brenda and he was sure they had all been a bit more x-rated than this one would be.

Letting Avery drag him inside Zac looked around and made a face as his ears were assaulted by really loud country music, "Let me guess this was your favorite place and your poor ex just had to sit and get drunk too?" he teased as Avery lead the way towards a booth not far from the damn jukebox that Zac was sure was playing the really loud music.

Avery shot Zac a playful glare as she dropped his hand once she got to the booth and she slipped inside, "Actually my ex is the one who brought me here for the first time," she informed him before smiling. "I even had to use a fake i.d. just to get a beer. I'm surprised it worked and I'm surprised we never got in throuble because most of the people at the time knew who I was or knew who my dad was."

Zac raised an eyebrow at her mentioning a fake i.d. "Well weren't you just the little rebel back then," he teased again before sliding in the booth beside her. "Maybe I underestimated who was supposed to be the bad one in this relationship."

When Zac called what they had a relationship Avery froze but instead choose not to say anything about it just yet. No she had waited until they had both ordered food and an alcoholic drink. She could handle this conversation if she had some alcohol in her system that much she knew.

"Are we in a relationship?" Avery finally asked after taking a drink from the beer she had ordered. "I mean you said you underestimated who was supposed to be the bad one in this relationship. So are we in one?"

Zac who had taken a bite of his food was surprised when Avery broke her silence. A silence that had started not long after he had said what she was questioning him on. Picking up the cup that contained his rum and coke he took a drink to help him swallow the food in his mouth before answering her.

"Do you not want us to be?" Zac asked countering her question with one of his own. "I mean I guess I just thought we were. We've kind of sort of mean together for weeks now and we just started having sex," he said knowing they had been having sex almost every night since he had finally given in and gave her what she wanted. "I guess I thought that meant we were in a relationship."

Avery took another drink of her beer after Zac asked her if she didn't want them to be in a relationship. Picking up her food she took a bite and tried to think of an answer. Tried to figure out how she truly felt about it. His reasons for thinking why they were in one made sense.

"So you consider me your girlfriend?" she asked feeling herself blush. She almost sounded like a school girl with her question.

Zac nodded at her question, "I would consider you my girlfriend yeah," he told her as he smiled some. His words were true too he did consider her his girlfriend even if he knew she didn't love him yet. She could fall in love with him one day. It could happen and hopefully it would.

"Then if I'm your girlfriend I want to know more about your past relationship and your secretive life," Avery said before locking eyes with Zac. She hadn't mentioned his past or asked him about it since the night in the back of his truck but now that they were sitting here talking relationships it was the first thing on her mind. Exactly what skeletons he had in his closet and what kind of lifestyle he lead. She felt like he knew almost everything about her life and it was only fair she knew about his.

"Or I refuse to call you my boyfriend," Avery finished as she flashed him a smile to let him know she was willing to do this relationship thing with him. She was willing to be his even if at the moment she didn't and couldn't say she was in love with him.

Swallowing hard at Avery's words Zac looked down and stared at what was left of his food, "You really don't want to know," he told her as he shook his head. He had always had intentions of telling her but now that he was put on the spot like this he was worried. He had spent time with her and he wasn't sure how she'd handle what he had to say mainly because she was much more innocent than him. She was innocent and she sure as hell didn't seem as kinky.

Yes she may have let him bite her neck now every time he came but that was mainly the only kinkiest thing she had shown interest in but then again he hadn't really mentioned other stuff he was into or even asking if he could do other things with her. Mainly because he was afraid of what she'd think. It seemed to him that during her five years of marriage when it came to her sex life she was very sheltered and used to a vanilla type sex life.

Avery shook her head, "I do want to know Zac," she said not sure why he was so hesitant to tell her this. "You know everything about me and about my relationship with Taylor. I think it's only fair I know about yours."

Zac just sighed before looking back up at Avery, "I met Brenda my first year of college. I was eighteen and young and incredibly naive," he laughed as he thought about that meeting. "She was on the campus looking for a job. She was looking to be a teacher there."

Staying silent as he started off Avery smiled some, "They sure hire young professors now."

"She wasn't that young," Zac shook his head. "She was twenty-six at the time. She didn't get the job though but that didn't matter to her. She eventually got a job teaching several months later at a local elementary school. By that time we had been dating for three months. I hadn't even been introduced yet to the type of life she lead."

Avery chewed her lip when she heard how old Brenda had been then and she knew now she'd be older. She'd be in her thirties and it was then she felt insecure again. Like how she used to feel sometimes with Taylor in the old days before she had came to realize that he didn't care she wasn't as experienced as him.

"Life she lead?" Avery finally asked as she willed herself to come out of her thoughts.

Zac nodded before feeling himself blush as he took a deep breath, "Brenda was a swinger," he admitted as he picked up his drink to take a long swig. He needed all the liquid courage he could get. "She didn't tell me about it until nine months in when she took me to a sex club that some of her friends would be at that night."

Hearing Zac's newest admission now Avery blushed and she had to look away from Zac. Suffice it to say she hadn't been expecting Zac to tell her this, "And you got into it too then?" she asked feeling her tone go soft as she tried to even picture Zac in a sex club. She knew what they were she had seen porno's in the past filmed at sex clubs and she had even looked into it once online purely to see what it was about.

She had been glad after that to know her husband wasn't that kinky because she wasn't sure she could go to places where you had sex in front of other people and she wasn't so sure she could willingly let a stranger have sex with her though then again maybe she could since she had been attracted to Zac before she sort of knew him. She realized now maybe she hadn't known him at all.

"I did," Zac confirmed as he smiled slightly afraid of what she was thinking now. "It was mostly women that Brenda knew. Women who were either engaged or dating mainly because Brenda knew I didn't want to sleep with married women. I just...I had more respect for a marriage than that though I guess some of those women could have been married...and Brenda well she slept with the other half of the couple though sometimes she'd just find a single friend of hers and watch me have sex with that friend. It turned her on to watch me having sex with someone else."

Avery again let Zac talk and as he did she picked up her beer taking the final drink, "But you came on to me while I was married," she told him as she raised an eyebrow. "Hell we had sex a few days ago and my divorce still isn't officially over to make me a free woman."

Zac just laughed at that, "You've made me break every damn rule I have Ave," he said as he shrugged. "I still sometimes go to those sex clubs," he added in deciding that she should know that too. "I..I was actually going to take you to one that day you had to go to the hospital because of your sister-in-law having her baby."

"Y...y..you were going to take me to a sex club?" Avery asked feeling pretty sure her face had paled at his words. They hadn't been what she was expecting and she wasn't sure how she felt about that idea. "Have you been there since we..you know I guess started dating?"

Shaking his head no at her last question Zac reached over and took her her hand in his, "I wouldn't go there unless you wanted too," he said knowing he wouldn't cheat on her willingly and he did consider him being with another woman cheating on her since he considered them to be in a relationship. "I'm not a cheater. I may have been a swinger when I was with Brenda and I may have engaged in sex with women at sex clubs after Brenda but I'm not going to cheat on someone."

Avery smiled some at his words feeling a bit at ease though she wasn't sure how to handle all of this new information she had on him. She wasn't sure if she liked it.

"I think I'm ready to go," Avery spoke as she took out her wallet and left enough money for a tip and enough for her half of the bill. A bill that Zac had offered to pay before the came here. Not saying anything else she walked out of the booth and quickly headed outside towards her car. She just wanted to leave and go home. She knew she'd need time to adjust to everything she now knew about Zac and she wasn't sure where this left them or their relationship they had maybe just established that they had.

Before she could make it to her car though she felt someone grab her wrist and she stopped walking as she turned to face Zac. Not saying anything to him she'd wait for him to speak since he was the one who had stopped her.

"You hate me now don't you?" Zac asked her after she had turned to face him. "You hate me and want nothing to do with me."

Shaking her head no Avery moved out of Zac's grasp, "I don't hate you," she told him as she ran a hand through her hair. "I think I need time to adjust to this new side of you I know though," she admitted honestly. "I need time to adjust to the fact that I'm a long line of many women you've fucked and I need time to stop being so insecure now," she sighed knowing that this new information just made her even more insecure more so than finding out how old Brenda was. How could she compare to tons of women? How could he even think she was good in bed when all she had was one sexual partner before him?

"Now I need to get home so I can get some sleep since I have to work tomorrow," she smiled sadly before walking back to her car and getting in. Once Zac was in she started her car and headed home.

As Avery drove Zac just sat in the passenger seat in silence. A silence that stayed the whole way to her apartment complex. When they made it there he unbuckled and got out and it was only then that Avery spoke. She had told him she'd rather he not stay tonight. She just wanted time to herself.

It was a request that Zac honored and he turned and got in his truck. As he drove off he couldn't help but regret the fact that he had even told Avery about his past. He regretted it because he feared that it had ruined things. It ruined whatever they had between them.

"She'll never want to see me again," Zac said to himself as he turned his radio up as he drove. It was playing some sad song that seemed to match his own emotions. He feeling rejected and pushed aside. He was feeling like he had lost the one good thing he had since Brenda.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Relationships end and you eventually move on. That's how life works."

Can't Win For Losing Chapter Nineteen

Taylor woke up in his bed as the alarm clock went out off beside him. Sitting up he looked over at the woman passed out beside him in bed. Ever since his talk with Avery he had lost any hope of his marriage ever getting fixed. He had lost hope of her deciding that what they had built for five years was worth more than whatever the hell she had with Zac that hadn't even been three months yet.

She had proven just how far their marriage had ever been on her priority list and that was why he had become like he had when Natalie had left him. He had resorted back to the party boy who went out clubbing though this time he did it after work and usually during his clubbing he'd find a woman and he'd fuck her. He had already had sex with Natalie in this bed who why not random women who happened to catch his eye.

Seeing the woman beside him stir as he looked at her and waited until she was fully awake before telling her to go. Telling her that he had to get to work and he really didn't want to spend all morning with her. That what had happened last night was fantastic but it would probably never happen again though when she gave him her number he accepted it with a fake smile and stayed in bed until she had dressed and left.

Shaking his head he then slipped out of bed and found some clothes before going to the bathroom. He hated what he was becoming but this was how he acted when things fell apart. He had done it when Natalie left and now that Avery was gone and he had no hope of her coming back he was doing it again. It was his way of trying to cope even if it was probably the wrong way to cope.

Hell Avery herself had been one of the girls he had used like that or well he was going too until the their date. Instead making a move on that first date that he had somehow conned the innocent seventeen year old into he had decided not to go all the way with her mainly because she had been innocent. He hadn't wanted to corrupt and hell he mowed her dad's lawn. He was afraid of her dad finding out he had broken his daughters heart and killing him.

Though in the end he guessed he had done worse. He had gotten her pregnant thanks to the fact that he finally did have sex with her on their second date. He had taken her virginity in the backseat of his car and she had let him and they had been careless then and careless every other time after that. It had only been three months into the whole thing that she had gotten pregnant.

"Fuck," Taylor hissed to himself as he felt the water of his shower turn cold. Stepping out he reached for a towel and dried off before going to the sink and looking at himself in the mirror. He hadn't shaved in months though some of his not shaving was because Avery had always said she preferred him beardy even though he thought he couldn't grow a beard to save his life.

Then after she left he hadn't felt like shaving. He barely had the effort to shower but thankfully he did make sure to shower every day. Tonight though when he got home he'd make an effort to shave too. It wasn't like he had to please Avery now or care about what she liked or didn't like.

Brushing his teeth in a hurry he then changed into his clothes and headed downstairs. On his way to the studio he'd grab breakfast so instead of going to the kitchen he went to grab his keys and headed out to his truck which he got in and started up driving the fifteen minutes to his studio. He had always been glad that he didn't work that far from home. He hated the long drives and he hated the traffic on the highways.

By the time he finally got to work he had a coffee in one hand and a biscuit from a cafe not far from his studio in the other hand. Letting himself in the studio he headed towards the back office and sat down in his chair. He had an hour before his first appointment and for now he'd spend that hour eating and going over some shoots he had taken yesterday that he hadn't got to look over before leaving work last night.

It was after he got his computer finally cut on that he heard the faint sound of the bell above his door and he rolled his eyes hoping that it wasn't someone coming in wanting a last minute session. Finishing his food he sipped on his coffee as he heard the footsteps of whoever had came in his studio as they came closer.

Turning his head eventually he froze when he found his brother Isaac standing in his doorway, "Figured you'd be at home with the wife and the newborn," he smiled eventually relaxing some now that he got used to his brother being here. He hadn't really seen Isaac much since Violet had been born.

"Needed a break," Isaac laughed as he went into the office and sat in the empty seat. "Not to mention mom is worried about you. She hasn't heard much from you either in days according to what she said on the phone last night," he said as he eyes his brother. "Is everything okay?"

Taylor shook his head, "Nothing is okay Ike," he sighed before taking another drink from his coffee cup. "My wife is done with our marriage and I'm falling apart," he laughed though it was bitter. "Tell me how I can be okay?"

Isaac frowned at his brother's words, "You'll get better eventually Tay," he said knowing that his brother would get back on his feet. "Relationships end and you eventually move on. That's how life works."

"But what if I don't want to move on?" Taylor asked his voice cracking as he let his sadness take over again. "What if I just want my family back?"

Shrugging Isaac wished he had words for that, "But Avery doesn't seem to want that does she?" he asked as he locked eyes with his younger brother and the look on Taylor's face let him know he was right. "You should move on then and if life brings her back it does and if it doesn't it doesn't but you can't sit and wallow in pity. You have two sons who need a father not a shell of the man he is."

At Isaac's words Taylor went silent and he knew his brother was right though he didn't want to admit it. If he admitted it then that would mean Avery wasn't the woman for him and he had spent five years of his life on something that was a waste even if it had brought him two wonderful boys out of it.

"I guess you are right," Taylor nodded finally admitting what he didn't want too. "I just don't know how to move on."

"It happens in steps," Isaac smiled before moving his chair closer to Taylor's. The moment he did his eyes widened as he saw Taylor's desktop background on his computer. There staring him in the eyes was his sister-in-law naked with her legs spread as she gave the camera a seductive smile. It was then he knew why Taylor found it hard to get over her or well maybe that was just his dick talking.

Taylor blushed some as he knew Isaac was looking at his desktop background, "Y..you weren't supposed to see that," he said pulling something up to cover his naked wife. "Avery's going to kill me if she knows you saw it."

"Trust me I'm not going to tell her," Isaac shook his head. "Though I do want to know how you talked her into it so I can do the same for Nikki."

Laughing now Taylor just shook his head at his brother. Right now was the happiest he had been since his last talk with Avery. It was also helping him forget just how messed up things were.  
_________________________________________________________________

Sitting at the college Zac ran a hand through his hair as he looked over some of the work the students had been turning in though his mind really wasn't on that. It was on Avery and the fact that he hadn't heard from her since last night. He should have known telling her what he had would ruin things but she had wanted to know and so he confessed. He should have just listened to his gut and lied or thought of a different story. At least then they'd still be talking and he wouldn't feel like he was losing his second chance at happiness since losing Brenda.

Hearing the door of his classroom open Zac looked up from what he had been looking at and he almost thought he was seeing a ghost. He almost thought he was hallucinating and he had to blink a few times before he realized it was neither and the person making their way towards him was really in the room.

"B...Brenda?" he asked his voice squeaking softly as he spoke.

Brenda nodded a smile forming on her lips as she took in the man she had dumped. The man who she had let go of without even really thinking. "It's me," she said as she came to a stop mere inches from him. "I've actually been in town for five days but I just mustered up the courage to find you today."

Zac let Brenda talk almost still feeling like he was dreaming though he knew he wasn't. She was really here and she was really in front of him. "What are you doing here?" he asked once he could speak. His tone was now harsh though as he remembered their last encounters and her dumping him. "Shouldn't you be with Steve?"

"Steve and I aren't together," Brenda informed him. "He dumped me because he thinks I still love you," she said as she smiled more as she thought of how right Steve was and standing here in front of Zac proved it. "He was right too. I do still love you and that's why I came all this way out here. I messed up Zac but I want you back."

Listening to Brenda say she wanted him back Zac felt like he was going to faint and he was glad he was sitting down already. Maybe at least if he did he wouldn't get hurt too bad. He had never expected her to admit she wanted him back just like he had never expected his self to still feel something for her but the moment she had stepped in the room he had found old feelings he had pushed aside coming back.

"You want me back?" he asked wanting to make sure he had heard her right.

Brenda nodded at his question, "I want you back Zac and I want you to be the man I settle down with. Heck you already were the man I was sort of settled down with but I was too blind to see it. I thought I needed someone closer to my age but he was more of a child than you ever were," she said as she thought of Steve. They had fought over everything while her life with Zac had been perfect. She had lead and he had followed and they rarely fought.

Swallowing Zac opened his mouth to answer her, opened his mouth to speak words that seemed willing to come out much easier now but the moment he did his phone buzzed on the table beside the stakc of papers he had been looking at previously. Making a face he looked away from Brenda and down at the phone. The caller i.d. said he was getting a call from Avery and he swallowed hard before looking back towards the woman in the room.

Watching Zac as his phone buzzed Brenda raised an eyebrow when Zac looked down at the phone then back up at her, "W..who is it?" she asked curiously seeing his face had paled some.

Zac chewed on his lip letting his phone finish ringing before he answered Brenda, "It was my girlfriend," he told her still referring to Avery as his girlfriend. Before he could see anything else his phone buzzed again and he looked down at it to see that Avery was calling again. "I have to answer it," he told her before picking it up and hitting talk.

Brenda made a face when she heard Zac answer her question and before she could say more she heard the phone ring again and Zac answered it.

"Zac?" Avery asked as she heard breathing on the other side of the phone.

"I'm here," Zac said to Avery his eyes staying on Brenda the whole time. "What did you want?"

Avery chewed on her lip before answering him, "I..I wanted to know if you are free tonight. I..I just I guess I missed having you here last night beside me when I slept," she confessed feeling her cheeks heat up. It was funny the things she had became used too in such a short amount of time. Though in a way she knew that it was more than just her being used to him. She just wasn't ready to admit what it was yet. "I need you and I don't think I care too much about the things you did in your past."

As Avery talked Zac looked away from Brenda finding that he was unable to look at her as Avery confessed to needing him and also that she didn't care about what he had done in his past. "I don't know if I am free tonight," he said honestly as he kept his gaze away from his ex. "But if I am I will be at your house tonight. I promise."

Smiling some at Zac's promise to be here at her house if he was free tonight Avery nodded though he couldn't see her, "Okay," she said hoping that she would see him. "I will see you later maybe," she said before hanging up.

Zac hung up his phone after Avery and he laid the phone back down before looking up at Brenda and he shook his head, "I have a girlfriend," he reminded her as he locked eyes with her.

"I heard," Brenda replied before crossing her arms over her chest. "Do you love her?"

"I do," Zac answered knowing he did love Avery even if seeing Brenda had reopened old wounds for him "I love her and she may not love me yet but I'm not going to just abandon her because you decided you messed up."

Brenda kept her arms crossed as she keep her face calm of any emotions she may have felt, "Just have dinner with me tonight Zac. Talk with me more before deciding on leaving her or not. I miss you and I want to be with you forever," she nodded knowing he had been planning on proposing before she dumped him. "I found the ring in the closet you know. If you asked me now I'd say yes."

Zac closed his eyes at her words. They words he would have killed to hear months ago, "Dinner it is," he said relenting to having dinner with her. It seemed with her all it took were just a few words. A few words or looks and he was that same boy she had whipped into submission all those years ago even if his mind kept reminding him that he had someone here who was much better but Avery didn't love him. At least with Brenda he knew she loved him now. She loved him and all he wanted was someone to love him.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "I'm going back to California."

Can't Win For Losing Chapter Twenty

Later that night Avery sighed to herself as she sat on her couch. She was in her pajamas and she was watching some old black and white movie. It was after midnight and she half guessed that Zac wouldn't be coming by with as late as it was. It was a fact that made her sad even if it shouldn't make her sad. Zac wasn't her husband and she didn't love him.

"But I miss him," she spoke to herself right as she heard a knock at her door. Standing up she nearly ran to the door to open it though once she had she almost wished now that she hadn't because standing at her door was Natalie.

"I got your address from Diana," Natalie said seeing the confusion on Avery's face. "I made up some excuse and she bought it."

Avery just continued to look at Natalie confused, "And why would you do that? Why do you care where I live so bad that you had to ask Diana and why did you show up here so late?"

Natalie chewed on her lip at Avery's questions. She knew what she was doing here was betraying Brenda but she was only doing it so that she could keep her sights set on the woman in front of her's husband. "Because I wanted to tell you that Zac is out tonight with Brenda," she said as she crossed her arms. "It's a small world but in California I was friends with Brenda. She came to town because she wants him back and he agreed to go out with her tonight and talk things over. Right now according to a text I got from her before arriving here they are a hotel in town. Probably about to have sex if not having sex."

Listening to Natalie's confession Avery shook her head not wanting to believe Natalie's words, "You're lying," she accused the woman as she swallowed hard. "You just want to ruin my life."

"Trust me I don't want that. You are doing a pretty bang up job on that yourself," Natalie muttered before rolling her eyes. "But if you don't believe me then here," she said as she took out her cell phone and quickly pulled up her texts with Brenda. "Read and see for yourself."

Avery took the phone from Natalie and soon she began to read the text messages between the two women. As she did she felt that sad feeling again. That feeling she had felt before Natalie arrived. It was like her heart was slowly being ripped out of her chest and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

Handing the phone back to Natalie she shook her head as she felt tears come to her eyes but she refused to cry in front of this woman. She refused to let Natalie see just how weak she felt right now.

"You know if you want to confront him I could stay here and watch your kids for you," Natalie suggested as she gave Avery a tiny smile. She still didn't like her but what she was offering to do was also for her own benefit as well.

Avery shook her head at Natalie's words, "No thanks," she whispered knowing she wasn't going to go and confront Zac. What use would there be confronting Zac. Brenda was his ex and while Zac may have claimed to love Avery seeing her could have changed stuff. They had spent a long time together and sometimes feelings never truly went away.

Natalie just nodded her head after Avery declined her offer, "W..well I'm sorry. I mean that Zac did this to you," she said before turning her back to leave. So much for her plan working like she had wanted it too.

Watching Natalie leave Avery shut her door and walked back to the couch where she sat down. As she sat down the tears she had been holding in finally came out and she held her knees to her chest again as she closed her eyes. It was when she cried that she felt cramps and she groaned inwardly. It was just what she needed while she was already down. A reminder that her period was coming in six days. A reminder that at least then if she went crazy from emotions maybe she could get away with murdering Zac and boy did she want too. She wanted to murder him for making her believe she had meant something yet the moment Brenda showed up it seemed she was nothing.

At some point during her crying Avery eventually laid down and must have fallen asleep because the next thing she remembered was being woken up as she heard Jonah calling her name. Opening her eyes she looked at him before yawning, "What is it baby?" she asked him as she saw the sun coming into the windows and she sat up stretching before yawning again. She was exhausted this morning but a part of her blamed that on sleeping on the couch as well as crying.

"I'm hungry," Jonah answered as he watched his mommy sit up. "Charlie is still asleep but I'm hungry."

"Then I'll go fix you a bowl of cereal," Avery said as she gave her son a smile and stood from the couch. Heading into the kitchen she heard Jonah follow behind her. "What kind of cereal do you want? We have Cocoa Puffs and Lucky Charms," she said as she reached up on top of the fridge and got both boxes down. Both boxes she had bought when shopping with Zac. He had practically begged her to get them.

Jonah stood there and looked at both boxes before finally pointing to the Cocoa Puffs.

Once Jonah had chosen his cereal Avery got down a bowl and poured the cereal in it before getting the milk out to pour for him. The moment she had opened the milk though and began to pour it into the bowl of cereal she made a face as the chocolate scent hit her nose the moment it began to mix with the milk and she did her best to keep from gagging.

"Here you go buddy," Avery said as she picked up the bowl and sat it on the table for Jonah before making a beeline to the bathroom. Shutting the door she went to the toilet and bent down as she started to dry heave over the toilet. Maybe her exhaustion wasn't just because of sleeping on the couch. Maybe she was coming down with something.

Standing up when she didn't get sick Avery walked to the sink and ran some water before moving her head down and splashing the water on her face. That action made her feel some better though she was still tired. She knew if she still felt like crap tomorrow she'd probably end up calling Taylor and having him come get the boys. She really didn't want them getting sick with whatever she was coming down with.

After splashing her face off with water Avery opened the bathroom door and made a confused face as she heard Jonah talking to someone. Going down the hall slowly she felt her heart beating a little faster with each step she got and the more she heard Jonah talking. She wasn't sure who he could be talking too mainly because no one else was here except for Charlie who had been asleep when she ran to the bathroom and she felt that if Charlie had woken up she would have known because he would have came to the door asking her help for fixing his cereal.

Making it to the kitchen she came to a stop though when she found Jonah sitting at the table and her blood boiled as she saw someone beside him. A person she hadn't been wanting to see today. "W..what are you doing here?" Avery asked Zac her tone cold.

Zac who had been talking to Jonah looked up at Avery when she asked him her question and he felt a chill run down her spine at how bitter it sounded. "I wanted to talk to you," he said as he gave her a smile hoping that helped warm her some. "Jonah let me in when I knocked on the door. He said you ran to the bathroom and you looked all green," Zac again smiled as he knew Jonah's exact words were she looked like she was gonna hurl and that it would be sick if she did. The minds of five year olds these days.

Avery looked at Jonah when Zac said that he had let him in, "Jonah what have I told you about opening the door?" she asked her voice going stern with him.

Jonah looked up at his mommy after he took a bite of cereal, "To ask who it is before answering," he said with his mouth still full.

"He did that too by the way," Zac told her as he smiled still not sure how he had understood a word the boy had said but he had. "He asked who I was."

Rolling her eyes Avery just shook her head. It wasn't her son she was really mad at it anyway. It was the man sitting beside him, "Well you wanted to talk then talk," she nodded towards Zac. "Tell me what you wanted to talk about."

Zac sighed and stood from the table as he walked to where Avery was, "Not here," he said shaking his head before grabbing her arm and leading her to her bedroom. When they made it there he shut the door behind them and locked it. "I'm going back to California."

Avery looked down as she listened to what Zac had told her the moment he had shut and locked her door. He was going back to California and she figured why. "Because you got back with Brenda?" she asked him as her voice cracked which surprised even her.

Taken aback by Avery's question Zac raised an eyebrow, "H..How did you even know it was because of her?"

"N..Natalie came by," Avery told him as she crossed her arms. "Her friend is Taylor's ex and apparently she wanted to inform me of your meeting last night. She even showed me the text where Brenda said what hotel and room number you had."

"Oh," Zac whispered before looking away from Avery. Knowing that she knew he had met with Brenda just made him feel more guilty. "I still love her Ave."

Avery felt tears sting her eyes when she heard Zac say that he still loved Brenda, "What about loving me?" she asked as her voice cracked again. "I thought you loved me."

Zac smiled sadly, "I did but I guess I love her more," he said knowing that the talk with Brenda had made things obvious that maybe he wasn't exactly as over his ex as he thought he was. "I feel like I need to try one more time with her you know. I invested so many years with her that I'm not sure I can let a second chance go," he shrugged before looking back at Avery. The sad look on her face killed him.

"Anyway this will give you the chance to go back to your husband and fix your marriage," Zac said knowing that was probably best. "I mean you still love him and he still loves you so make it work."

When Zac mentioned making it work with Taylor it was Avery's turn to look away from him, "You know when I called you yesterday I had just taken my rings off," she revealed as she looked down at the finger where her engagement ring and wedding band had once been. "I took them off because I realized that I loved my husband but I wasn't in love with him. I realized that I didn't just miss you because I grew accustomed to you being her every night but I missed you because I'm in love with you."

Hearing Avery's words Zac just frowned some as he ran a hand through his hair. Those words he had wanted to hear from her for some time now but now they were too late. He had already told Brenda they could work things out. He was going to put his notice in at the college and then he was flying out to California with the woman he wanted to try a future with again sometime next week.

"I'm sorry," Zac spoke knowing that was the only words he could give Avery. "I'm sorry but at least we have some good memories right?" he asked her before nodding. "The night in my truck. The night we first made love to each other. Me coming on to you before I even knew you were separated. Those are all good memories."

"So I'm just supposed to be stuck with good memories?" Avery asked him as she raised her voice. "I ruined my marriage for you. I was willing to lose everything for you and I did. I lost my husband my kids lost their father and I fell out of love with him," she said as tears went down her cheeks now. "I fell out of love with my husband. A man who did no wrong and in love with you. A man who is willing to hurt me and you just expect me to go on good memories of you?"

Zac again frowned as Avery almost yelled at him now as he spoke, "I didn't know you were in love with me when I agreed to get back with Brenda."

"Would it have changed things if you did?" Avery asked as she reached a hand up to brush her tears away harshly.

Zac shook his head no though to be honest he wasn't being entirely honest because he wasn't sure if it would have changed things. Brenda had been in his life since he was a naive eighteen year old boy. She had made him the man he was today but then again Avery had been changing him from that man. She had made him see that maybe there was more to the life he had lead in California and even had tried to keep while here.

Seeing Zac shake his head no Avery just sat down on her bed, "Just go," she told him as more tears came down her cheeks again. "Go and run off into the sunset with Brenda. Go live your life of being with her. Go back to being a swinger and have your fucked up fairytale."

When Avery told him to go Zac waited until she was done speaking before unlocking her door, "I'm sorry," he said to her one last time before leaving the bedroom and then her apartment. He hated that he had hurt her but he really hadn't meant too. He hadn't expected her to say she was in love with him. He had thought she was still in love with her husband.

After Zac left Avery just fell back on the bed and cried for a bit longer though she couldn't cry all day. She had to eventually suck it up and go about the rest of the day for her children. She had to just keep one foot in front of the other while again things seemed to fall apart.  
__________________________________________________________________

Taylor parked his truck outside Avery's apartment on Sunday. She had called him this morning and said she had felt like shit and thought she was coming down with something and she hadn't wanted the boys to get it and could he please come and get them. Of course he had agreed because he too didn't want their boys getting sick especially since yesterday he had just found out that his parents wanted to have a 4th of July thing at the lake and that was five days away. They also or well his mom also wanted him to invite Avery but he was unsure of doing that. For all he knew she could have plans with Zac.

Getting out of his truck he walked to her apartment and knocked on the door. When she opened it he raised an eyebrow at the sight of her in her pajamas and her hair all a mess. That had been when he thought she looked her best though she always denied it. "You really do feel like shit don't you?" he asked as he went inside once she moved so he could.

"What gave it away?" Avery asked sarcastically as she shut the door once he was inside.

"You are still in your pajamas."

Avery shrugged at his words, "I'm exhausted. It took all I had to even get out of bed to call you or to get off the couch to answer the door," she muttered rolling her eyes.

"Is that your only symptom?" Taylor asked watching as she walked down the hall probably to get the boys and tell them he was here.

Shaking her head no Avery stopped just outside of Jonah and Charlie's room, "I'm nausea's too and the smell of milk on any kind of cereal or even the sight of milk itself makes it worse," she frowned knowing she had trouble with milk again yesterday when she had to make Charlie's cereal when he eventually woke up. He had wanted Lucky Charms and of course the moment it had hit the cereal it had made her gag much like it had with the Cocoa Puffs.

"I think it's just some stomach bug probably. It's been going around at work and I really don't want the boys here when it fully hits," she shrugged as she made a face. "For me and for them," she finished before opening the door to the room and finding that Jonah had done like she asked and gotten a bag together for toys for him and Charlie to take. They had clothes still at Taylor's so they would be fine with not taking any.

Jonah looked up at his mommy when she opened the door, "Is daddy here?" he asked excitedly as he grinned.

Avery gave a nod of her head, "Your daddy is here," she smiled watching as Jonah and Charlie both ran out of the room and down the hall to where Taylor was. Following behind them she watched as Taylor picked them both up and smiled more seeing him giving them kisses on the cheek after they had done the same to him.

"Have fun with them," Avery said as she looked at Taylor. "And pray they haven't been around me long enough to get sick."

"Oh trust me I will," Taylor laughed as he held them closer. "Mainly because my mom wants to have some Fourth of July thing at the lake."

Avery sat on the couch hearing that Diana had plans for the family at the lake, "The cabins they own?" she asked knowing his parents owned a set of cabins at a lake not far out of town.

Nodding Taylor rolled his eyes, "They haven't used them any this year and mom wants too," he said as he sighed. "She also says you should come too. "

"Oh," Avery muttered hearing that Diana said she could come too.

"Yeah I figure you probably have plans with Zac," Taylor said as he looked away from her. "So it's okay if you don't come."

Avery shook her head feeling like she wanted to cry at the mention of Zac's name, "Zac umm he kind of left," she revealed as she shrugged when Taylor looked at her again after she said that. "He and I are done so I have no plans with him or my family. I actually think my father is going to be off at some revival in another state."

Taylor just took in what Avery said and he frowned. He could tell from her expression that she was hurt by Zac being gone and he felt for her even if a part of him wasn't too sad over that fact. "I'm sorry," he said honestly though his sorry wasn't that Zac was gone. His sorry was that she was hurt. "The offer stands to join us if you are feeling better by the fourth," he said giving her a smile in hopes to cheer her up.

After he had said that he soon left with the kids and headed back home and for once he felt proud of himself. Being around Avery hadn't hurt him nor had he felt himself longing for things to be different between them. Maybe Isaac was right and he could move on if he just took baby steps.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Your husband said you took a pretty hard fall when you fainted on him."

Can't Win For Losing Chapter Twenty-One

Avery smiled some to herself as she sat on the stairs of one of the cabins that Taylor's parents owned. A week had past since the Fourth of July and the family was still here. Apparently two days before the trip up Walker had insisted they stay weeks like they used to do when Isaac and Taylor had been little. He had said this was the first time the whole family was together in awhile and he had wanted them to actually spend time together without the hassles of work or outside life.

Of course agreeing to come meant that Avery had to call where she worked last minute but they had been understanding and to be honest Avery was glad mainly because she still wasn't feeling all that well. She no longer felt as exhausted as she had but she was still tired and she was still experiencing her nausea's which had now apparently not just stayed to milk. Last night she had gotten sick actually physically thrown up at the smell of roasting hot dogs.

Taylor had suggested she just go on to bed for the night and she had, she had went to bed in the cabin she was sharing with Taylor and the boys. It only had two bedrooms and while Taylor had offered to sleep on the couch Avery had shot that down. She didn't see the use in him sleeping there when he could sleep in the bed with her. It wasn't like they hadn't shared a bed before. They could do it again.

Hearing the door of the cabin open Avery was brought out of her thoughts and she turned to see Taylor coming out. He was just wearing his pajama pants and she couldn't help but let her eyes linger on his chest before going up to his hair which was all a mess.

"Just wake up?" she asked him though she knew from his appearance she already had her answer.

Taylor nodded his head before moving to sit down beside her, "I woke up and found you gone," he said as he looked over at her. "I was almost afraid you had gotten sick again but then I didn't hear or see you in the bathroom hurling your guts out."

Laughing at Taylor's wording Avery just made a face, "For that lovely mental image I think I may just hurl on you next time," she teased as she shook her head. "But right now I'm feeling okay," she nodded her head. "I actually drank some ginger ale when I woke up and it helped to settle my stomach for the time being."

"That's good," Taylor smiled hearing that the ginger ale had helped her. "But maybe you should go to the doctor. I mean you've been since for awhile now. If it was the flu or a stomach bug it would have already passed."

Avery shook her head at Taylor's suggestion, "I'll be fine," she told him as she sighed. "I don't really like going to the doctor much."

"Sometimes I just forget your stubborn as hell," Taylor sighed before reaching over for her pack of cigarettes that she had laying on the other side of her. "Mind if I bum one?"

Avery shook her head again, "Go right ahead," she told him and handed him her lighter as well. "I just thought you quit smoking," she said knowing he had given it up the year she got pregnant with Charlie. "You sure you want to fall back off that wagon?"

Taylor got a cigarette out and lit it, "I fell off a few weeks ago," he answered after taking a drag from the cigarette. "I needed it to help with my stress."

"Smoking is going to kill you," Avery said to him though the wink she gave him let him know she was teasing him. It wasn't like she had any room to talk since she too smoked. Looking at the time on her wrist watch Avery made a face, "I should probably head to your parents cabin. I told your mom I'd help her with breakfast," she said as she stood from the stairs.

The moment she stood up she felt the world or at least her head spin some before everything went black.  
_____________________________________________________________

Opening her eyes Avery closed them again quickly off and on as she grew accustomed to the light in the room. As she did she could hear someone saying her name and she turned her head, "J..Jo?" she asked feeling confused as she saw Zac's mom.

Jolene smiled as she watched Avery come too, "I've been waiting on you to wake up for the last ten minutes," she laughed before walking over to her with a chart in her hand. "Your husband said you took a pretty hard fall when you fainted on him."

"Fainted?" Avery asked as she looked around some realizing that she was laying in a hospital bed. The last thing she had remembered was standing up so she could go help Diana with breakfast.

"Yeah," Jolene nodded as she continued to smile. "Fainted sort of meet the floor," she joked before shaking her head and reaching for the blood pressure cuff. Taking Avery's blood pressure and temperature she made face. "Well you aren't running a fever which is odd since your husband said you have also been sick and your blood pressure is fine," she said as she wrote down the stuff in Avery's chart.

Hearing Jolene tell her that everything was fine Avery made a face not understanding why she had been feeling horrible if she seemed fine.

"The doctor will probably run more in depth tests," Jolene told her once she had stayed silent. "But before that I need to ask you some standard questions," she said not even sure if she wanted to ask the questions. "How long have you had your symptoms?"

"Since the 28th," Avery answered as she watched Jolene start to write. "I was exhausted that day and I started getting nausea's," she said as she shrugged. "The smell of milk on cereal or even the sight of the milk just made me dry heave. I never actually got sick until last night when my husband's family was roasting hot dogs. The smell just got to me and I had to run off in the woods and get sick because I was not going to make it to the cabin in time."

Jolene just sighed and wrote down what Avery told her before looking back up at her, "When was your last period?"

At the last period question Avery blushed some, "July 4th...though I only spotted for a day or two. Usually I'm full on seven days."

Nodding Jolene wrote that down, "And when was your last full on period?" she asked trying to keep her face from showing any emotions except for her usual smile.

"June 6th," Avery answered as she looked down her blush growing deeper. She was uncomfortable telling Zac's mom this stuff.

"And do you think you could be pregnant?" Jolene asked her final question. "I mean the doctor will probably do a blood test anyway but is there a possibility you could be pregnant?"

When Jolene asked her if there was a possibility she could be pregnant Avery was about to say no. She was about to say that she was taking birth control but then she nodded yes. "I sort of stopped taking my birth control after moving into my apartment. The stress of moving was just making me forget and I guess I never started back after," she sighed as she made a face knowing she had been with Zac during that time period. That was around the time they had first had sex and after the first time they were like fucking rabbits doing it every night and once or twice they had even found time to have a quickie during the day before being together at night.

After she answered Jolene's question she again watched as the woman wrote what she said down and then walked out of the room without another word. It wasn't long after she had left that the doctor came in and asked basically the same questions and then said he'd be doing tests on her and that once the results of all the tests came back then she could more than likely leave.

Avery just nodded her head and stayed silent. She stayed silent through the doctor talking and then she stayed silent when the woman who came to take her blood did that. It was only when she saw Jolene come back into her room that she perked up some.

"Well Avery," Jolene said as she looked down at the papers which held the results of Avery's test. "Your results are in and everything seems to be well for you and your baby," she said feeling a lump form in her throat at the last part. Avery was pregnant and Zac was gone off to California with Brenda. This was almost the outcome Jolene had dreaded except Zac wasn't the one who had gotten hurt and left behind. No Avery had been the one left though she could still go back to Taylor. "You are pregnant."

Looking away as Jolene told her she was pregnant Avery had to digest what the woman was saying. She was having a baby and it was all because she had been careless again. She had let things happen and now here she was having her third unplanned child though this baby wouldn't be Taylor's. It wouldn't even be a Hanson and she was almost afraid what they would think. She was afraid of what Taylor would think mainly because she still hadn't told him she had sex with Zac. He was probably still under the assumption that all they had done was mutually masturbate each other.

When she looked up to say something to Jolene it was when she noticed that the older woman was crying and Avery raised an eyebrow, "Jo?" she asked as she slowly stood from the hospital bed and walked over to the woman. "Are you okay?"

Jolene shook her head no when Avery asked her if she was okay, "I didn't want this outcome for you," she said in between sobs. "I didn't want you and Zac to have a similar fate to Walker and I," she revealed. "I tried to tell you in your kitchen that day to just end things before they went too far. Though I was scared it would be Zac who was left out like I was when Walker went back to Diana but no Zac left you and now you're having his baby and he's with Brenda and you..I don't know what you will do but this is going to complicate things."

Avery stayed silent as she listened to Jolene's words and she made a face feeling shocked when she heard Jolene mention Walker and him going back to Diana. Jolene was the woman Diana had been talking about too that day in her kitchen. Now everything seemed to make sense as to why they hated each other.

"Wait.." Avery started as she looked at Jolene her eyebrow raising. Again she was remembering conversations that had taken place before. Zac saying hims mom told him she had met his dad at her father's church and her father calling Jolene a whore. "Walker is Zac's father?" she asked though it was more of a statement.

Jolene nodded her head at Avery's question, "I think besides me the only other person who knows is Diana and well now you."

As she stood there Avery found herself again having to digest stuff. Having to come to terms with stuff and she shook her head as she put a hand on her still flat belly. "Oh fuck," she muttered knowing this did complicate things. She was having a baby that belonged to Taylor's half-brother. A half-brother he didn't even have a clue about.

Before either woman could say anything else though there was a knock on the door of her room and Avery turned to see Taylor standing there.

"Is everything okay?" Taylor asked her as he raised an eyebrow.

Avery nodded as she walked towards him, "Everything is fine," she said knowing what she had to do. "It was just some stomach bug that lasted longer but now that I know what it is I can get it taken care of," she lied as she turned to look at Jolene. The woman had composed herself and from the looks she was giving Avery she knew what Avery was going to do as well. Avery was going to get an abortion. At least she could stop another complicated thing from happening between the Coleman's and the Hanson's.

Taylor looked confused but just shrugged, "So you can go now?" he asked her as he chewed his lips. "The boys are getting restless in waiting on you but they refused to go back to the cabins with Isaac and Nikki when they left."

"Yeah we can go now," Avery told him as she started to leave with him but when Jolene told her to hang on a second Avery told Taylor to leave and go back with the boys who were probably driving his parents crazy. After he had left she turned to face Jolene again.

"Before Zac left he told me what his favorite day with you was," Jolene said as she gave Avery a smile. "He said it was the day you two took your sons to the zoo and then took them out for ice cream. He said that night might not have ended well but that day was the best because being with your sons made him realize he could be a good father one day," she said as her voice cracked. "But then he added in that going back to Brenda he'd have to give up on that fantasy. Brenda doesn't want any kids and so he said he'd just keep that memory to go on for a what if. But it doesn't have to be a what if for him. He can be a daddy."

Swallowing hard at Jolene's words Avery bit her lip hard to keep from losing it. "Is this your way of saying not to have an abortion?"

"It's my way of saying that sometimes complications can be good," Jolene nodded knowing that this may not have been what she wanted but maybe this would be what her son wanted. "I'm not saying not to do anything. I can't even make you tell my son and by law I can't even tell him if you don't want me too but I'm saying that this could be good."

Avery looked down briefly and sighed, "I'll consider things," she told Jolene before turning and walking out to the waiting room where her boys were waiting. She had meant what she said when she told Jolene she'd consider things.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Stella Rosa Coleman."

Can't Win For Losing Epilogue

Avery awoke in a sweat beside Taylor. Her hand immediately falling to her swollen belly as she was due any day now. She had that dream again. The one where she had given birth and Zac had been there with her but that had only been a dream. Zac was still gone and living his life in California with the woman he had chosen and she was here in Kentucky with Taylor and her kids one of them not even born yet.

Looking away from Taylor she almost felt guilty for even thinking of Zac as he lay beside her sleeping. It had taken them months to get back to a good place again. Hell he had even tried a relationship with Natalie for three months before realizing they were both just different people then.

It was after his relationship with Natalie that they had decided to try it again then too. They had even started going to counseling but Avery couldn't help but think the counseling was for nothing. It seemed like in the end her mind always went back to Zac and now that he was gone she just needed someone to fill that void and Taylor was here and familiar and he filled that void.

Avery suspected deep down Taylor also knew he was filling a void but she was thankful she had him. She was thankful that he had also agreed to be this baby's father. At least her baby would have someone to call daddy and be there. Her daughter would have a male influence.

Getting out of bed Avery sighed and waddled down the stairs coming to a stop when she found Jolene sitting up on the couch, "I thought you'd be asleep."

Jolene laughed as she looked Avery over, "I couldn't sleep," she said shaking her head. "I keep worrying that you'll go in labor tonight. It's snowing and it'd be our luck that my granddaughter would want to come then."

"At least I have a nurse driving me to the hospital," Avery said as she went to the couch and sat down beside Jolene knowing she'd regret it later when she couldn't get back up. "I'm glad you are here," she smiled being honest.

"I'm glad you kept the baby," Jolene responded knowing that Avery didn't have too. "And I'm glad that you and Taylor both are letting me be in her life and that you want me there when you give birth."

Avery shrugged after Jolene spoke, "Taylor and I both agree that it's what should happen. You are her grandmother regardless of the fact that I don't want Zac to know about her. You deserve to be in her life," she nodded as she again rested her hand on her belly.

Frowning when Avery mentioned Zac, Jolene had to look away, "I wish Zac could be here and could know."

"So do I but he made his choice when he choose Brenda and she doesn't want children like you said so she'd just leave him if she knew about this baby," Avery sighed as she chewed her lip. "Maybe it's for the best I mean you had a nice life without Walker ever knowing of Zac."

Jolene had to bite her lip at Avery's words because they were far from the truth. She regretted her decision to keep quite every single day of her life yet she was too chicken shit to start drama and tell Walker especially now.

"So have you decided on a name for my granddaughter?" she asked changing the subject.

"Stella Rosa," Avery smiled as she felt the baby kick once she had spoke her name. "I think Stella goes with Jonah and Charlie and Rosa is a name I think Zac mentioned liking once," she said as she felt the baby kick some more. "Stella Rosa Coleman."

Jolene raised an eyebrow as Avery said the full name, "I thought she was going by Hanson?"

"She is but I just wanted to say it that way one time," Avery answered as she chewed on her lip. It had felt nice to say her name that way and it also left her feeling sad that she would never go by Coleman but that was just the way life was going to go and Avery had to learn to adjust to things. She to adjust or everything would just fall apart again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors Note: Can't Win For Losing was originally titled Sacred Ground and was inspired by the song Sacred Ground by Mcbride and the Ride.
> 
> It also didn't go quite as planned. Avery/Zac were never meant to have a true affair just an emotional one but alias plans changed and the story just kind of took over and went different than how I saw it going.
> 
> I don't think I hate the plans even if they did make me do a sequel that wasn't supposed to happen.


	23. Soundtrack

1\. Sacred Ground-McBride and The Ride

2\. Ships In The Night-Mat Kearney

3\. Back To Back-Tracy Lawrence

4\. I'm Not Strong Enough To Say No-Blackhawk

5\. That's As Close As I'll Get To Lovin You-Aaron Tippin

6\. If I Didn't Know Better-Nashville Cast

7\. Fishin In The Dark-Nitty Gritty Band

8\. Boom Clap-Charli XCX

9\. Quit You-Tristan Prettyman

10\. Everytime You Go Away-Paul Young

11\. Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover-Sophie B.Hawkins

12\. Against All Odds(Take A Look At Me Now)-Phil Collins


End file.
